On line dating site flirting!

Give him the heave ho! She deserves much better

‘Impotent needy old fool’ sums it up perfectly !
I think the best advice you could give your friend is to send him packing, telling him to try his luck with all these other women allegedly keen to get to know him.

Dating sites are great. ]and I think it's a great solution for a single person to have fun. And I found my husband that way. We have been living for 4 years now and we are very happy that we registered on a dating site.

She deserves better.

My, your friend is very open about her relationship, isn't she.

I wonder why this couple are engaged as there seems no prospect of them marrying, and although they live together it is not a full time commitment. Is she just becoming a nursemaid? Why would she need more evidence to catch him out; isn't the evidence she has discovered by reading his personal emails enough, or doesn't she want him to know this?
If it were me, I would ask him outright what he is doing, then retire to my own home and leave him to stew while I thought hard about what I wanted from this relationship, and consider whether it is worth preserving.

Reported

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Sounds like he is using her as a nurse/secretary whilst looking for a "bit on the side"

If she really doesn't want to leave him, she should tell him she knows, tell him he has to decide whether he wants her or some unknown women on the internet and then leave him to his own devices for a few weeks.

Just as well they don’t live together, IMO.

I think I’d just stop going round, or stop doing most (or all) of what he’s used to having done for him.

And when he asks why/acts all aggrieved/hard done by, I’d tell him that perhaps one of the women he’s chatting up online would like to come and run around after him, instead.

I still feel I would be showing him the door. It’s been a couple of weeks OP. Is your friend still putting up with her partner’s infidelity?

Get rid,he`s taking the pee big time.
There`s an old saying "the more you do,the more they will let you ".
You deserve to be treated with respect.

I divorced my husband of some 30 years five years ago; one of his infidelities was that he joined an online dating website and met up with other women while I was at work. As another poster has pointed out, this is a premeditated action. My then husband actually ended up leaving me for someone he met a few years later when he joined a walking group. To be honest, I don’t know why I didn’t divorce him a lot earlier than I did. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and I know now that if I were in the shoes of the original poster’s friend, I wouldn’t hesitate to get rid of the partner. He may be ill but that doesn’t mean she has to give up her life for him.

Sauce - goose - gander

I’m not sensing much in the way of love or mutually respectful relationships in some of these posts..
Libido, yes.

I think that most of us would say goodbye to this horrible creep of a nan ,who is plainly using her .

Poor lady .

So she is good enough to do the scut work while he fantasizes about other women? Surely there is no question she should kick him to the curb.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Ugh. Who wants to waste their time like this.

One poster asks «what harm can he do?». A lot. I was in this position (married) - but my OH is even older than the OP’s man. After I found out, there was one short statement of remorse. I left. This wasn’t the first time this had happened. A few weeks after, he went abroad and was joined by the woman he’d been online with. There have been a couple more - that I know about - since.
Following something like this, you live with a permanent question mark over the relationship. I’m certain he was doing this stuff online while I was in the same room.
Fortunately, I had a house of my own to move back into.
It has been a struggle, especially if you care a lot and have really put your back into the relationship.
I now have a lot of trust issues - that’s part of the harm it does. I also feel a lot of compassion for the other women - they could not possibly know the truth about him and he is harming them

I think he sees the friend more as a nurse TBH.

Germanshepherdsmum

If it were me he’d be history.

He would be with me too. Maybe he's impotent because he is tiring himself out with other women. He's taking every advantage he can. He's got your friend tired out with looking after him!!!! What a cheek.
Where's the strong relationship when he's paying for on line titilation and flirting ,it show what respect he has for your friend.

I would say to your friend "what is she getting from this relationship" he seems to have used all her energy lately, helping him with everything and what has he given her? If he gets ill again I am sure the ladies he is flirting with won't come to help. She will be stuck as you say he has no close family near by. I would definitely be ending this relationship .

I thought impotence was a thing of the past.
What with Viagra.

Were it my friend Nono, I would be telling her she deserves so much more than this chap is offering her. He will only wear her self worth down. Luckily she has her own home so has no legal ties to him or having to search for somewhere to live which, makes it somewhat easier to go no contact with him and enjoy her life without having to question, every day, what his true feelings are towards her.

In all honesty, I would be walking away.

I've been in a similar situation once and listened to the excuses, the denials - the downright lies!
I gave this person a second chance and it ended very badly i.e I was sitting in a cafe with a friend when I saw him walk past holding hands with someone.

I think once trust is broken it can never really be regained, not for me anyway and while you can forgive, forgetting is a lot harder!

I’ll suggest a break away with my friend as soon as she feels she can leave him. He has no family living nearby.
In general I would say their relationship seems good. They go away from time to time, take summer day trips, enjoy each other’s company (on the surface of it) and she told me he does reach for her hand across a dining table and say “I do love you, you know.” They are affectionate & his impotence doesn’t bother her too much most of the time. It’s become worse since a prostrate operation before they met & I guess old age creeping on.
All sounds a bit superficial to me but I’m not her.
Oh dear. I’ll leave her for a few days & catch up with her at the weekend.
Such a dilemma.