How do I reclaim my flat?

Having reread the OP, I think the solution, without causing a family row and too much trauma, is for one of you always to be there so that the GS always has to sleep on the airbed. I assume, when you are not there, he sleeps in the bed. You could also throw redecorating the place into the mix. Failing that, rent flat out to him at the market rate and stay in a hotel for the odd night you are in London.

Why not propose that he moves out of the flat and stays in a travelodge or similar for the period you will be in residence at the flat? That way he’s not in your hair, and it will focus his mind to find himself a permanent flat if he knows this will be what he has to do every time your husband and/or yourself are in London?

semiruralgirl - if you don't charge your grandson the going rate (not a cheap one) for rent in London, you are disabling him for the future. I have many clients who live in rented accommodation in London and I know that it's only by living in the real world of London property prices that the decision as to whether one should be aiming to work in London or not can be made. Your grandson has to make the choice between taking a job in a place where he can afford to live, and taking a job where he might not want to live but where he can afford to. You're not doing your grandson any favours. Where I live (in greater London), many young people remain living in the parental home in order to get a job working in town, but they have to sacrifice their own 'pad' - your grandson has a ready-made flat with all the privacy he wants yet has done nothing for that and is cushioned against the reality of London living.
But on the other hand, keeping a London flat for your husband to spend two or three days a month in ?

nandad

Calendargirl

Even better, sell your flat.

Why should the OP do this? She said the arrangement was for a month or so. Also says DH uses the flat when he works in London.

Sounds rather like DS and GS thought that once he was in there, he would be allowed to stay on indefinitely.

Not really fair.

Because Calendargirl property in London and the SE is in short supply. This flat sounds like it is empty most of the time. Young people can’t buy, or rent, anything affordable in our area because flats have been bought by people who work in London during the week and go home to their country home at weekends. During the pandemic these properties have lain empty which has had a serious impact on local businesses. However because of supply and demand if the properties go on sale the price is still too inflated for local youngsters to be able to afford.
Goddaughter is looking to buy a flat in London, she can ‘only’ afford £550,000 for a 1 bedroom/studio. These flats don’t even make it onto the internet, Estate Agents have a list of people who they contact knowing that the property is likely to be sold within two or three viewings at higher than asking price.

Where in London would that be?
In an area I’m very familiar with in SW17, admittedly not the most ‘sort-after’ as EAs so often put it ?, that sort of money would buy you a 2 bed period maisonette of 65 - 70 sq m, in a nice enough road, usually with its own little garden or patio thrown in. Plus a fairly easy walk from both tube and main line station.

Admittedly it’s still ridiculous money, though.

If I was only using the flat occasionally but it was otherwise not used, I would just let the status quo continue - so long as it is looked after properly and is always available for you when you would normally go ... unless there are additional costs associated with his staying.
Is it costing you any more money for him to be there?
An unoccupied property will cost you more to insure than an occupied one.

I would say that you gifted him a month and now he needs to contribute financially and also give him a deadline.

It might be hard for him to pay rent to you and save for a deposit and on top of that, being young, he might be having a great time and forgotten to save for a deposit..

So maybe you could charge a reasonable rent, take off the bills and then gift the rest back to him..

If the flat would usually be empty and you don't usually profit from it anyway

Hope you get your space back

He may well not look unless you are charging him nearer a market rent. Or near what Uni Halls of Residence would cost.

Maybe set up a flat hunting session? Maybe your hubby takes an afternoon off to take your grandson around estate agents?

I wouldn’t give him 3 or 6 months further stay, without one of your family going with him around estate agents.

Good luck.

Talk to your grandson first, reminding him that this was a temporary arrangement and asking him how the hunt for accomodation is going.

How often do you and / or your husband use the flat?

If you use it regularly, you do not want to be sharing with your grandson. Tell him that from next time you or his grandfather needs the flat you expect him to find somewhere else to stay for the days in question.

'At his age it is quite the done thing to sleep on a friend's couch or floor for a couple of nights.

Then fix a definite deadline for when he is to be out of the flat entirely.

Obviously, you will want to mention to your son what agreement you have now come to with your grandson, but as I assume your grandson is of age, neither he nor your son will appreciate it if you try to drag your son into this as a mediator. It is hardly his business what arrangement you and an adult grandson have come to, or not come to.

Is your flat empty when you are not there & you only use it occasionally?

why wouldn’t you let him stay there instead of spending most of his salary in rent - why wouldn’t you support and help a family member particularly a grandson.

I agree with grandetante and others. Your grandson has had his period of grace now time to enter the real world.
He needs to move out when you are using the flat and pay rent. A deadline for moving on is a good idea. You could always save his rent money and give it to him as a surprise when he gets his own place semiruralgirl

The rent he has saved must be used to get him a B&B when you need to be alone in your flat. Be firm and get him out of there asap. He is taking advantage.

He is your darling grandson and you love him. I think some of the posts are rather harsh.
Life is tough for young people these days. I am sure finding somewhere to stay or flat share with someone you like is difficult.
Let him stay and charge a reasonable rent. He won't be there for ever.

Make it clear that he has to leave by a set date. It's not fair on you or him giving him the hope he can stay as long as he wants

Is he saving the presumably considerable amount of money he’s not spending on rent? That’s one thing I’d certainly want to know.

Have a straight forward conversation with him, saying what you had understood when he first stayed in your flat, and that you had expected him to find somewhere else by now. No need to judge him or blame him or apologise! Listen to him, and give him a date by which you expect him to move elsewhere. Its better for him if you treat him as a responsible adult - not an indulged child!

If your GS is old enough to live and work in London. he is also old enough at the very least to pay if only a nominal rent as well as council tax etc.
You have given him a head start and in theory, he should have saved something towards a deposit on his own place.
Speak to him while you are there and explain to your son what you intend to do and that you only ever planned it to be a temporary arrangement that seems heading towards becoming permanent.
If your son wants to help his son to look for somewhere else, that is up to him.
On the other hand, if you rarely use the flat, why not officially rent it to GS ? Surely better than having the place stand empty ?

Marty

He is your darling grandson and you love him. I think some of the posts are rather harsh.
Life is tough for young people these days. I am sure finding somewhere to stay or flat share with someone you like is difficult.
Let him stay and charge a reasonable rent. He won't be there for ever.

I agree !

MawtheMerrier

What would be the problem with charging him a reasonable rent?

Because I am guessing that he will then have rights as a tenant.

Riggie, yes that's what would concern me, hence my earlier post upthread (Wed 16-Mar-22 10:22:14). It's not as simple as it sounds!

I'd leave things as they are for a bit. A lot of young people take a job in London thinking they will be at the hub of things, they soon realise that might be so but they really can't afford the things. Show him any bills and explain the costs of even a small flat. I bet he's looked at house shares and was shocked by the price. You could ask him to pay the flat's expenses. But I bet give him another few months and he will be looking at jobs in other (cheaper)places and moving and you will have your flat back.

Charge him what’s it should be on the rental market (as I’m sure that will be the push he needs). Also, it would be nice to have someone in it for security reasons.

*Life is tough for young people these days. I am sure finding somewhere to stay or flat share with someone you like is difficult.
Let him stay and charge a reasonable rent. He won't be there for ever.*
This was kind of what I thought, maybe combined with an earlier suggestion that when you're using it, he has to sleep elsewhere, be that a B&B, a friend's sofa or a travelodge. That way the flat is being lived in, he's able to save a bit but is getting used to paying rent and bills, and you still have the convenience of the flat - and him getting groceries, bread and milk in for you when you do go up. As long as he looks after the place, and keeps it clean, I'd be happy to help him out. My daughter, a student in London, has to pay £260 per Week for her rooms, it's absolutely crippling for her. If I had somewhere to live there which I wasn't using all of the time, I'd definitely let her stay.

This is such a difficult conversation to have but you must decide what is best for you. You are lucky to have been able to acquire a spare flat for occasional use and have been generous in lending it out.

Instead of an air bed what about a decent sofa bed - not for you but for your grandson to use when you stay? He is a guest but could start to feel he takes preference and you feel “guilty” about expecting first dibs on the comfortable bed.

Talk to him about his share of the bills at least. Costs are rocketing and you shouldn’t be subsidising another adult (if anything that is a parent’s responsibility).

I think you can let a room in your home for so much a week with no tax liability - then he’s paying something.(£80 per week?)

If you really want him out you have to put a time limit on the arrangement.

You could visit more often yourselves and bring your grandparently ways: music, tv, bed time.

Hopefully he’ll start to find his feet in the city and find something to suit soon - it can’t be good hooking up with a significant person only to have the GPs cramping your style.

Good luck!

One of our sons studied in London - finding a flat with friends was a time-intensive intensive activity during the summer, he got quite good at it over the years. But it was always very expensive. The other one worked in central London for about a year, and found a room in someone’s house right at the end of the Northern line. It was affordable, and an easy commute because he got on the Tube before it got crowded.

I think reclaiming your flat might be a question of just that - be there more often, he’ll soon want a bit of independence!

It's really difficult for young people to find acommodation in London so not surprising he happy where he is!