How do I reclaim my flat?

He is your darling grandson and you love him. I think some of the posts are rather harsh.
Life is tough for young people these days. I am sure finding somewhere to stay or flat share with someone you like is difficult.
Let him stay and charge a reasonable rent. He won't be there for ever.

The rent he has saved must be used to get him a B&B when you need to be alone in your flat. Be firm and get him out of there asap. He is taking advantage.

I agree with grandetante and others. Your grandson has had his period of grace now time to enter the real world.
He needs to move out when you are using the flat and pay rent. A deadline for moving on is a good idea. You could always save his rent money and give it to him as a surprise when he gets his own place semiruralgirl

Is your flat empty when you are not there & you only use it occasionally?

why wouldn’t you let him stay there instead of spending most of his salary in rent - why wouldn’t you support and help a family member particularly a grandson.

Talk to your grandson first, reminding him that this was a temporary arrangement and asking him how the hunt for accomodation is going.

How often do you and / or your husband use the flat?

If you use it regularly, you do not want to be sharing with your grandson. Tell him that from next time you or his grandfather needs the flat you expect him to find somewhere else to stay for the days in question.

'At his age it is quite the done thing to sleep on a friend's couch or floor for a couple of nights.

Then fix a definite deadline for when he is to be out of the flat entirely.

Obviously, you will want to mention to your son what agreement you have now come to with your grandson, but as I assume your grandson is of age, neither he nor your son will appreciate it if you try to drag your son into this as a mediator. It is hardly his business what arrangement you and an adult grandson have come to, or not come to.

He may well not look unless you are charging him nearer a market rent. Or near what Uni Halls of Residence would cost.

Maybe set up a flat hunting session? Maybe your hubby takes an afternoon off to take your grandson around estate agents?

I wouldn’t give him 3 or 6 months further stay, without one of your family going with him around estate agents.

Good luck.

I would say that you gifted him a month and now he needs to contribute financially and also give him a deadline.

It might be hard for him to pay rent to you and save for a deposit and on top of that, being young, he might be having a great time and forgotten to save for a deposit..

So maybe you could charge a reasonable rent, take off the bills and then gift the rest back to him..

If the flat would usually be empty and you don't usually profit from it anyway

Hope you get your space back

If I was only using the flat occasionally but it was otherwise not used, I would just let the status quo continue - so long as it is looked after properly and is always available for you when you would normally go ... unless there are additional costs associated with his staying.
Is it costing you any more money for him to be there?
An unoccupied property will cost you more to insure than an occupied one.

nandad

Calendargirl

Even better, sell your flat.

Why should the OP do this? She said the arrangement was for a month or so. Also says DH uses the flat when he works in London.

Sounds rather like DS and GS thought that once he was in there, he would be allowed to stay on indefinitely.

Not really fair.

Because Calendargirl property in London and the SE is in short supply. This flat sounds like it is empty most of the time. Young people can’t buy, or rent, anything affordable in our area because flats have been bought by people who work in London during the week and go home to their country home at weekends. During the pandemic these properties have lain empty which has had a serious impact on local businesses. However because of supply and demand if the properties go on sale the price is still too inflated for local youngsters to be able to afford.
Goddaughter is looking to buy a flat in London, she can ‘only’ afford £550,000 for a 1 bedroom/studio. These flats don’t even make it onto the internet, Estate Agents have a list of people who they contact knowing that the property is likely to be sold within two or three viewings at higher than asking price.

Where in London would that be?
In an area I’m very familiar with in SW17, admittedly not the most ‘sort-after’ as EAs so often put it ?, that sort of money would buy you a 2 bed period maisonette of 65 - 70 sq m, in a nice enough road, usually with its own little garden or patio thrown in. Plus a fairly easy walk from both tube and main line station.

Admittedly it’s still ridiculous money, though.

semiruralgirl - if you don't charge your grandson the going rate (not a cheap one) for rent in London, you are disabling him for the future. I have many clients who live in rented accommodation in London and I know that it's only by living in the real world of London property prices that the decision as to whether one should be aiming to work in London or not can be made. Your grandson has to make the choice between taking a job in a place where he can afford to live, and taking a job where he might not want to live but where he can afford to. You're not doing your grandson any favours. Where I live (in greater London), many young people remain living in the parental home in order to get a job working in town, but they have to sacrifice their own 'pad' - your grandson has a ready-made flat with all the privacy he wants yet has done nothing for that and is cushioned against the reality of London living.
But on the other hand, keeping a London flat for your husband to spend two or three days a month in ?

Why not propose that he moves out of the flat and stays in a travelodge or similar for the period you will be in residence at the flat? That way he’s not in your hair, and it will focus his mind to find himself a permanent flat if he knows this will be what he has to do every time your husband and/or yourself are in London?

Having reread the OP, I think the solution, without causing a family row and too much trauma, is for one of you always to be there so that the GS always has to sleep on the airbed. I assume, when you are not there, he sleeps in the bed. You could also throw redecorating the place into the mix. Failing that, rent flat out to him at the market rate and stay in a hotel for the odd night you are in London.

How you do it is you do it!

SueDonim, good idea - he really can't expect to stay there when it's needed by the owners.

Unfortunately, the problem has been created by an overly generous offer of help. He should have been paying rent and bills right from the start and should have been given a deadline to leave as well.

It’s good that he’s recognising that he needs to get himself sorted out with his own place. I’d suggest to him that when you and your Dh need the flat your GS goes and stays in a Travelodge or similar while you’re in London. That might concentrate his mind, too!

I sympathise with both sides in this scenario. A one bedroomed flat is too small for that extra body. My daughter, while she looked for a place, had to bunk down with a relative on an airbed for nearly three months. She was buying and legal process had to be endured. When she decided to upgrade to a two bedroomed flat, accelerated because of WFH, she had to move further out for one in her price range. I think you need to consider the loneliness of London for young people who have recently moved there. He wants to be where he feels he has contacts and a safe area to come back to late at night. I think you are doing the right thing by helping him to find a place, even going with him to view if necessary. We tend to think that when they become adults they should know it all and will be sensible about their choices, However, they are young adults, in the big world for the first time and need some TLC - a little, not too much - to help them make the right choices. Most London areas are accessible by bus and tube. I'd encourage him to cast the net a little wider as he may get more for his money, even if it is an extra 20 minute commute.

nandad

The same argument applies in areas like Cornwall, Devon and Dorset, I suppose, where properties have been bought as second or holiday homes, pushing the price out of reach of local people, particularly young ones.

Short of banning the sale of second homes, I don’t know what the answer is.

If you doubt whether he is saving, you could charge him rent and give the money back to him when he finds somewhere else so that he can use it as a deposit

Nandad, also, you’re right, the flat has been empty, but we’ve just come out of lockdown, so we weren’t able to be there at all for a while - we’re resuming now!

Your opinions are all very helpful, thank you. Regarding Nandad - I have thought about selling the flat, but we are caught in the cladding scenario (although we think if there is cladding, it’s a very small amount - my DH is an architect!). I have had a chat with my GS and he has got a ‘move on’, and I have also found some accommodation for him through friends etc.but they are too far out! He’s not a selfish lad but he has a particular area he wants to be in, and after the lockdown shared flats are difficult to find and get snapped up. I am on the ‘case’ and will be having a chat with him. Just wondered what OP’s views were, and on the whole they confirm mine. Thanks again

So we’ll all be ‘bunking’ down together, with him sleeping on an air mattress in the living room! I

Who will be sleeping on the air mattress?

As others have said, give him a time limit, be careful if you charge rent however small as it may give him legal rights and don’t sell your flat.
Good luck as he sounds that he has the perfect place.

You could just tell him he has to leave as you like to stay occasionally and would rather it were empty the rest of the time.

Charge him the commercial rent. That will have him up and rapidly looking for a cheaper place in a shared flat or house

Calendargirl

^Even better, sell your flat^.

Why should the OP do this? She said the arrangement was for a month or so. Also says DH uses the flat when he works in London.

Sounds rather like DS and GS thought that once he was in there, he would be allowed to stay on indefinitely.

Not really fair.

Because Calendargirl property in London and the SE is in short supply. This flat sounds like it is empty most of the time. Young people can’t buy, or rent, anything affordable in our area because flats have been bought by people who work in London during the week and go home to their country home at weekends. During the pandemic these properties have lain empty which has had a serious impact on local businesses. However because of supply and demand if the properties go on sale the price is still too inflated for local youngsters to be able to afford.
Goddaughter is looking to buy a flat in London, she can ‘only’ afford £550,000 for a 1 bedroom/studio. These flats don’t even make it onto the internet, Estate Agents have a list of people who they contact knowing that the property is likely to be sold within two or three viewings at higher than asking price.

Just wondering whether charging him 'rent' would alter his legal status and make it harder to get him to leave if he's reluctant to do so? It's a minefield these days!