Whose right here

Skydancer

I find the way to get things done is say you're going to do it yourself. This always works in our household.

It does in ours as well especially if you produce the tools that will be needed. Or throw bags down the stairs that are too heavy to carry.

Spot on Baggs.

I understand what you mean when you say you feel sick when he talks to you like that. It's very belittling, and then a huge sensation of your stomach dropping to your feet.
Stand up for yourself.

He's feeling guilty Sallywally because he knows he should have got on and done it.

Instead of apologising for not doing it, he's attacking you instead.

Just say "Well, I thought I'd save you a heavy job, dear".

Mollygo

JaneJudge
I give my adult children a bit of money if they do jobs for me, I don't think it is that unusual.
I would would like to, but they won’t let me. DD’s say, “For heavens sake Mum!”
It’s easier to offer a take-away or coffee and cakes.

That's what I do too. They do so much for me, refuse to take penny and try to pay for everything. For that reason, I buy treats instead, then it's a fait accompli.

Either one of us or both if needed go the tip to get the rubbish out the way when it's required.
If our son does little jobs for us I reward him because I want too. A little extra for diesel is always welcome.
Your husband feels undermined because he is immature by the sounds of it. I would just let him sulk and don't rise to the bait.

you say 'when he says things like this I actually feel quite sick...........
That is awful, I would sooner be on my own....

Unless this sort of thing happens frequently Sallywally I would not make a big thing out of it. Just say, well its done now so we can all relax.

It sounds like to me he likes to be in control and is a bully in the way he talks to,. Need I say anymore.

JaneJudge
I give my adult children a bit of money if they do jobs for me, I don't think it is that unusual.
I would would like to, but they won’t let me. DD’s say, “For heavens sake Mum!”
It’s easier to offer a take-away or coffee and cakes.

JaneJudge

I give my adult children a bit of money if they do jobs for me, I don't think it is that unusual?

Sally. ask your husband if he realises how he makes you feel

Or just say "Don't be horrid."

I need to lend you my DH.. he loves a trip to the tip.. we pay for a fortnightly ' green bin' collection but if I have a couple of bags of garden pruning, weeds etc he will whisk it away almost before I am finished..I have been known to be annoyed at his haste

I give my adult children a bit of money if they do jobs for me, I don't think it is that unusual?

Sally. ask your husband if he realises how he makes you feel

Curlywhirly

DanniRae

I can't believe that you had to pay your son to take the rubbish for you?

Me neither!

Nor me!

My children often ask if I need anything taken to the tip. I don't even need to ask!

DanniRae

I can't believe that you had to pay your son to take the rubbish for you?

Me neither!

I can't believe that you had to pay your son to take the rubbish for you?

I find the way to get things done is say you're going to do it yourself. This always works in our household.

My husband is the same - it takes him ages to get round to actually doing a job, and even longer for him to complete it! He does work, though. It drives me mad with frustration.

I am unable to do such jobs myself as I have arthritic hands and find it difficult to lift anything!

I think the issue here is a bullying tone used by him to me.

Yes, I should do something, but I am quite unassertive.

Sounds like the 10 garden sacks could have made good compost

Tell him he undermined himself by not getting on with it.

Ohh dear….. as long as the rubbish has gone such a shame for this to even be an issue (IMO)
Sad that he feels undermined rather than grateful. Best wishes

“When a man says he is going to do something, there is no need to remind him every six months” ??

Coastpath

As your husband had cleared the garden could you not have taken the rubbish to the tip?

Do you not have some kind of green garden bin collection by your local council?

OPs husband is retired. OP still works 2 days a week.
I’m puzzled why you feel sick when he talks to you as he does.

As your husband had cleared the garden could you not have taken the rubbish to the tip?

Do you not have some kind of green garden bin collection by your local council?