Sex life over

Oldnproud Well said.

I will be happy to answer your question by PM once I have asked the physio. I am pretty sure I know the answer but I prefer to give facts not guesses.

DiscoDancer Who suggested that everyone should take it? Certainly not me.

I only need an implant twice a year so it is hardly taxing. The other 363 days of the year I simply forget about it.

I wouldn't feel better without it. Without it, at 73 I would be crippled with osteoporosis like my mother and grandmother before me, would probably have the beginnings of stress incontinence, possibly have sleep problems and judging from the many contributions on here I might possibly have lost my enthusiasm for a mutually satisfying love life.

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DiscoDancer1975
" Esspee, I’m just saying the treatment isn’t natural, and you may have felt better without it. Perhaps not straight away, but after a couple of years. "

The trouble with waiting to see if you are one of the lucky or the unlucky in the menopause lottery is that by the time the full impact of the changes becomes obvious, much can, it seems, be irreversible. That is the position I and many others have found ourselves in.

Honestly, those who haven't been there can't begin to imagine how the menopause can affect both your body and your mind. I never imagined for one moment that I would become one of those women who now avoids sex like the plague, but it has happened.

Is taking HRT from the outset, before you know how the menopause might affect you personally long term, really much different from taking any other drug or treatment as a preventative measure against something that might never happen to you anyway, such as statins to reduce the risks of strokes or heart attacks if you have high cholestorol ?

Not everyone can use either hrt or the oestrogen vaginal supplements. A vaginal bleed will lead to the pessaries no longer being prescribed
It’s a loving consent issue. What man would insist by whatever means, on intercourse or any for, if sexual activity his loving partner no longer felt drawn to. Or woman for that matter. Sex may have been a shared joy. Surely it can be accepted the love, the physical hugs and cuddles continue without the physical sexual act that’s no longer possible/wanted

Esspee, I’m just saying the treatment isn’t natural, and you may have felt better without it. Perhaps not straight away, but after a couple of years.

Thirty years to be taking a replacement sounds horrendous to me, but if you’re happy...that’s great.

My concern isn’t about what you do or don’t take. It’s the idea that all of us should do it.

DiscoDancer My implants are made from 100% body bio-identical estradiol made from yams. Have been doing so for 33 years so it’s nothing new. It doesn’t help with the stimulation of my natural hormones as you said, it replaces the oestrogen that my body lacks. That’s why it is called Hormone REPLACEMENT Therapy. You may not as you say know how effective this is but I do. It is wonderful. Wonderful at preventing both the early menopause symptoms e.g. hot flushes and wonderful at preventing the much later symptoms e.g. osteoporosis.
Supplements do not accomplish the same things.

MissAdventure. I believe you are completely correct regarding libido.

snowberry You don’t have to go private to get testosterone. I was asked recently if I wanted both testosterone and oestrogen implants by a new NHS consultant.

HRT never worked for me but then I had testosterone implants for a few years until cuts in the nhs stopped them.

DiscoDancer1975

^please do share with us what these treatments are^ . I can’t believe this has passed you by Oldnproud. ?. HRT.....the answer to everything!! ?

Unless hrtt contains a small amount of testosterone it will do absolutely nothing for your libido.
You have to go private to get this type of hrt

Never understood why they deny this to women in the UK
It would make such a difference.

Surely HRT is much the same as viagra, in that your mind has got to be up for it (pardon the pun!)
If you don't want to, it doesn't matter what you take or what you try.

I've never taken HRT despite very early menopause, due to chemotherapy and later, total hysterectomy. No problems. Very happy being drug free.

Esspee, HRT replaces with manufactured hormones. I know there are plant hormones which can help with the stimulation of your own natural oestrogen, but not sure how effective this is.

Supplements are probably just as good for some people..( me included). So Magnesium, Vit D and B.

If you’re taking prescribed HRT, then this is not natural.

I’m glad you feel so well, but so do I. So you can’t say for definite, that it’s due to HRT, in the same way I can’t say it isn’t for you. I know it isn’t for me, because I’ve never taken it.

Take care.

DiscoDancer You are absolutely right. HRT doesn't suit everyone.
You are incorrect to equate HRT with pumping ones body full of drugs. It is replacing a natural hormone, oestrogen in much the same way that insulin replaces the missing natural hormone for diabetics.

Exactly, which means a discussion has to take place.

I am afraid with regard to consent to sex it can only be down to one person. The person saying no. As I say the other person obviously has the right to say I can't cope with no sex in a relationship.

During the menopause I was subject to week long spells of heavy bleeding, which could have put an end to our love life but did not. I developed many ways of giving him pleasure without vaginal intercourse. This made him and me happy, as loving him dearly, his pleasure was my pleasure - just like often making him his favourite meals while having something different myself.

Once the menopause was over, things returned to normal with the addition of our new repertoire to spice things up.

Me too, but I don't think it's for one person in a relationship to decide how things will be.
It has to be agreed by both.

No they have to make a decision about whether they can be in a relationship without sex or not. I dont know about other people but the thought of having sex with someone who doesnt want to have sex makes me feel ill.

So, should the other person in the relationship just go without, in order to keep their partner happy?

Have sex to keep a man happy? Really? Have we not moved on at all. We are not here for their pleasure. I would never have sex to keep a man happy. Marriage or partnerships should be about being happy with each other and that doesn’t mean having to have sex. Love, hugs and cuddles can portray our love for each other without having sex but it is up to the individual. Never feel pressured into doing it though.

Oldnproud

One good thing is that at least the next generation seem much more aware of potential post-menopausal problems, and the perimenopause too. My DiL in her mid 40s has mentioned the subject a few times. She and her friends seem well prepared.

Yes...they’re much more aware than we were. However, I’m always conscious of the fact HRT is not for everyone, and shouldn’t be pushed as if it is.

I’ve heard many stories of women being quite ill. I also know many women, myself included, who had a few difficulties, but are now past it and feeling fine.

There is no guarantee you would have felt any better, had you taken HRT, and there’s nothing to show the women who do take it, wouldn’t have felt better anyway, without the need to pump their bodies with drugs.

Take care.

One good thing is that at least the next generation seem much more aware of potential post-menopausal problems, and the perimenopause too. My DiL in her mid 40s has mentioned the subject a few times. She and her friends seem well prepared.

Esspee, if I had known all that ten or eleven years ago, rather than finding out the hard way over time, just how badly the menopause can affect health and well-being long term, I would certainly have very seriously considered HRT from the very start.

I started on vaginal creams / lubricants a couple of years after the menopause, but for me they did absolutely nothing to take away the pain of intercourse - not that I really wanted sex by then anyway, as without HRT, my libido was well and truly gone by then.
I'm on oestrogen vaginal pessaries now, as I started getting recurring UTIs, or at least the debilitating symptoms of them, three or four years ago. They are holding them at bay, but that's all.

I would be interested to know if your friend has had much success in women so long after the menopause. Can HRT reverse over ten years of deterioration and restore something that seems long-gone?

This isn’t a topic I could discuss with many people but I do have 2 close friends and the subject has come up in a roundabout way. Both are around 70 and both are still enjoying their sex lives. Of course I have no idea how common this is.

DiscoDancer1975

^please do share with us what these treatments are^ . I can’t believe this has passed you by Oldnproud. ?. HRT.....the answer to everything!! ?

Glad you have been paying attention DiscoDancer
Vaginal atrophy is caused by lack of oestrogen. The easiest way to avoid it is by keeping youthful oestrogen levels steady through taking HRT from perimenopause.
Many women nowadays do this. I am on oestrogen for life, it adds so much to my quality of life.
Low libido is caused by lack of testosterone and this can be prescribed if necessary.
However this is gransnet where most of us are older and many people have been told they already have vaginal atrophy without knowing this is a common menopausal symptom. It tends to kick in around 10 years after your last period, like osteoporosis, osteoarthritis, incontinence and all the other horrible long term effects of menopause.
Your GP is the person you should be consulting after you have read up on the subject. Being fully informed is the key to getting the best outcome.
I have a friend who is a physio specialising in this subject. She prescribes Vagirux (I think), a little oestrogen pellet which is inserted into the vagina every day for 14 days then twice a week thereafter, together with a vaginal lubricant called YESVM or YESVL which is applied every day. She says it is a very successful combination. Where appropriate she suggests to the GP that HRT is started.
I won't be phoning her today to be sure I have the names of the medication correct as she has guests.
I hope you find this useful Oldnproud. Feel free to PM me. I love hearing all the success stories.

please do share with us what these treatments are . I can’t believe this has passed you by Oldnproud. ?. HRT.....the answer to everything!! ?