Personally, I would go first and ring him later in the day. When you are in an abusive relationship, even if it is 'only' verbal abuse. When you finally say you have had enough and are leaving, it can tip into physical abuse, and you do not want to put yourself at risk of injury, or even death.
Lets be clear about one thing, you are in an abusive relationship. However caring your husband may be, when he chooses to be, He uses this mix of caring/verbally abusive/ureasonably jealous, to control you.
The pschological abuse your husband indulges in, puts him as much in danger of the law as does physical abuse as psychological abuse was recently also made a crime.
I think you only have one choice. Go, Get out, as fast as you can. If necessary go to a Woman's Refuge if you cannot go to family, friends, or rent a place of your own. On the day you leave go and see a solicitor. make sure it is one specialising in divorce and separation.
You ask;^Has anyone been in this position or similar?' The answer is that you are one of thousands, if not tens of thousands suffering as you do at the moment. A solicitor specialising in divorce, probably hears stories like yours almost daily.
So get out, then get a solicitor and then tell your husband. Do not tell him where you are staying, and if he comes looking for you, do not see him. Just give him your solicitors details and tell him to only communicate with you through your solicitor. You say he can be loving and caring. He will try to charm you and seduce you back into your marriage, where the abuse will start all over again, no matter what he promises in advance.