Husband acting stupid with our adult sons

Can’t imagine that would worry me too much if that’s all he dies wrong I bet the boys enjoyed hearing about their dads daft childhood
However I wouldn’t be told to shut up
But is it worth having a fight over ?

I’m not surprised he told you to shut up. My husband and sons used to quote all sorts of silly things to each other, they knew all the die hard scripts and Simpson’s jokes. Men communicate in different ways to women but your husband and boys are communicating in their own way. It is not for you to police and judge that they are not doing it your way and for you to impose your ways on them.
If your husband didn’t have a good father then he is doing his best. You should be encouraging him not sneering at him. Why do you think he should be different to his father. It is not an automatic thing to be a perfect person if you have a crap example to follow.
It sounds to me like he has no self confidence and is therefore quoting other people who have said things he thought sounded good or funny to your sons.
It also sounds that you are teaching your sons to despise their father.
I hope that you can support him more and give him confidence and perhaps then he wouldn’t need to quote others.

Opinions are formed by listening to or reading other people’s opinions. It’s natural to quote one’s sources, cultural even.

He was possibly embarrassed at being pulled up, that was his retaliation line.

Perhaps your boys look up to their fathers honesty and not be embarrassed by the fact he acted stupidly in his young days didn’t we all ? perhaps they learn a lesson to accept your past and not be ashamed of it

I think you are in the wrong and be glad your husband and boys have a good relationship

Dont worry about it as long as it’s not criminal behavior, my OH tells me tales of his younger days and the scrapes he got into, all believable because he’s pretty adventurous now (in a nice way).
It’s what men do!.

To tell how he did a stupid thing is useful for his son to know, as the story warns your son not to make a similar mistake. A father who pretends to be faultless will not be believed by children over a certain age. It takes moral courage to own up for the good of others.

I have told my sons all the daft things i got up to as a child,they thought it was hilarious and asked me to tell the grandchildren,and they loved it,i am hero acccording to my one Gc,he sits next to me and asks me to tell it again.

You cannot control others nor should you. Your husbands behaviour is not a reflection of you, leave him alone..

Can I turn this thread round and ask the OP what does she think her sons think of her? Do they buy into what is, no doubt, a carefully curated version of herself that she presents to them. or is their view of her, however much they love her, of how mum was always fussing around thinking about what other people were thinking of her and Dad - and was always wrong!

We cannot shape what out children think of us, they make their own decisions and the things they remember and treasure are highly unlikely to be the things that matter to us.

So relax and leave your DH to be himself with his sons - and everyone else and you should also be happy to be yourself and stop second guessing what ther people are thinking of you as well.

Don't understand this thread. Seems to be 2 different things - husband quoting other people's opinions on what? And separately husband having banter with his sons. Both seem fair to me.

Elaine I think the poster is using both illustrations to try to say her husband is not a good intelligent influence on their sons which of course is not true by the examples she has given

Thanks BlueBelle I can see that now.

How a man and his grown up sons (or daughters) communicate with each other, how they get on and how they feel is strictly their own business
I think OP sounds as if she feels left out of these conversations and interprets what is apparently acceptable banter or anecdotes about his youth to them, as “stupid”. She risks being seen as meddling or controlling and IMO needs to step back.

Well, I hope florence isnt put off by the replies and comes back with perhaps more background on how this problem actually affects the family
It would seem she's hit a tender spot for her husband, or he wouldnt have reacted in such a way.

Err, I just don't get this? Her husband (who she chose to have children with) has a bit of fun and banter with his sons? Oh dear, how dreadful!! I don't blame him for telling her to shut up, he is there for them? he is their father? end of.

Reading this back, it sounds like OP’s husband is maybe easily led and doesn’t have any opinions of his own/is easily swayed. Which makes me wonder how they’ve been together this long, if it annoys her!

I think most of us probably tell our kids & GC about daft things we got up to in our youth, they usually like to hear what we got up to. They probably get fed up of hearing the same old tales Can’t see the harm.

My kids haven’t had a strong father figure ….. they’ve done alright. I taught them to form their own opinions.

Are you perhaps annoyed they get on so well. He’s developing a good relationship with his son, please don’t ruin it for them.
They may both turn against you.

I don't understand why, if he hadn't a strong father figure to follow, that he would be different.
So much of our behaviour is not really decided by what we have experienced but by genetics!
My son , now in his thirties had minimal contact with his own father from a baby but I can certainly see aspects of his father's personality coming out over the years !
If he can't be "silly " with his sons, who can he with????
When he starts off again (and he will, if only to annoy you) just leave them to it - they are allowed to have fun surely!

I fail to understand how what the OP describes is ‘acting stupid(ly)’. Is she jealous of the relationship her husband has with his sons? She sounds a bit of a misery and I’m not surprised he told her to shut up.

My father used to tell me and my two siblings all sorts of things that he got up to as a boy. Some of the stories were hilarious, although naughty. Shooting a boy in the backside with an air gun when he was eight…

FlorenceRosie I hope all the negative comments haven't upset you. I sense that you have definite ideas of what a father/son relationship should be. I wonder did you have a father you worshipped? Is that what you want for your sons? You can't change people, so its probably best to let them build their own relationship and step back.