Granddaughter and partner issues

Sunday will be 1 month he's been sleeping in spare room. I've tried twice in this last week to talk to him. Asked him if he intends moving out and if so when. Also asked if he intends sorting out the problem if he is staying. First time he started getting angry amd said I'm trying to force him to make a decision. Second time he said he's got no plans to move out. I then asked so are we at some point going to sort this out. To which he responded 'at some point'. I don't get it. What the hell is he playing at. Is he planning on moving out but doesn't want to tell me yet incase I kick him out straight away or is he planning on staying but enjoying 'punishing' me. I know everyone has advised me to kick him out but something is stopping me doing that. Perhaps I need a psychiatrist

He is playing at a game called control, and you are allowing it.
Since when did he get to decide what will happen, and when?

It doesn't matter what his reasons are for acting as he is, because neither is acceptable in a relationship between two adults, with equal rights, and equal obligations.

Yes, quite agree here.

you are getting bogged down in irrelevant speculation, re his motives, intentions etc.
you need to ditch all that.
cut through the tangling toxicity in which you are enmeshed.
do not dawdle in distractions.
act. now. for you.
don't ask him, tell him : there is the door, goodbye.

You don't need a Psychiatrist, Ganny2. You just need now to control your own life, make your own decisions, and find someone who will respect you and make you happy. This man is never going to do that and will be a millstone around your neck the more that you give in and try to accommodate his controlling nonsense.

His continued sulking and idiot-speak about making decisions is a waste of everyone's time. He's in no position to make any decisions which matter - he's blown it. He's in your house, doing just as he likes and I'm sure by now you'd prefer his room to his company.

Just calmly give him a date by which he needs to up and move out. Like 10.00am Monday! It needs no discussion or his agreement. He doesn't need notice, he pays you no rent, he is occupying your home and with his feet under your table he obviously thinks that the time will come around when he's top dog again and you're bound to start toeing the party line.

Surprise him. There's no time like the present. You have already made a stand and stuck to your decision over your Son's fiancé's child. She might sometimes be hard work but you know you are obviously making a difference and helping build a good relationship with her and with your family. But with your own relationship, even after 14 years off and on, this man has no interest in that but feels the only thing that matters is getting his own way. As an adult he should be ashamed of his opinions and actions towards a small child and his disrespect for you, but he's not worried as to how much this all matters as he creates chaos in your life.

Tell him if he doesn't leave by the date you give him - or before - you will simply call the Police. If that's how he wants things to end that will be his own (very immature) choice. Don't argue with him, don't let him intimidate you or try to talk nonsense or think now he has any choice. Too late. Take control - you'll be so much happier on your own and without conflict. If others on this forum speak the truth about their own experiences - you're not going to regret for a second changing your life for the better. You deserve all the happiness you can get. Just do it !

My question is what are you actually getting out of this relationship that's positive? What would you lose by letting him go for good?
Having read one of your posts about it being 'your' house, I firmly believe if you gave him joint ownership or bought a house together, the noose would only get even tighter around your neck.
My fiance now husband lived in my house 10 yrs before we moved. Not once did he ever mention about it being my house.
Please get rid of him before you lose more than you bargained for... hugs

know everyone has advised me to kick him out but something is stopping me doing that

Are you still in love with this man ? If so all our advice is wasted!

Ganny you need support to take action. Go to ghe police, inform them he won't leave your home, ask for help. Or at the very least contact Womens Aid and ask for advice on tge action needed to get him removed. His actions in the last month are just more manipulation. You need others to help you see the wood for the trees.

Ganny2

Sunday will be 1 month he's been sleeping in spare room. I've tried twice in this last week to talk to him. Asked him if he intends moving out and if so when. Also asked if he intends sorting out the problem if he is staying. First time he started getting angry amd said I'm trying to force him to make a decision. Second time he said he's got no plans to move out. I then asked so are we at some point going to sort this out. To which he responded 'at some point'. I don't get it. What the hell is he playing at. Is he planning on moving out but doesn't want to tell me yet incase I kick him out straight away or is he planning on staying but enjoying 'punishing' me. I know everyone has advised me to kick him out but something is stopping me doing that. Perhaps I need a psychiatrist

Why would he move out Ganny2? He has his own room and I'm assuming pays little towards the household expenses. I expect you're still cooking for him and washing his clothes and doing most of the housework.

Actually, can I move in? I'd love that arrangement.

He's using you. He has a nice life with you. Not quite as nice as it could be, if he could just get rid of your pesky, irritating grandchild. But overall, he's got it very good.

It's up to you if you put up with him. But as a friend once asked me, what does he (my bloke at the time) add to your life that is good? If there isn't anything, he's not worth having.

What the hell is he playing at.
What he is playing at is the waiting game, he is waiting for you to give in. It's worked before, why wouldn't it work again. Tell me Ganny2, is it going to this time?

First time he started getting angry amd said I'm trying to force him to make a decision.
Well surprise, of course you are! You know you can't keep living like this. He's waiting like some entitled deity for you to go crawling into his room telling him you're so sorry you were so unreasonable and yes of course you'll do as he asks because . . . oh, hold on a minute, how would that sentence end? Because what exactly?
Because you can't live without him? You've done it before (for 4yrs) and can do it again.
Because you can't afford your house without his financial help? Oops, no he doesn't contribute to household expenses.
Because he's such great fun to have around? Oh no, he treats you like 'dog poop'.

Why exactly?

Second time he said he's got no plans to move out.
Of course he's not planning to leave! As many previous posters have said, he's got it too good. Mumsnet would tell you to stop doing anything for him immediately if you haven't already. No cooking, no cups of tea, no washing and definitely no cleaning his room! I'd go further and say ignore him, don't try to talk to him to 'sort this out'. He'll just see as another sign of you starting to soften and come round to his point of view, as I suspect has happened in the past. Remember he doesn't want to sort this out, he wants you to agree to do what he says!

Ganny2 you know what you need to do! Tell him a date, get a friend or your son to be there to help and say goodbye.