Son and family moving to Australia

Phiippa60
If your still reading could you reply to the posters who are still replying to a thread that is 3 years old

Why do these old threads keep appearing?

Hello P60; I really feel for you. It happened to me about 12 years ago. My son met and married an Australian girl who he met over here while she was on her travels. They announced they were going to live in Australia. It broke my heart at the time. I tried very hard to hide my feelings. He knew how upset I was (his dad had passed away). Now quite a few years on, I have remarried and we have visited a lot. I have 2 grandchildren there. Australia is a fantastic country and they have a lovely standard of living. We have seen many different parts of the country and each time try to visit a place we have never been to. He has been over with the family a couple of times and we speak most weeks although as previously mentioned the grandchildren are not keen to speak on FaceTime! I cry buckets each time I leave but try to console myself that their lifestyle is amazing compared to what it would be here. Good luck.

I dont know if it still exists, but there used to be an association where people could join up to get cheaper flights to and from Australia ,after belonging for a year. It might be something you could check up on. If it costs very little to join, you could join now so that by the time they actually get moved out to Australia it would not even be a year until you could go to visit them.

Whilst it might be a really useful thing to do , the reality is not the point, but by checking this out you find out the actual situation, but you are then showing your son that whilst you are sad for yourselves, you accept their choice and are making some concrete plans to see them in the future. That would also cover your husbands attitude at the moment, as you could go alone or hopefully by the time it was something you wanted to use he might have changed his mind and be happy to go too. If anyone on gransnet has done this they may be able to give you some tips. Then I agree that a very long straight through flight is hard anyway and even more as we get older. So if you factor in staying perhaps for two nights somewhere on the way, you could look at this other little holiday as a possibility that you had not thought of going to before.

This could change on every trip you make so that you get to see other places too as a sort of "extra". I have lived abroad and travelled a great deal, and whilst it is of course not true of Australia, I used to say to my family that for example, when I lived in Portugal, they could come by plane to see me and be there much quicker than if I had gone to live in the Outer Hebrides , which had been a possibility. So perhaps you could think of places your husband had spoken about wanting to see, or rather sneakily an occasion he would like to visit. So is there a Golf tournament, or a motor race or a horse race he would have loved to go to? You could maybe check them out and suggest that you travel at about that time so that he could do that as well, rather than it being an extravagant one off trip? Of course you could also choose something that you have always wanted to go to and say how lovely it is that you will also be able to do that on your trip, and of course suddenly think of how he could go to something too. It just might help to balance against the awful despair he is feeling.

I hope that these might be some help to you and set you off in ideas of your own. They will still be your family wherever they are in the world, and no one knows how the future will go. After lots of travel , my family returned to the uk, and so we were around to see my parents etc. but naturally you find when you are reasonably local , you dont make those actual concrete plans to meet up in the same way, so you may actually see as much of them in time just that it will now be more concentrated and deliberate. Wishing you all the best and that these messages from gn's give you some comfort and ideas for the future.

I haven't been able to sleep and so I looked through some posts and happened on this one although it's old. I wonder how Phillipa and husband are.
Miss my girl who estranged me, she doesn't live far away but might as well live the other side of the world , glad she doesn't though.
I read every post and admire how you have all dealt with a very difficult situation, know I would have been in bits. We all just want our children happy and we all have to let them go in different ways. Do hope you all have the regular contact and are able to see them. I remember when very young, a lady I knew of, her daughter married on July 04, I remember the date, her daughter after the wedding went on a £10 passage to Australia, her mother cried for weeks as she knew she would not see her again, she just had letters, how things have changed. I did not realise at the time being so young how hard it must have been. Wrapped up in my own pain, I failed to see how much others have had to experience in a different way.
Do hope you are all part if your children's lives still

I think u should not show your upset. They are young and have the chance of a better life. I have a friend who’s son has gone to New Zealand she’s happy for him and he is enjoying life. Look foward to a trip out there with many happy photos it’s their choice be happy for them as they move on to a better life. And yes I have grown up children

Oops - A three year old post ! NM

Your son is making his wife and new family his #1 priority and you should be proud you have raised him to be such a fine young man. (Look how many flakes there are out there ! Not this one) Best wishes to him on this new adventure. Keep the conversation going with him and be supportive of his decision. It must have been difficult for him to break the news to you and you should be happy for him and very excited for the joy this will bring to their family.

You and your DH are sad because you both are only thinking of yourselves. Don't make this harder on him than it already is. There will be no devastating impact on your ability to stay connected with them - that is your imagination running wild.

It hasn't happened to me yet but I know it is only a matter of time before it does and I am sure my world will stop at that moment, like yours has, but love doesn't need to stop at the same time. We will manage. If you weren't so fond of him, you wouldn't cry but if you are not trying to guilt him, please keep the tears to yourself.

It was very kind of you to help them with their housing. Be strong. <hugs>

----------ALERT ZOMBIE THREAD----------

Be aware that OP last posted on this thread almost 3 years ago

Martine4444 - it might be better to start your own thread as there are several GNers with children and grandchildren overseas and could offer helpful comments

I should add, I’m not suggesting it was wrong for you to cry when he told you!

I don’t know if you can recover quickly from the shock. Allow yourselves time to adjust and not be too harsh on yourself?
I think it was ok to be honest and show your son you will miss them but moving forward try to contain your distress in front of him as you said your son felt uncomfortsble when you started crying. You don’t want your distress to make him feel avoidant of you or for him to feel guilty. Find someone now more objective to talk to about this. Your son probably knew you would be upset and he was wondering how to tell you.
They live four hours from you now so I’m thinking you do have friends and a social circle of support of some sort already but I would start to work on developing this alongside your interests.
I think your post is sobering for many of us - we can’t rely on our children always being there for us and there are some things we can’t control and often the unexpected happens.
Try as best as you can to talk to them positively about the move and how they would like you to support them best. Try to put the fact you have given them money out of the equation, you sound like nice well intentioned people and I guess the money was not given with any expectations on your part.
I wish you all all the best. You have a good relationship now which is more than many parents can say about their children and there no reason why this should change.

Hi Philippa60,
I just read your post about your son & DIL moving to Australia, and was very touched by it because I am currently going through a very similar situation. I live in Canada, and my daughter moved to Australia with her Aussie boyfriend. They just announced to me that they are currently looking into buying a house there... Needless to say, I am devastated.

I would love to get in touch with you. Are you still in this terrible situation yourself? Are you getting used to living so far away from your son? I just cannot see the day when I will feel better about the whole thing...

Thank you for reading this. I hope to hear from you soon! Martine

I was that daughter too CrazyH.
I am still grateful for the positivity my parents mustered.

Phillipa60 - your post made me feel so guilty, so sad, and my mind went back to 40+ years, when I said goodbye to my darling Mum at the airport. She was so attached to my 2 children (4 and 2 at the time). The airport was a small one and after boarding the plane, I could see her through the window, on the tarmac, crying. And my little daughter sitting next to me and crying for “Nanna”……ofcourse, we went back to visit a few times and she came over to visit us, but the memory still hurts….my poor mum ❤️ and poor you ❤️- I hope you find the strength but also look forward to nice exciting holidays with your son and family x

Philippa60 your still younger than me.
Of course you feel sad but you should remembered for your smiley face.

Thanks, Mokryna. I am 64 and DH is now 70. Things are calmer now but we both feel very sad.
I guess we will move on to acceptance, but it will take time
P60 (been on Gransnet 4 years!)

It must have been a big shock for you Philippa60 considering you both thought they were buying a house here.
You will have to be brave and put on a smiling face even though you don’t feel like it inside.
My DD and family went out because of SiL’s job. I spent 6 very happy holidays traveling with them on their holidays.
I used to go during the summer holidays here which coincided with the French winter ones there and SiL’s parents went at Christmas.
It was difficult to keep communications going with DGC because they didn’t want to sit in front of a Skype camera, in those days, for weekly chats and games with me but then they didn’t want to do it either with their other GPs. These days you can have good links on other more flexible devices.

Regarding your husband, he spoke like that because he was under shock and was hurt. I am guessing as 60 is in your name you are still both young, Start planning your first trip to keep your minds busy, even Saga do trips there.

The family eventually returned because of his family ties.

I too would recommend ‘pomsinoz’. I’ve been on it for years. There are some very frustrated families as the wait for granting of visas for parents moving to Australia is taking so long. I applied in August 2016 and I have just been asked to provide medical and police checks. If anyone applied today, they’d be likely to have at least a 12 year wait.
Our move now needs considerable thought as during those waiting years our priorities have changed, along with our stamina!

Urmstongran

Wow Goldbeater what a story! So uplifting too.
How are you finding living in Oz itself? Is it so very different?

We were very uncertain about moving initially but when our grandson was born, it changed everything for us and we decided to try for a parents' visa. It was difficult leaving all our friends and family, but the up side was being in Australia knowing we hadn't got to leave. We miss lots of things about N.Wales (castles for one!) but we have been happy to be here for our grandchildren, especially during covid. Anyone even considering the move couldn't do better than going on the website 'pomsinoz' which despite the naff name, is a brilliant source of information and chat about all aspects of moving - there's even a parents' thread.

I can really emphasise with you P60. This situation hasn’t happened to me, but it very nearly did about 14 years ago. I am pretty sure I was going through the range of emotions that you are experiencing now. Whilst wishing to be happy for my DD (an only child) to be emigrating to Australia, I was also thinking that DH and I would hardly ever see her and any future grandchildren we might have. We have to let our children go, when the time is right, but it’s not easy. You’ll be able to visit them in Australia (and have some stopovers in countries you might not have visited otherwise) although obviously you can’t see them as regularly as you might now. As others have said, there’s also Skype etc. All the very best to you, your DH and family. I appreciate how you are feeling. Those mixed emotions can leave us exhausted!

I know how you’re feeling Lucca my son arrived back in Sydney last evening. I’d told his four year old son that I’d really miss him and he drew me a ♥️ …made me even more emotional of course. I showed my very unemotional husband a video I’d taken of him interacting with little Harry and he ended up with tears in his eyes. It’s not easy is it.

It's so hard and heartbreaking when they tell you ? I have a son who emigrated 13yrs ago to be with his Australian girlfriend.
Now they are married and have a son happy and living a lovely life ? What more could I wish for my child but health and happiness.

Every day I miss him but life isn't always how you want it to be.

Lucca

? Lucca this must be so hard.

My DS has been in Australia for 12 years now and until covid we saw each other most years although I don’t like Australia at all (I’m a real European!). You get used to it.
He’s over now with the family. We’re having a great time but saying goodbye is hideous and this time could be the last because of my prognosis so doubly hard for him and me but there is a lot of love between us and the little cousins .. building memories