What happens when one spouse decides to retire without discussion

annsixty

Even if your friend has asked your opinion, keep out of it.
It is their problem not yours.

I'm with you on this annsixty. I think we all have enough on our plates . We can all help one another with Minor issues ok but not this sort of thing!

My Mum's husband did this at the age of 60. He came in from work one day and told her he had retired so was going to Uni. Within the course he had chosen, there was year's placement abroad. To say my mother was furious was an understatement. However, she got a job in a residential position which had a flat and they rented out their house. He did his Uni course, went away for a year and Mum joined him for 6 months of that after leaving her job. They had a ball. Unfortunately, just before he graduated my Mum's husband died. My Mum was actually pleased in the end they had been able to experience a very different life and he hadn't worked up to the end whilst never being able to enjoy retirement (or his pension!)

I've no idea what this has got to do with you, unless you made the whole thing up !!

I must admit I didn’t have a retirement plan, ?? I do what comes naturally! I’m actually amused the fact we are being told 30 mins of watering the plants does she have a stopwatch and 400ml of wine on weekdays and 500 plus on Fridays ! No advice from me! But it’s made my Sunday wonder what she’s consuming today !

Nothing to do with you.

My husband discussed retiring whilst we were on holiday as he was totally fed up with his job. My initial reaction was how we would manage financially without his salary as he was only 62 and wouldn’t be entitled to his SP for another 3 yrs. He had no plan as to how he would occupy himself other than to wake up each day without the pressures of work. 9 yrs later he’s still enjoying retirement and I’ve since left the rat race too. I didn’t have a plan either and retired with less than 3 wks notice (after 42 yrs service) after receiving a very generous offer from my Director. Neither of us have regretted leaving work and tbh I don’t know how I ever had the time to go to work.

Apart from suggesting you steer clear I would say as a psychotherapist that there is definitely something upsetting your friend's wife - this may be her role at work, perhaps it's her health, or maybe the marriage has gone sour but there's a reason for her needing to drink alcohol every day. The drinking is not the problem, rather it's the underlying issue. Perhaps you could just be a friend to your friend and ask him if he thinks she's unhappy with any part of her life and what fears he might have if she stays at home all day. Is it really financial or does he just not want her around while he uses the home as his office? Ask him to examine his feelings and when he has he may be in a better position to discuss his wife's motives with her without any prompting from outside.

As others have said mind your own business if it was me I would divorce them!

Coolguy

Just a bit more info. It seems like his wife's entire family drinks everyday - her father and all her siblings. Also, they are married for nearly 25 years.

Yup, definitely spoof post.

nandad Spot on!

Coolguy

Oops. Sorry. I didn't know this is a women's only forum.

I didn’t say it was but your post does not ring true. It takes you two days to return to your original post, and you seem obsessed with what people are drinking. 400ml is 2 glasses of wine or less than 1 pint of lager, a lot of people are drinking way more than that.
Maybe ‘your friend’s” wife is fed up with him reporting back to his mate and is looking for a way to make him leave.

Oops. Sorry. I didn't know this is a women's only forum.

nandad

Sorry, I think this is a spoof post.
Too much emphasis on drinking. Also, how many men would join a forum called Gransnet to ask a question for a friend?

Totally nandad. What is the matter with people? (rhetorical question)

Sorry, I think this is a spoof post.
Too much emphasis on drinking. Also, how many men would join a forum called Gransnet to ask a question for a friend?

Saying this in a nice way, its their business and yo be honest with you, you have only heard 1 side, obviously there are 2 on this situation. Maybe you are simply getting feedback from others because you are concerned for your friends situation, no one can blame you for that, I have done that myself, but bottom line is, its their problem to sort out.

I have a friend who's other half arrived home from work one evening and stated "that's it, I have finished, I'm not going in tomorrow, I no longer work there". Seemingly, there had been trouble brewing for some time, work colleagues were lodging complaints about her and management were constantly having to raise concerns over her poor performance, attitude to people etc. Naturally, it was 'never her fault'.
Over a period of time it became clear in the relationship that pretty much all of it was her fault and she became impossible to live with. She started treating her husband in thesane way as she treated her work colleagues and she made his life hell.
He soon saw the light, walked out and never looked back.
The point I am trying to make is that we never really know someone and often, when circumstances change, we discover a totally different side to them.
When I was thinking of early retirement. it was discussed at length between the two of us. There was financial matters to consider mainly. We are both retired now, his decision to retire was again discussed between us. We both have individual. hobbies and shared interests.

Coolguy

Just a bit more info. It seems like his wife's entire family drinks everyday - her father and all her siblings. Also, they are married for nearly 25 years.

Wow!!! Now we’ve really got something to work with, the whole family drink. ?

Just a bit more info. It seems like his wife's entire family drinks everyday - her father and all her siblings. Also, they are married for nearly 25 years.

Has there been any further input from the OP?

a couple who are neighbours of mine, both retired at 65, about 6 months later i saw the wife and did the polite thing and asked after her husband, she said we realised we no longer like each other and he has left. i see her now and then and she looks younger and happier as she goes to the bingo or out to lunch with another single neighbour. they had been talking about it for months and both made the decision. i think both parties need to talk, or your friend could end up in a mess money wise. be sympathetic but stay out of it as you are only hearing half of the story.

I don’t think it’s anyone’s business but theirs. Not yours unless it is really your problem posing as a friend’s problem.
It doesn’t sound like a true partnership as they should be discussing major things together.

Do people need to have a "what am i going to do in retirement" plan? Some people are just happy being and after a working life as an 'executive' perhaps just taking some time out to think before setting a rigid plan is just what she needs.
To be fair, I had no plan. I was just looking forward to not setting the alarm and stepping back from the responsibility and stress of working. I did, however, work out whether I could afford it first, and that my retiring early wouldn't put an unreasonable strain on finances for my husband either - that's only fair. I just wonder what stopped the woman in this case from doing the same, as it seems to me the natural thing to do.

I agree ... don't comment ... in the end ... you will be in the wrong if anything does go wrong

eazybee

Advise your husband to talk to his wife, not you.

this made me laugh I often advise mine to do the same when he randomly comes out with a list of of my misdemeanors

I wonder if the friend's wife gets any help with the cooking, cleaning, and plant watering?

If not I'm not surprised she doesn't have any time for hobbies or that she has a glass of wine or two in the evenings.

Do people need to have a "what am i going to do in retirement" plan? Some people are just happy being and after a working life as an 'executive' perhaps just taking some time out to think before setting a rigid plan is just what she needs.