Annoyed But Need Tact

If they are pyracanthas they will need pruning ar some stage anyway unless you want them 20ft high and bushing out everywhere which is not ideal as they are very thorny. I cut mine back a couple of months ago and it has already put on at least 4ft. My neighbour rebuilt cuts his right back twice a year. If anything your ds needs to cut it back further.

Show him what you typed here. I find if I have an issue I do write to my children and it seems to work for us. Honesty is the best for your relationship?

If they are your tools, hide them.

If they are his tools, laugh and say, oh no, my poor shrubs have been pruned enough, and confiscate them.

It is such good advice to say nothing about something that cannot be rectified, feel grateful for the work that has been done for you, and find a way to have a tactful and kind conversation about the general issue at another time. However I never do this myself in relation to my own husband. So I should also take this advice. Also I am so sorry about your plants. You obviously love them and it is hard on you. Hopefully they have shown themselves tough and will survive. This is life. We cannot always take difficulty away from those we love.

I think you are very blessed to have a 60 year old son who helps you a lot around the house and garden. Do you think he exists to serve you? Did you specify exactly what you would prefer for each plant? No, you let him do it without interruption so that you could be unhappy. You are being unbelievable. What do you do for him?

your firethorn's will be fine, I had one cut down by a handyman for access and it was full of blooms and berries the next year. It did it a power of good.

If your son was doing you a favour, then shut up. He doesn't have to help. If you are not happy pay a professional gardener to weed your garden and trim shrubs. Then feel free to complain if he doesn't do it the way you want.

You know how he’s going to do it - either let him get on with it or hire a gardener. But you have an overgrown (albeit deliberately) garden that you can’t manage yourself and it won’t take much to have it completely out of control. Accept that things have changed and that it’s no longer practical to have your garden the way you want.

My nearly sixty son is the same. Anything that looks slightly. sad is cut down to ground level. That includes my lovely lupins and two ornamental trees. I was upset to say the least, but decided best to not make an issue of it. Mainly because, what is done is done.

Your relationship with your son is far more important than any tree or shrub, Caleo

I know how you feel when you get 'help' which distresses you. There is no point in getting him to carry on cutting things for you as it distresses you, and you're on tenterhooks as to what he'll destroy next. You need to hire someone who will not cause you distress. Try it and see how YOU feel. Your son will be fine.

Callistemon I have this engraved on my heart believe me.

"Your relationship with your son is far more important than any tree or shrub, Caleo".

Thanks so much you have improved my life . You have broadened my perspective and that is what I needed.

Thanks also to everyone else whose contributions have been along the same lines.

PS as a practical measure I'll put the secateurs in my knicker drawer.

My mum used to prune things to within an inch of their lives! Everything came back beautifully the next year!

it's probably more efficient in terms of his time and labour expended to cut back most everything while he is there.
i would do the same.
the option is to pay for a professional gardener.
didn't you make the same complaint last year ?

My garden is mainly shrubs and because it is difficult to find real gardeners have always had a problem since I had to give up gardening myself seven years ago. Latest so called gardener just attacked all the shrubs with a hedge trimmer so they are all round shapes. I can no longer get out into the garden unless someone tales me in the wheelchair.

Why would your son be so upset because you point out his error? He's your son just tell him he got it wrong and not to prune the shrubs again as you like the 'natural' look. Pyracanthas are tough old plants, they'll recover. We had a large one in our last garden unfortunately right next to the garage door, so for safetys sake DH clipped it back regularly. It seemed to like the attention and was smothered in berries every year.

I like to let our garden grow a bit wild (don't really like 'controlled' plants), but in the autumn and spring I prune and clip with fervour, especially the roses which then grow with renewed vigour and make a wonderful display.

Caleo

PS as a practical measure I'll put the secateurs in my knicker drawer.

Lol!

Shout and scream, and don't give him any pudding. Or be very brave, but obviously close to tears.

Seriously. Unless he realises the gravity of what he's done, he'll just do it again.

Caleo

PS as a practical measure I'll put the secateurs in my knicker drawer.

???

I thought our weigelia was dying but, if it wasn't, DD just finished it off with a good pruning the other day. It's looking worse still but maybe I'll leave it until spring.

Can't help thinking you either need to put up with him not following your instructions, or else pay someone to do it.

As your son hates to be micromanaged how about taking him out frequent cups of tea or glasses of water so that you have a good excuse to be around what he’s doing?
Good luck

Bijou

My garden is mainly shrubs and because it is difficult to find real gardeners have always had a problem since I had to give up gardening myself seven years ago. Latest so called gardener just attacked all the shrubs with a hedge trimmer so they are all round shapes. I can no longer get out into the garden unless someone tales me in the wheelchair.

I also have mainly shrubs in my garden, they are pretty much all that will grow due to the shade of tall hedges and trees ( not mine), poor quality, dry soil underneath hedge and a boggy area in one corner! When I bought the house all the bushes were lovely looking, a straight trunk with a rounded top ( think lollipops!) but I’ve struggled to get them cut the same way since.

Initially I was able to do the pruning although I wasn’t very good but now I pay someone and they tend to ignore my instructions and do what they want! So now, some bushes are very bushy with low branches, others have grown into the hedge with no defined shape. However, I’m just grateful that I can pay someone to help me in the garden as I certainly can’t do much myself anymore.

Next year I’m going to find someone to do the pruning, weeding and digging on a weekly basis rather than just have the lawns cut fortnightly.

Great idea I did this with my blackcurrant bushes to avoid chopping the new growth and2 yr branches in error! I think this is easiest way, maybe