Not Part of My Family

allsorts I really empathise with your situation. I'm a widow of 5 years with a busy life with many hobbies and friends.

I just came off the phone last night after a heated discussion with my daughter. She had arranged a couple of months ago that I have the gc staying with me for a couple of days while they attend a wedding.

Because the in-laws at the last minute came over from Canada for the summer, she told me that they are now looking after them and seeing them nearly every day fir the 6 weeks they are here

I told her I was hurt and disappointed, as I was so looking forward to having my gc stay at my bolthole by the sea.

There was much sharing of how we disappointed we were with eachother for various reasons. She also couldn't remember when I was there for her for weeks cooking etc after the birth of the first gc. I probably said too much, as there was alot if resentment I'd built up.

The suggestions that we lead busy lives and acquire lots of friends is a given, and many of us who are on our own do that.

But I believe we don't expect enough of our loved ones. They should be concerned at our well being. My dd rarely contacts me, unless she wants me to babysit. I have to invite myself over to see the gc, rarely an invitation.

You are perfectly entitled to feel hurt and short changed at your time of life.

❤️

Oh dear LinFreed that's not good is it. Making arrangements with you to look after the GC and then changing her mind. Of course, the other GP's living in Canada will want to spend as much time with the children as they can, but a 6 week visit gives them ample opportunity to do so.

It's difficult to know sometimes if we've said too much but as both of you did plenty of sharing, I hope that isn't the case, and you and she will feel relieved to have spoken about things that you've kept bottled up.

Lindred

Arrangements can change anytime for any circumstances.
Sometimes they work on your favour, sometimes against you.

The key here is how we deal with them, so it doesn't hinder our chances in the future

Linfreed sorry

I agree with Hithere

Other grandparents live abroad, you will have so many more opportunities Linfreed

I think you need to resolve what has been said between you and daughter and apologise as soon as possible or this will damage your relationship

LinFreed, you said ‘But I believe we don't expect enough of our loved ones.’

That’s the root of your problem, I think. You seem to think that in exchange for your love, they have to deliver the things you want. That’s not love, it’s commerce.

violetsky My daughter has already reached out and communicated in her own way. Things had to be said and she knows she's been less than loving recently.

Her husband keeps telling me how cold she is, but I don't respond, as it's an issue between them.

I haven't been a perfect mother...who is?...but I've always been there and not made any demands. This is the first time I've said anything and I hope it's cleared the air.

She knows perfectly well she needs to step up, both with me and her DH. He gives her everything.. housekeeper, big house, she doesn't work even though the kids are at FT school. Enough!

It’s a sad that LinFreeds troubled relationship with her daughter has taken over lovely Allsorts gentle thread.

Just want to point out that the last few posts don’t belong to the OP. It reads a bit as if they do if you’re just skimming.

What is enough Linfreed?

What does cold mean?

In what ways is she not being loving?

Why does her husband feel it is acceptable to say that to you and what does he say to her if he is happy to say that to her mother?

I'm not sure her not working is relevant, nor is having a housekeeper.

What matters is her happiness.

What seems relevant to me is that what others might call cold, I would call emotionally shut down and given that her husband and mother are not happy with her, it sounds like she needs help from a professional

Linfreed

The relationship and arrangements between her husband and your daughter is between them - if they have a problem, they will solve it

That's none of your business

hithere I don't think you read my post properly. Of course it's not my business.

LinFreed - there's nothing wrong with expressing how you feel. Some ACs need it, some of the time. As do some older parents - no one's perfect.

Hopefully, your exchange of views, with your daughter, will have cleared the air between you, and you can both move on, with more understanding, which is much healthier than seething silence.

But, your SIL should keep any marriage issues he has between them - it never works when others get involved in relationship issues.

Good luck. ?