A direct cremation, which is what we had for my husband, doesn't mean you can't have some sort of ceremony. You can choose a date and a venue for this that suits everyone, and you don't have to drive to the crem and then back in the cars for the follow-up.
We hired the village hall and had my husband's ashes displayed (in a mini beer keg!) along with a nice photo of him and a display of some of his possessions and things he used in his hobbies etc. We held a ceremony very similar to a funeral, then we put on some lighter music, moved the furniture around and served drinks and food. I think he would have loved what we did and thoroughly approved.
But to return to the original question: you are talking about two different situations. One of you, to put it bluntly, will die first, and the bereaved spouse may have preferences as to what form the funeral should take. By the time the second one of a couple dies, there is no spouse to consider (unless of course there's a remarriage, in which case all bets are off!) and it's really about agreeing something with your children as to what they and you would find appropriate.
I don't think the dying/dead person should have the final say on this. It's easy to say, "Oh I don't want a funeral!", because you won't be there anyway. If it means a lot to your family to hold a ceremony to remember and celebrate you and say their last farewells, then that should be up to them - they are the ones who will have to work through their grief and come to terms with their loss. Don't try to deny them that just because you won't need it yourself.