Rejected at a stressful time

Please go to therapy and find your worth as a person, not what others want you to do for them

You dodged a bullet on not getting married.

Instead, your ex wants you to be his carer - even a worse deal than the marriage.
You know you dont have to do that right?

He has time to arrange end of life care right now, please do not let him use you

I'm baffled as to why, after all these years apart, you'd want to be his carer with absolutely no benefit to you whatsoever. Let him pay for professional carers to come in and look after him; sounds like he can afford it. As for youngest daughter; I'd be giving her a wide berth from now on.

Why did you divorce him?

Dis engage from close emotional involvement with your children and Ex.

Decide what life you want, you could have 20 years to live it and act accordingly. When you have decided what you want from life and know how to do it. Tell your family what you are going to do and then do it, regardless of what they say. Do not argue with them, or try to win their approval or convince them of the rightness of it. Just say 'I have decided to do the following' list it then do it, ignoring criticism, anger and emotional blackmail. It will be a roller coaster at first, but stick to it and at the end of it, you wll be happier, your life will be happier and your children will get used to it.

And I'm baffled that you both thought you needed to consult your offspring. If you both want to do it then do it. Your kids don't own you.

You are at the mercy of five very selfish people, and you need to keep your distance from them all for the present.

Do not get conned into nursing your ex-husband; he has shown by his reaction to his children's response how little he cares for your feelings; they, it seems, are only concerned about their inheritance.

Say as little as possible to your children other than that they have hurt you badly. Get angry. You have been treated shockingly.

Tell the ex to sod off and sort out care elsewhere, as a first step. You’re not beholden to him.

You are treated like this due to lack of personal boundaries- it is hard to set them in abusive relationships

Tell your ex to look for another carer now, you won't be taken advantage of anymore

Get counselling that will enable you to stand up for yourself and put your needs first for once.

You are under no obligation whatsoever to provide nursing care to your ex.

You cannot trade yourself intended self-sacrifice for their respect and affection. Take care of yourself not them.

I got lost a bit by the wording

Did he ask you to remarry or you ask him?

Other than that, I would stay well away. I don't understand why you would put yourself through it. You are divorced and this is your life to live

"I am a trained nurse and I wanted to be supportive." What a dismal rationalisation of your neediness.

You must learn to respect yourself so you should see a psychotherapist maybe get some CBT.

I agree you are under no obligation to nurse your ex. It does seem that your children are already counting their inheritance and your plans to remarry were seen as a threat, even though it was not the case. You've done your best for the children, they are adults now and you are free to get on with your life. This does not include being an unpaid carer. I would tell your ex thanks but no thanks. Your children can sort things out. Do something nice for yourself. You do deserve it.

I agree but he wanted to

In your OP you say: he says that at the end he will need me there to nurse him as the children are too busy. But when I said this I was told to butt out. So he's made it clear; he wants you there to act as his nurse/carer, not because he's in love with you and wants to spend what time he has left with you, but because he wants a carer to look after him for free. Your children can arrange for paid carers to come in, or do it themselves; too bad if they're all leading busy lives, they should have thought of that before telling you to butt out. Please walk away Chicken, you deserve a great deal more than you're being offered.

He asked me. I see everyone thinks I should just walk away but he’s dying!!! And my children would never speak to me again. At my age I don’t have much left

OP

Have you ever told no to anyone? I dont think so

Anybody can ask for anything, it doesnt mean you have to comply

Him being sick is not your fault nor your responsibility

Stage 4 doesnt mean automatically death bed

Please run to therapy to get a new perspective in life and for you to decide what is best for you

Stop posting here and start looking for a therapist to make an appointment on Monday

Recently he asked him to remarry him and pointed out the financial advantages etc. These are true but to be honest at this moment in time I also thought it would be a good idea to have a reconciliation.

Do you still have a love for him?
Do you want to do what he's asking for your own peace of mind and for a sense of closure?
Do what sits right with you and don't worry about anyone else's opinion.
At the end of the day you can walk away with a clear conscience.

He should be sticking up for you, to the adult offspring.
He is not doing that which shows he has no care for you.
Distance yourself from all of them, they are being nasty.

If you will feel better as a carer that would be point in favour of your marrying your ex.

Another point in favour is you would have his widows pension which if he did not remarry would be disused. Make sure there is a widow's pension.

The Widows Pension has been replaced by Bereavement Support Payment. You are not eligible for it if you are over State Pension Age.

If he has a private pension then his wife may be entitled to some of this pension when he dies, how much depends on the terms and conditions of the pension. In our case we both have private pensions and our spouse is entitled to half the monthly payments on death of the other. You say he is a nurse so if he is not yet retired there will be a death in service payment which if you were married you would be entitled to when he dies.

You don't need to marry someone to be financially better off. He could have left something in his will for you whether married or not. I think you are being manipulated. Take no shit from the kids either. You are important too. Now put yourself first and marry a man that loves you. It's dreadful when our kids are cruel. I'd tell my daughter to get in and care for her father seems she's had a lot to say on the subject that goes for his sons too. Our families can become so self centred à we put them before ourselves for decades. It's time to be selfish. To do something for you. Don't let them drag you down. I agree with others talking therapies will help you.