Struggle to feel accepted

Thanks very much for all your kind words and for sharing your own experiences. I feel so much better. I'll probably keep going for a while as I love the activity. The long coffee break is the hardest bit. I'm trying a different new activity next week as all my activities closed since Covid. Various reasons, volunteers ageing, moving away and friends who died. Working on starting again.

Keep persevering - it takes a while to find your tribe.
Hope you find yours soon.

Sounds wonderful Katerina1, I’m glad

It's kind of like racism without the race in a way. "We're all here and we know each other so you can just clear off" attitude

Years ago, as a young mum, I started taking my child to a local toddler group. It was for his benefit mainly but I'd also hoped to find some friendly faces too. Most of my old friends were from my school days or through work and didn't live local to me so, naturally, I didn't have much of a social life.

I was young and quite shy so I found the sessions really hard going. Most of the mums there lived near each other on a new housing estate. I was fortunate enough to have married the son of a builder and together we built a nice home on the outskirts of town and my near neighbours were lovely but well into their 50s and 70s.
I persevered with the toddler club for several months though it was awful, especially when the leader of the group came up to me and asked me why I wasn't mixing with the other mums!
I had tried honestly!

A fund raising jumble sale was organised and I said I had some stuff to donate but as I didn't have a car, somebody needed to collect from my house.
When she came to pick up the boxes, the group leader stood on the step and said,
"I never realised you lived in this posh house."
This was funny as we were completely broke at the time.
Word must have got out as when I next attended toddler club, several other mums made a bee line for me.
I found it very interesting.
I stopped going in the end.

It's like it everywhere almost, people seem to resent a newcomer. The local WI used to sc and handbags on whole rows of seats, any newcomer didn't stay long. I complained yo the committee that they shouldn't.I went with a couple of friends and got together in the break but sat on arrival where there was a seat. I left, after 15 years, even the committee never changed just shuffled positions. Try other groups, church halls, local library and I'm sure you will find friendlier people, but it must be disheartening, but it really is not you, it's them and their insecurities.

Katerina - I have sent a PM to your Inbox. Hope it helps you.

I’m recently retired and looking to join a group or activity . Sadly This post and thread doesn’t fill me with confidence. It has however given me some tools to work with . I love the humour one , Blackpool over Thailand ? Hilarious 😆

kircubbin2000

I joined a u3a art group and as soon as the teacher introduced me the 2 ladies beside me got very interested. You were married to J(My ex) and you go to x activity with T don't you? I found this nosiness very intrusive and embarrassing and didn't go back.

I am sorry but that just seemed friendly to me

It's sheer bad manners to make any person feel excluded in any public situation. That group is badly run.

If people want to keep to their cliques they should get a private room or go to each others' homes by invitation only.

As for Tai Chi, it is hard work to learn the forms and it's not for people who simply want to be sociable. I did Tai Chi for many years and began as a complete beginner. People really should not think of a Tai Chi class as a social gathering.

Katerina, I went to an art group, and I found the tea break hard going and always tried to avoid going into the kitchen where the tea break happened. I liked the activity but the other people at tea break were not much fun.

Sadly, I find this happens to many a group. In one such I go to there'll be a conversation at one end of the table which only a select few can hear. I don't think it's necessarily done on purpose, but I think it's a bit inconsiderate. It's especially difficult for those of us with hearing difficulties. I can only hear one conversation at a time.

Groups change over time as well. Ours has changed into a teaching session which really isn't for me, and I feel less inclined to go each week. I don't know what the answer is OP, but I feel for you. It's unpleasant to feel left out. Could you perhaps start up a smaller group at your home instead?