Was your husband 'badly brought up'?

My ex never had to do anything in the house, when I first went to Sunday lunch at his house and suggested afterwards that we did the washing up his mum wouldn’t let him, it was the job of the females in the house. Mr B, husband no 2 is the exact opposite, irons, puts the washing on, brings it in, anything that he thinks needs doing he just gets on with it. I brought my son up as a single mum to iron his own clothe, clean his own room and take part in all that needed doing.

Mine was brought up in an affluent, ‘traditional’ household, with a mother who was a lady that lunched, and household staff.

To be fair, he was willing to share things equally, but genuinely didn’t have a clue what that meant in practice. It took a while, but we are fairly equal now. I do more gardening, he does more DIY, he cooks more, I do more household admin, but it all balances out.

My DH was brought up by a "Queen Bee" mother luckily he saw right through her and how badly she treated his very kind and giving father who died very young.
When we first married he soon learned I had been brought up in a very different household and was not going to tolerate the male equivalent of queen bee.
He is always willing to help. Couldn't ask for better most of the time.

RichmondPark my husband has a similar background to yours, and I feel exactly the same way as you.
He was one of thirteen, and his mom had a very hard time, especially after the war.
He also had an awful time at school. He was the best at maths in his year, but his face didn’t fit, so the teachers ignored his ability.
He was also a talented cricketer, but they wouldn’t let him on the team as his mom couldn’t afford the kit.
He’s much older than I am, so I expect him to have old school attitudes to stuff, but he is actually very liberal for a working class chap of his era.
I adore him, and it makes really sad to think of his childhood.

Well I'm pleased for all those of you who have such wonderful husbands.
My post was intended as a tongue in cheek ponder about the inbred sense of entitlement that some male offspring used to be taught. It amused me to see the shocked expression on DH's face when he was first expected to take out the rubbish and perform such menial tasks around the house. And I marvelled that he had such a true sense of his own importance. It wasn't meant to be a whinge.
I wondered if there were many such men left.
Not many it seems.
But as one poster has already suggested - why not start your own thread where you can praise your well-trained husbands to the skies and back?
I'm not grumbling (as he's turned out OK after 'training)

I didn’t think for a moment that you were grumbling, ExDancer, just commenting on how some mothers thought

No definitely not. His father didn’t fit the mould either - I doubt his mother would have stood for it and with eight children in the family she needed all the help she could get! My father, on the other hand, was definitely old school and never lifted a finger. He worked very hard and didn’t expect to do anything but sit down and be fed and watered when he came home.
DH was a career soldier and used to looking after himself, and did more than his fair share around the house and garden from the time we got married right up to the end. Oh how I am missing that now! I have a photo of him doing the washing up, pinned on the fridge!?

Sorry, pressed too soon! … how some mothers thought menfolk should be treated, doing everything themselves whilst husbands and sons sat back, and how the men consequently thought that was the natural order of things.

greyD I like that.

Of course we should also turn this around and think of how many of the traditional male jobs do we do or do we leave it all up to them.

Sorry ExD
I didn’t realise understand the criteria for replies
I hope that you get some more that are to your liking
You sound quite upset

I was going to post about Mr. B but I’m glad I read the full thread first. My post wouldn’t have met ExD’s strict criteria. It’s a minefield trying not to upset people.

Opps yes I never read the criteria so my posts will not be appreciated. I did not train my husband he came that way.

My DH is very helpful and does most of the housework but never ventures near a cooker. Why? His Scottish mother did not allow men in her kitchen! The first time I visited I offered to wash up and called DH ( we were then unmarried) to help and she was amazed that I should suggest him crossing the threshold! I suppose the kitchen was the only place where she was in charge and she was not going to relinquish that! Mind you she was a dreadful maker of meals, mostly tatties and mince but could bake wonderful cakes.

We've always had a traditional marriage ,it suits us well.I like things done my way in the kitchen or with housework .I'm a bit OCD even with how the beds are made .
OH is brilliant at DIY ,and decorating etc.Has been known to shampoo carpets at midnight or paint a room if he cant sleep.He also volunteers to do gardens and decorate for elderly or disabled folk who cant manage .
We both worked but he did longer hours and was on call when our nightshift staff had any problems .
I really dont think how we live our lives has anything to do with anyone else ,if we're happy with it thats all that counts,

Like a previous poster I have a DIL who is a SAHM with one child, she does no housework she "cant cook" .My son works long hours often driving for 3 hours after a shift and then has to load the washing m/c and make the dinner.
I say nothing ,but I really think thats a ridiculous way to behave and she needs to up her game .Surely when you love someone you want their life to be easier instead of piling on the stuff you dont want to do .Or am I just old fashioned ?

Blimey. Is she depressed Paddyann? That can completely rob you of motivation to do anything.

Gosh, that does sound awful Paddyann

Sorry to say but I think his behaviour is down to you not his upbringing, after 60 years bad behaviour should have changed. You say he helps with the usual things, it is not a case of helping you it is his home and responsibility.

Reminds me of when a man says he is babysitting when he is staying in with his own children.

About 20 years ago I worked with a lady whose husband was in the navy. She said when he came home the first thing he did was run his fingers over the surfaces! Our boss had lived with her husband for some years before they got married. The first time he came home from work after the wedding he complained that dinner wasn't ready. He said that now they were married he expected his wife to have a meal on the table as soon as he walked through the door! She said she threw his dinner at him and he never tried that line again.

My husband did very little round the house, but he did do all the car maintenance, DIY, and heavy lifting. I didn't complain much because I knew I couldn't compete when it came to building, ladder climbing, car servicing and all the other stuff he did.

‘Can’t cook’ usually means ‘can’t be arsed’ in my experience, paddyann54. I’m usually tempted to ask whether such a person is unable to read, since anyone of normal intelligence can surely learn by following simple recipes - if they want to.

My dh doesn’t cook, never really has since we’ve been married, but that’s because for so long he was working such long hours, much longer than I ever did.

However it suits me fine. Besides sundry other ‘his’ jobs - and he’s very good at DIY - he invariably clears up the kitchen after me, loads the dishwasher, and unloads it in the morning.

My Ex-husband’s Mother died when he was about 5 years old. His father re-married a woman, who made no effort to get along with her stepson. Instead, he was sent away to boarding school, and was given the best of everything, which resulted in him developing a materialistic attitude to life. Best clothes, latest toys etc etc. School holidays were spent with his maternal Uncle and family, who did their best for him. But it wasn’t enough to make up for parental love.
We met in University. He was handsome. I was pretty. We fell in love (whatever love means). We were polar opposites. We wanted different things out of the marriage. We stuck it out for 25 years, and have 3 lovely AC. He has remarried. I’m single.
So perhaps he was spoilt ? Or was he deprived? (Emotionally). I often feel sad when I think of his life. Should I have been more understanding? Well…….

Germanshepherdsmum

Sorry, pressed too soon! … how some mothers thought menfolk should be treated, doing everything themselves whilst husbands and sons sat back, and how the men consequently thought that was the natural order of things.

My mother thought that way until my Dad took ill and then she literally couldn't do everything herself including running the business. I talked to my Dad and encouraged him to do what he could and he eventually mastered cooking so at least he could feed my mother when she came in from running the business. She really did spoil him rotten!

I brought up our own son to do everything (within reason and age capabilities) for himself and my DIL loves me for it. DD, however, was a law unto herself and would not conform to my efforts for love nor money.

Mr Yogitree is great in the house and helps without prompting.

I must say, my son has made an excellent husband. He’s a better cook than I am and good at cleaning. He is, thankfully, not his father’s son.

My father in law was pretty old school, they were farmers and lines were firmly drawn, her in the house, him on the land.

But he was a good man, I liked him immensely. He was constantly amused to watch his boy doing ‘Woman’s work’ and I think he enjoyed his first taste of womens liberation with me and my daughters

Not that it changed him, till his dying day he was bossing my mother in law around.

What an interesting thread!