Driving- does it affect your relationship?

We have a car each; mine's a small manual runabout and DH's is a larger automatic. We can both drive both cars and we just take whichever one is suitable for the journey we're going on and the person who feels like driving, does.

We only fall out over the satnav; I don't like it and prefer to read maps and the road ahead, DH swears by it even though it's been somewhat erratic in computing the best routes for us!

My bloke has a nicer car than me, and likes to drive it. But I hate being in the car with him now. He overtakes when it isn't safe, drives too fast, brakes too late, is frequently in the wrong lane or drifts over the line between lanes.

I'd like to say it's due to his age, but he was equally bad when he was younger, crashing every car he owned.

My poor husband, he has such a great responsibility as he is the only driver on the road who knows the correct way to drive.

My husband used to tell me where to turn, a stop in 50 meters, watch out for car in 200 meters....

I told him I can drive thank you very much and his not so helpful observations make me distracted from driving

He dropped it

At the same time, he drives more aggressively than I do and does not leave enough distance with nearby cars

He thought it was just my perception till other people pointed it out to him - he is more careful now

I admit it is hard to be a passenger when you can drive too

Life is so hard for such perfect drivers notgran

I hate driving my husband and for many years I flatly refused to because of his incessant carrying on.
He then became a driving instructor and it was even worse!
A year ago he had to stop driving for health problems, I have only driven him a handful of times and it’s been ok but only because I made it very clear that if he started on me then I would stop the car and he could walk home (it’s working at the moment!)
He’s reapplying for his license at the moment and I dread him driving because like previous posts, he drives more forcefully than I do, brakes late etc- my foot is frequently almost going through the footwell!
I frantically knit socks on long journeys to distract myself!
I don’t know how it will go, I’m not a keen driver although I’m enjoying it more now I have a decent car. I would love to go to Scotland and Northumberland again but can’t face driving those distances; he wouldn’t bat an eyelid at doing it.
I know compromise is the answer……?

I do all the driving as Dh doesn`t drive,which suits me down to the ground.
He never comments on my driving as i will press the ejector seat button i have told him about.

Norah

I'm a less confident driver on the A1 or M11, can do, don't prefer.

I accept that and drive locally. My husband is an excellent driver, albeit a bit aggressive - I read a book and ignore.

This is me. My husband likes to drive and I like to be a passenger so it works well for both of us. It is nothing to do with control or patriarchy or being old fashioned. It is simply that we have different skills and strengths and it is best to work with it. I do drive locally and it is a good skill to have. When he had his cataract operations, it meant that l was able to take him. It would have been more difficult otherwise.

I am a much calmer, patient driver and I find he is mouthy and aggressive and yes it causes conflict

he also has to drive us on holiday as I am not fast enough apparently. It would be much nicer if no pressure was put on any of us and we had breaks etc and no shouting.

Ohhhhh drives me mad ( oooops, excuse the pun) my husband is a HGV mechanic and is finely tuned to a vehicles noise/movement/blah, blah. He will divert the route to avoid potholes etc ( annoys me )

So picture the scene, I'm driving, Mr S is sat in passenger seat, off we go, small talk taking place, then suddenly MIND THAT POTHOLE I swiftly check my mirror for any vehicle behind me and oooooòps TOOO LATE .... ive driven over the pothole.

Soooooo considering that scenario has taken place 1 too many times, when Mr S is in the car I now resemble someone who has guzzled a BARREL if beer and 20,00000 times over alcohol limit ( the breathalyser would blow up hahahaha ) the car is steered allllllll over the damn road with all intents and purposes of avoiding potholes, he is thrown left and right in the passenger seat and once the car is stationary, he exits the car rather unsteadily....

Well !!!!! He did say MIND THE POTHOLE/S

How about getting your husband to take an advanced driving course, offered by IAM or RoSPA. These courses encourage safer driving and are taken by all sorts of people, from airline pilots and military men who want to be 'the best drivers they can be' to young women travelling for work and grandmothers wanting to drive their families safely. Excellent courses that help people change their driving habits for the better.

I didn't take my test until in my late 30's, and as a result I have never been a confident driver, not improved by my DH's suggestions/comments on my driving when he is a passenger! Since moving a year ago, I have been glad to give up driving apart from local journeys, and I am quite frankly terrified of having to drive into our nearest big town with its multitude of roundabouts, lanes and unfamiliar lay-out. This makes me dependent on my "chauffeur" and vulnerable to life changes in the future (I'm 74 now), but I don't know how to overcome my real anxiety about driving on these busy roads.

I passed my driving test first time when I was just 17 and I have had access to a car since then, so I've had a licence for 50 years. I bought my first car with my own money and have had a car for decades.

The only thing my partner and I have seriously argued about was when we were discussing arrangements for when I go to live with him and he suggested we just have one car. No way! Having my own car is an important form of independence to me. I've been saving for two years for a new one and I intend to save for another two years to replace my current car when it conks out, so I'm not asking for a hand out.

I rarely drive when my husband is in the car with me. I don’t like the white knuckles and intakes of breath! Seriously though, he likes driving, I don’t and only use it as a means to an end. I have my own little Corolla which I like to drive, can’t stand his big thing which is hard to park anyway. We never argue about it, he knows I don’t like driving and that’s that.

nadateturbe

I started a similar thread some time ago about how I'm a nervous passenger and my OH won't take this into consideration. I didn't get much sympathy.
In my opinion even if the driver is skilful, they need to consider what the other person needs, within reason of course. It's what you do if you care about someone.
My OH didn't like me driving in the outside lane of the dual carriageway, so I don't. But he does.
I do most of the driving now. I've no intention of letting him drive me if he isn't going to be considerate.
When we do the long journey to the caravan we drive in separate cars.

I suppose the answer to your question is a definite yes!

I very much agree with you here nadateturbe. In those situations, when doing so results in no skin off your back, the desires of your other half should be taken into account and accommodated. It's the little things that matter in a big way, like your remembering that your partner is uncomfortable with you driving in the outside lane. I wish more people realized this.

When I’m driving, DH is fine until we enter a car park. He seems to be suddenly convinced I have turned temporarily blind and starts saying things like “there’s one over there on the left”, or “He’s just coming out of that space on the right” or “There are quite a few down there”. Even “You could pull over into this one” (pointing!) OR that one there” (pointing again!). It’s most distracting. I swear he will cause me to have an accident one day! I know he’s only trying to be helpful, and I’ve told him to leave me to choose my own parking space, but he seems unable to stop!

DH loved driving and I preferred to be a passenger but we shared the driving and drove all over Europe on our camping holidays with tent and children. I was the better driver!! he forgot to change gear
I was a backseat driver. He was the map reader so I had to drive when the going got tricky
I have driven around Paris, Rome and London long before GPS.
Now on my own, with cataracts forming I don't drive nearly so much and lent my car to my DS for 2 months recently and didn't miss it.
I can't believe cars are still the male perogative, and wince when I remember the words of a woman who had accepted a lift saying " does your husband let you drive the car?" This was 40 years ago.

DH used to comment on my driving occasionally but since I became qualified in blue light driving and drive an ambulance/response car for work he is noticeably silent on the subject. We share driving on long journeys, and I am confident driving in unfamiliar surroundings, when you've done a few blue light transfers to London relying on sat nav it becomes easier.
I do hate driving DH's car, it is a very old and clunky Volvo estate, and I prefer my nippy, responsive fiesta. We normally take mine on long journeys as it's cheaper with good fuel consumption.

Thanks Withoutroots. Nicely put, "no skin off your back" so why wouldn't you?

I was told by my driving instructor nearly 60 years ago that a good driver was one whose passengers felt completely safe .

An American truck driver who had won an award for his great driving was asked how he had never had an accident.

"I drive like everyone else on the road is crazy!"

I have been a passenger in cars where I think the driver is too fast and doesn’t anticipate, relying on reactions, braking too
late.

I’ve also been a passenger in cars where the driver is nervous and hesitant, slows down when there is oncoming traffic, brakes when approaching slip roads, even stops on a roundabout if they think another car is coming on to it?

I’ve also been a driver where my passenger has almost caused accidents by constant jumpiness. I don’t agree that a good driver is always one where the passenger feels safe. Some passengers would need you to drive in the way I’ve outlined above. Their own bad driving, in fact.

Difficult to tell, unless you can actually see the driving, who is the poor driver.

Not in the sense you mean, though I do occasionally feel that dh is too close to the car in front - usually at speed on motorways - and do sometimes say so. But he will then pull back a bit.

Where he does annoy me, is when he virtually always takes my (smaller, easier to park) car for very short trips into town, when we have a fantastic, free bus service.

It’s not that I mind the taking of it, it’s the principle. Particularly after the other night, when we were watching yet another documentary largely about global warming, and I said couldn’t we watch something else, it was so depressing.

He had the gall to say I ought to watch it - it was important! Cue a flare up from me - ‘You can talk! Why do you take my car every single time you go into town (twice just the other day) when you could so easily get the bus?’ As I nearly always do - only exceptions are the rare occasions now, when I know I’m going to have a lot of heavy shopping.

Lathyrus it depends on your definition of "good".

Always have had my own car. And yes, he always has had the 'better' car, for all sorts of (probably good) reasons. And we both drive on holiday, but the truth is I only do about 1/3rd.

We both have the occasional remarks- but very rarely. He is a very good driver, and ... so am I very lucky.