Gransnet forums


Completely different things wanted from retirement.

(69 Posts)
Fizzlywizzly Tue 04-Oct-22 10:11:06

To fund our retirement we need to downsize.

We disagree on every single thing. Where to live, what sort of house, whether it has a garden, he wants a garage to fund his expensive hobby, l don’t.

I want to release as much money as possible to go on lots of holidays. He wants to release less to fund his hobby. Which I’d kind of be paying for iyswim. And I’m not sure l should be.

If we split up we won’t be able to afford to do anything, but we cannot resolve the problem.

Fizzlywizzly Tue 04-Oct-22 10:52:18


rosie1959 Tue 04-Oct-22 11:04:22

You are going to have to compromise. Not sure if I understand how releasing less capital will give him more money to fund his hobby
Having a garage or not does not affect house prices where I live but depends what sort of garage or how big.

Harris27 Tue 04-Oct-22 11:11:02

Seems you both want different things in retirement. Have you really thought how you both will be together or apart? Big steps at your age.

Casdon Tue 04-Oct-22 11:11:13

I don’t think it’s reasonable to not want a garage which will become his space, or to expect your husband to give up a hobby to enable you to go on more holidays. If his hobby is expensive, agree an annual budget he can spend on it from your retirement income, or encourage him to get a little job on the side to pay for it. You will no doubt find your own ways of spending your time, and need money to do it away from him - hobbies are so important in retirement.

Fizzlywizzly Tue 04-Oct-22 11:16:50

We live in an area of very high prices where garages are few and far between. Even moving a bit further we are up against the same thing.

I agree he needs his hobby, but a garage adds about 70k to a house price. This would release much less capital.

Also he wants to move to the country and l want to stay in the suburbs. I’ve got lots of quite bad mental health issues and have a lovely doctor and support worker at the local surgery. I’m really nervous about leaving them. I checked on the NHS website and you can register with any doctor, but when l asked the surgery, they said due to huge numbers of patients they weren’t allowing this at the time.

Fizzlywizzly Tue 04-Oct-22 11:17:58

I’d always imagined moving to a slightly cheaper area nearby, and he was horrified when l talked about this. It’s absolutely not what he wants.

Hithere Tue 04-Oct-22 11:24:33

I agree with having a budget that is realistic financially speaking for the rest of your retirement (estimation obviously)

Depending on the hobby, is the garage the only option? No clubs nearby that share the same interest, for example

As for the living location, the mental health needs and other needs should take priority here

I think the most worrying issue here is how differently you view this phase in your lives

Could you sit down, talk and agree together?

Fizzlywizzly Tue 04-Oct-22 11:26:28

I think the most worrying issue here is how differently you view this phase in your lives

This is what l think. I’m not sure how this has happened. I feel too exhausted to keep fighting about it. We’ve been together a long time, and l kind of assumed we were in the same groove. But it appears we’re not.

Fizzlywizzly Tue 04-Oct-22 11:29:01

He needs the garage to store his hobby stuff in. But the cost of a garage is high.

Hithere Tue 04-Oct-22 11:29:37

A crisis is an opportunity to discover new ways of doing things/spending time/etc

There is always calm after the storm

Germanshepherdsmum Tue 04-Oct-22 11:30:36

What about equity release?

Fizzlywizzly Tue 04-Oct-22 11:31:45

Yes, we’ve considered that. It seems the best answer, but there seems to be so much negative press about it.

Germanshepherdsmum Tue 04-Oct-22 11:38:02

See an independent financial adviser. There’s the type of equity release where you pay interest on the sum released each month so that sum stays the same, or the kind where interest is rolled up until the money is repaid when you die or go into care, and as the interest is compounded the sum owed gets a lot bigger. A financial adviser could explain all the pros and cons.

Caleo Tue 04-Oct-22 11:38:12

If it were me, I'd go for the expensive garage option. However I am not interested in holidays, and would prefer a good district and a large garden.

Another plus point for the garage option is that a solidly made dry garage adds to the value of your property, whereas holiday expenses can never be recovered.

Fizzlywizzly Tue 04-Oct-22 11:39:39

But I’d rather the holidays than the garage.

Caleo Tue 04-Oct-22 11:40:25

PS make sure the house will be the property of both you and your husband.

Germanshepherdsmum Tue 04-Oct-22 11:41:36

I agree Caleo. Everyone round here is happy to keep their cars on the drive. Not us. We built a double garage and not only does it keep himself happy and the (expensive, attractive to thieves) cars safe, it has added to the value of the property.

Caleo Tue 04-Oct-22 11:42:52

I were Fizzly's mother I'd advise her to invest in property not holidays.

Germanshepherdsmum Tue 04-Oct-22 11:43:00

Does it have to be holidays or garage? What about garage and fewer holidays?

Casdon Tue 04-Oct-22 11:44:17


But I’d rather the holidays than the garage.

Does your husband want lots of holidays too, or is that your dream?

ExDancer Tue 04-Oct-22 11:46:30

Are you expecting him to go on holiday with you and enjoy himself ? My husband hates holidays, can't see the point - so I go alone.
Does your husband expect you to take an interest in his expensive hobby, whatever it is, or does he persue it on his own?
Someone has already suggested you set aside an equal sum of money for your hobbies (counting the holidays as your hobby), then compromise over the new downsized place to live?
You need to stay within your surgery's catchment area, he needs a garage - can't you have both? If it's going to be too expensive perhaps you'd be better not downsizing at all?
Its really not worth splitting up over, you'd both be worse off.

Caleo Tue 04-Oct-22 11:47:48

By the way, what is your husband's hobby, Fizzly?

rosie1959 Tue 04-Oct-22 11:58:01

Is it not possible to rent a garage near where you want to live ?

Fizzlywizzly Tue 04-Oct-22 12:10:54

Garages are like goldust. They cost a fortune to rent.

I’d go on holiday alone, l don’t expect him to come.

His hobby is motorbikes. He has loads in the not very big garage.

I have craft based hobbies. I don’t have a special room for them. I just have to muddle through on a sofa or kitchen table.

All the house prices are high in GP catchment. The only way to reduce the price is to reduce the square area measurement. Ir get rid of extra space. His hobby requires a lot of space. This is what I’m not sure we can afford.