girlfriend and drinking

Hi, well...I like a drink and my partner hardly drinks.
I might have half a bottle of wine with my dinner once kids are in bed or a pint or two when out.
A few months ago, I had 3 pints to his one.
I finished there as had enough.
Saturday night I had 2 large glasses of wine & he drank a pot of tea.
This eve I'll have water and tea and will he happy with that as I will for the rest of the week... however, Saturday night I am going out and will look forward to a few glasses of wine. I am really looking forward to the food and some wine.
I am entirely comfortable with the amount I drink and CAN decide to have one, or several.
If I'm driving I don't have anything and don't crave or feel like I've missed out...is that the difference? I don't know.
If my partner commented on my alcohol intake I'd be concerned actually.
I'd want to know what it was that worried him. ....
We don't argue or anything like that when I've had a drink but also I'm conscious about his sobriety and not being drunk with him, causing embarrassment or making him feel uncomfortable or me being awkward company in any way.
What does she do that makes you worried?
If my partner wanted me to stop drinking, I'd really want to know why but I know that I'd also bristle as would feel he was being controlling. Sorry, but I would.

Two of my exes were alcoholics. They both had huge personality changes after a drink. When I was younger, I was tolerant of others drinking, as long as they didn't affect me. I'm not anymore and I wouldn't tolerate being around those who were drunk.

So, I don't blame you. If she enjoys it, tell her to do it when you're not around. If it's only once a month, that's fair enough. But you certainly don't have to be forced to witness/tolerate it.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask your partner to not embarrass you when out with friends, by drinking to excess and getting out of control.
It’s spoiling the evening for you and some of your friends as well, if they are rolling their eyes and commenting on her behaviour.
Some posters are saying that you are being a bit of a misery and you should accept this behaviour as it’s only once a month, I disagree. Why should you be embarrassed by her once a month?
For instance, if you decided on these nights out with friends to tell really loud, corny, unfunny jokes, which friends rolled their eyes at and made you look a bit of a plonker and a buffoon, do you think that might embarrass your partner and maybe spoil her enjoyment of the evening.
As people are saying, if you can’t change her behaviour, you can change yours, so I’d tell her I wouldn’t be going to these evenings with friends, as you don’t enjoy them any more, because you are always embarrassed by her drunken behaviour.
See if she would agree to go and not drink at all, as she can’t regulate her drinking to a couple, see if she chooses you or the drink.

You sound a bit controlling
I would hate to be policed. I don't drink that often but if I felt someone was judging me and trying to control how many glasses I'm having, it would push me to have even more
Do you ever over indulge when it comes ro food? Chocolate, crisps?
Would you be happy if she policed your food choices?

Everybody's entitled to a blowout now and again, especially if its only once a month. Without judgement.

You need to loosen up a bit, otherwise you may lose her.

While I do not drink at all, I don’t have a problem as such with others drinking, my Dh doesn’t, but I think when they drink to excess and their personality then changes and starts embarrassing themselves then there’s obviously going to be a problem, for them and their partners, nothing more tragic than someone out of control on drink, they really push my buttons,

Hi, am separated from my husband and we now live in different areas. We separated because of his drinking, his personality changed. He has a limit of 6 pints but went over it everytime. He remembers nothing the next day after a drink, he's not outgoing, but the life and soul after a drink. I know what you mean their personality changes. They are not the person you know, like being with a stranger. Told me he's drinking less now but will never give up entirely because he enjoys it. He a lovely man without the alcohol, l believe its his support system. I loved him but set him free.

I agree retread but if she’s sane for 29 and a half days out of 30 she probably doesn’t have an alcoholics viewpoint she just once a month likes to throw caution to the wind completely unwind and become a tit for a few hours
Perhaps husky can explain to her that she embarrasses him if they re out with friends and if she wants to have her once a month unwind it’s going to be at home only

I don’t know it doesn’t seem too big a problem if she’s just stumbling , acting loud etc ….are you and your friends not able to laugh it off and perhaps take her home if she starts to get OTT if she was making a play at men swearing or being a proper pest it would be different but you don’t say that
Are your standards of a night out too high is there a big old mismatch in your idea of fun and hers ? Things to think about

You live her you’re not going to leave her so find a compromise

As a recovered alcoholic, alarm bells scream for me when you say she cannot make the decision to stop once she has had a couple of drinks. I hope you find a way of dealing with this.

Bluebelle there's only one problem with the 'make a pact' suggestion, and that is that once someone is drunk, all reason goes out the window ...

I truly would simply decline to go out to social occasions with her where she is likely to drink too much (and I'd say why). Drunk people really push my buttons.

I think you have had a couple of harsh posts but don’t worry it happens in life and on here
Your girlfriend doesn’t need al anon for a once a month drinking session she just needs to understand that you’re not happy with her going way over the top on occasions Have a pact with her that if she goes over the top when you’re out with friends and it gets embarrassing you ll both leave but if she’s at home she can get as tipsy as she likes once a month but you ll leave her to it on her own and go to bed without her

If you love her stop worrying it’s not a big problem if she can leave it alone for a month but talking not arguing is the answer

Hi huskyfan, the grans here have given you a lot of good advice though I understand some of it is on the tough side. You say you're going to stay with your girlfriend and that's commendable, I suppose. But stay knowing that it might get worse over time, or she might stop drinking altogether. But that would have to be on her terms. From my experience, nagging won't help. The compromise you talk about could come from laying your cards on the table, full disclosure without threats. No more than two drinks when away from home and the earlier suggestion of a glass of water between drinks. But I don't picture how you actually do this. It seems pretty controlling and she could tell you to take a hike. Good luck.

Actually husky fan, I’m with you, I’d hate it if my partner was drinking like yours. Whether it’s too much too often who’s to say? I’d be more concerned about the amount they were drinking in a session. But hey, being around someone who was drawing attention to themselves because they were inebriated…no thank you. What the solution is….yr partner doesn’t see a problem so she’s not about to change, the only one that can make a change is you, and you say you don’t want to end things , it’s a toughie. Good luck

It sounds like to me like she overdoes it on occasion, and it makes you uncomfortable. Can you avoid the situation; as in try to leave before she gets drunk? I would talk with her without judgement, and tell her how you feel, but not in a blaming way.

I do understand the difference between 'getting tipsy' and getting embarrassingly drunk. I hate to say to watch her intake, but maybe suggest a bubbly water in between drinks, so she is not taking in too much too quickly. I realize you are not her her keeper, and what she does is up to her, but you can control how you react. Leave the situation before it gets to be a situation!

I'm not sure what she drinks, but some drinks are stronger than others. If she is ordering mixed drinks, suggest a tall, which has more mix, or stick to cider or beer which has a lower alcohol content.

I've always said drinking is a problem if affects your health, your wallet, or your relationships. It sounds like it is affecting your relationship, so try to have a discussion with her, but not 'the morning after'!

Granny Nanny- i NEVER said disapproval- Read back- I said I don't really care for it nor like the way she acts. That is not dis-approval. it's merely stating how i feel- no different than if i smoked and she didn't like it

Ok well I am in the US- I wasn't aware of any rules where every single fact had to be outlined in the first post- It's called a discussion where more info may come out as people weigh in.
No need for anyone to be rude- I came here seeking assistance. it seems people here feel the need to critique every little thing i did or didn't put into the original discussion. Yes- she has done this out with other friends present. and yes there have been times when other folks have rolled their eyes and made comments that she had too much- I say that is embarrasing. That i how I FEEL. I am not looking to end this relationship or go to Al-Anon. I am simply trying to get different opinions as to if it's something i should learn to deal with- or if it's an indication of a bigger issue

The OP’s partner has a few drinks once a month and meets with disapproval. She doesn’t sound like the one with the problem.

Yes, there is another interpretation, plus, there has been no drip feed.

rosie1959

If I could pop back in now OP some have given Alanon as a suggestion in your situation I don't really think this would help this is for partners and friends of alcoholics I don't think you would get much identification there.
May I ask what she does that is so embarrassing to you? Does anyone else notice or comment.

I assumed that OP is the partner of a person with a drinking problem, precisely the type of person Al Anon is aimed at
Or is there another interpretation of Girlfriend and drinking

Maw- maybe i am not understanding this forum- I am taking all the advice- am i not allowed to continue a discussion with more info and comments??

It does help if the relevant information is presented at the outset and not “drip fed” as the thread progresses.
I’m with Sago on this and I’m out.
You ask a question, you get an answer - what purpose does more info and comments serve.

You have made a choice not to drink, well good for you.
But having a few drinks on a weekend is maybe how she unwinds.
Does she behave inappropriately to your friends? Does she throw up? Does she have the most awful hangover the next day?
If not, her drinking is probably just social drinking, and you need to stop nagging her.

When your girlfriend has a drinking session why not keep her company by having a beer or two. You would stay in your comfort zone and might even mellow enough to cope with her "relaxed" behaviour. You could earn more brownie points by producing some tasty snacks ?

Sago

I have been following this thread and have not commented as I’m fairly sure it’s a wind up.
However to read that Mokryna could ever suggest filming someone whilst “ under the influence” and then play it is really grim.
I would hope nobody would ever secretly film me.

Quite possible Sago. the secret filming however is abusive that's why I bothered.

So the stories changing I was under the impression she was having a once a month let your hair down night at home with you but now it’s out with other people
So which is it ? If it’s a let your hair down giggle and trip around the house with you, stop worrying
If you re going out with friends and she s acting inappropriately enough for others to mention it well tell her that you don’t mind her having a skinful once a month in the house with you but it’s not on to cause embarrassment when out with friends
Are you in USA or U.K. ?

Does your girlfriend act differently with different drinks?
Some people react differently to, say, beer/ spirits.

I'm being tough on you because although you say you love her I don't pick up a lot of tenderness, but judgment, like how she makes YOU seem by her behaviour when she has had too much. it feels all about YOU.