Christmas Gifting

If they give your partner thoughtless gifts e.g. alcohol for a non-drinker, put it away until next year, gift wrap it and give it back! If the tradition is to continue, make a note of what they give you and give something of similar monetary value to them. How about a Christmas hamper from Lakeland? They start at less than £20 up to about £50. One each per couple will save you a minimum of £200. (If you don't have a Lakeland shop nearby you can visit lakeland.co.uk) Other hamper outlets are available. I just happen to have the Lakeland catalogue in front of me!

In my family it is only children who are given Christmas gifts unless parent/husband/wife/partner. I think the cycle here needs to be broken. I suggest you tell them that you are giving to charity instead. I give to Crisis at Christmas but there are so many charities in need more than they are. You could suggest that they do the same....

I meant in more need than your family...

You need to break the cycle and the COL crisis is the perfect excuse to say sorry we dont have the budget this year. We need all out money for essentials. They may well find it as much of a pain as you do.

Back in 1979 I told my family I was no longer buying gifts or celebrating christmas. It took me several years to "train" them but in the end I managed it. It was not a budget thing. I was just fed up with it. For a few years I gave my parents small token presents such as socks or pot plants but eventually I stopped that as well. The upside was that they no longer had to think of anything to buy for me.

Nowadays I dont decorate, buy gifts or cards or any special food. I do give some money to my nephew who helps me a lot and he can buy what he wants.

I think gift giving varies from family to family. We have no family nearby. When children were small we sent presents. But in recent years we haven't. We are going in Dec for a pre Christmas visit to see the family. Plan to take a really nice box of biscuits or chocolates and a bottle of Prosecco for each couple. There are a couple of young children, so we will look for something for them. Too difficult and expensive to buy individual gifts for 10 adults.

I just buy for my 3 DGC and give money, wine/ spirits, biscuits and tin chocolates to my AC.
Send cards to extended family and friends and that's it. OH and I don't bother. I do a Xmas list for AC with cheapish items I want, eg flowers chocolates cookery book.

I would tell them that as all bills are rising you won't be doing presents this year apart from immediate family.

LittleDot. Do you make things like jam or chutney? These make very acceptable festive gifts.in a nice jar with a bow and a decorative label. They don't tend to get pushed to the back of a cupboard. It will impress as a personal thoughtful gift.

Mawthemerrier.
Hello! Given the approach.
Perhaps a more appropriate name could be Themorethemerrier.
Keep smiling. We all have our little irked ways.

MawtheMerrier

Please, please can we say giving .
This tendency to turn nouns into verbs is really annoying - eg medalling, podiuming etc!

So agree with you Maw. There's a lot of it on the tv too, 'are you going to bingo/Butlins' and 'do you pod' immediately spring to mind.

Cut costs as much as you can this year but tell them you are not able to do it anymore and this will be the last year. They don't need to buy you anything next year either. As much as you like the tradition it's just too expensive now. If they care about you, they will understand.

I sent a message to friends last year saying that I was having to stop as I was finding it hard with bills, etc and that they were probably feeling the pinch too and just to spend money in their own family and grandkids. They agreed and I'm sure were as relieved as I was that we put a stop to it.

You either say No or just buy the relatives rubbish such as they give you.

Tell them you have been moved to make donations to charity. Choose a charity and tell them which one you prefer but ask if they have a preference for another. Make a modest donation to whichever charity is chosen. Tell them you would rather they did the same for you instead of gifts.

I think £300 for people who give little thought to what they buy for you and do not go to the same expense, is too much.

It would be a little awkward now to suddenly say you are no longer continuing with this tradition but I would certainly get less expensive gifts, particularly as they are well off and you are finding finances more difficult.

We used to do secret santa (£40 each limit, wish list) but, having had two very close bereavements in November 2020, we were too upset to bother much about Christmas. It was just enough to have a quiet and relaxing time with our small family. We didn't bother with secret santa again last year and I'm not sure if we will reinstate it. I always thought it was a bit silly for adults to feel it necessary.

WOW! That is just ridiculous. They have a thriving business, yet spend bugger all on you and buy stuff you don't want/can't use, and yet you spend £300 between 4 of them. Really?! Never mind about what your husbands parents want, if they want you to spend a lot on them, then they can give you the money. Cut it down to less than £10 per person. Get stuff in sales/on offer, or whatever and save your money for your close family. Bills have gone up drastically, so they should not have the nerve to say anything if you cut down on costs hugely, and in any case they are not generous with you and take no care in choosing suitable gifts.

They can't make her buy presents. She needs to be firm and say they are only buying for immediate family. If they don't like it, tough S**T! She can emphasise that they can't afford it, and do not want to be unable to pay bills due to buying so many presents,

Christmas is a stressful time for many people these days since it has lost its meaning. A lot of money is wasted on presents each year and it is difficult to know what to buy for each individual. I still have lots of toiletries left from previous years.
I am housebound and live far away from my family. So I now send a cheque to my granddaughter so that she can buy something appropriate for her three children, herself and husband. My grandsons who are now in their fifties and childless get a cheque to cover the cost of a meal out.
My son and daughter in law a new shrub or tree for their large garden.
I have outlived all my friends so no problem there. Nowadays it is just another Sunday for me.

Blimey, £300! That's way too much! What on Earth are you buying?? You can buy decent gift sets/food/biscuits for a tenner. If your mil doesn't like that, tough. If you can't knock it on the head altogether, lower your budget considerably x

We stopped the majority of gifts years ago. We send a card and inside put “in lieu of gifts this year our chosen charity is ……… “. Rather a charity received the benefit. We find that works very well - no unwanted gifts.

Mawthemerrier
I think it’s so rude to correct someone’s grammar in a post, unless you are a teacher teaching a student which you are not

I agree with other posters £ 300 is too much to spend given the current economic conditions. I would give your relatives a smaller gift this year and tell them that this is the last year you will be giving gifts. Good luck LittleDot

Go out and buy a small gift for each person at the nearest pound shop or the equivalent.

There is no reason on earth why you should spend more money on these presents than they do on yours.

Hand them over with a smile.

If you feel your really must say something, say, "They are only small things this year - we have just had our electricity bill bumped up to twice the usual."

After Christmas, sit your husband down and discuss whether he really wants to go on giving presents to people who apparently either do not know that he does not drink alcohol, or don't care.

The best thing is if you or he can agree to stop giving presents, or only to give small, inexpensive ones. Then write to these relatives wishing them a Happy New Year and mention that you and your husband have regretfully come to the conclusion that with the rising cost of living, you will not be giving presents next year.

My DH and I agreed with his brother's family that we would only buy Christmas presents for each other's grandchildren. It was fine, although I personally really missed the thoughtful gifts my SiL used to choose for me! I'm now wondering when it stops, as my BiL's grandchildren are in their twenties but our grandchildren are much younger.

The cost of living crisis is an ideal opportunity to say you can no longer afford to buy gifts - especially if the gifts you receive are cheaper and thoughtless (or give them back what they gave you last year!)

Small token gifts would be fine. In out family we don’t do adult gifts - only children. The Secret Santa gift would be a good alternative with a realistic price limit. Spending £300 seems over the top for distant relatives.