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DIL ESTRANGEMENT

(35 Posts)
Win15 Mon 31-Oct-22 00:35:47

I did post this situation a few weeks ago, but took it off right away. I’m really at a loss what to do about this. I documented my son’s life since birth to eighteen. I’m a somewhat professional photographer; the camera I use is a Mamiya professional roll film camera. The roll film allows you to blow up photos wall size without losing any rosolution. Here’s the problem: I went through a divorce four years ago. I took all the photos; not my spouse. He stole them (six boxes full) out of our house one day when I was at work. I have been trying to get them back for the past four years. My DIL got them in her hands telling him she was going to do a family project. He gave them to her, but said he wanted them back. She told me she had them, but was going to keep them because they are of her husband (my son). I paid thousands of dollars in film, professional processing, etc. These photos were sent out to high/end film processors-no Walmarts! They are like high end wedding photos. I asked her if I could have them back. That I would make copies of some that are her favorite. She won’t budge. She said she has every right to keep them. She has them in a hidden location, even. I thought, okay, well at least they will be safe…but if they break up, they will go with her. I really want them back. They are my memories of him growing up. I have always been loving to her, and never challenged her…but I want them. I invested years in these beautiful photos. She is a Fundamentalist Christian and her and her family have very strict beliefs and values about husbands obeying wives. He was raised Catholic, but has taken her religion. She is close to her family, but has always excluded my ex-spouse and I because we are divorced, and he came out as gay. She says he’s a sinner. What course of action can I take?

Norah Mon 31-Oct-22 16:10:48

Callistemon21

^He stole them (six boxes full) out of our house one day when I was at work^

"I should have changed that stupid lock, I should have made you leave your key"

grin grin grin

Callistemon21 Mon 31-Oct-22 16:16:41

Norah

Callistemon21

He stole them (six boxes full) out of our house one day when I was at work

"I should have changed that stupid lock, I should have made you leave your key"

grin grin grin

It's a salutary tale ☹

Lathyrus Mon 31-Oct-22 16:26:58

“Wives submit to your husbands as unto the Lord…as the church is subject unto Christ so let wives be subject unto their husbands in everything.” Ephesians 5:22, 24.

“Wives submit yourselves unto your husbands as it is fit in the Lord” Colossians 3:18

You’ve got it the wrong way round OP.

VioletSky Mon 31-Oct-22 17:36:01

I've done worse, I stole a cat from my MIL.

Well sort of

It was my husbands cat growing up and and she sent him to us for a bit to look after while she couldn't.

Husband wanted to keep him and the cat had a better life with us but he couldn't deal with his mum

So I told her she couldn't have him back.

Sometimes people aren't good at talking to their own mums so the partner steps in.

Doesn't mean I am in control here, I just did what he needed

OnwardandUpward Mon 31-Oct-22 19:47:04

I sometimes get my husband to say things for me that I find difficult, so yes I do agree VS that happens. I've also helped him with things with his Mum when he struggled. She's lovely, but some things he just finds hard.

As far as the photos are concerned, I think the DiL is in the wrong. She's acting judgemental, entitled and is actually stealing. The photos are the legal property of the person who took them because of copyright law, unless they had sold or given them away, which they haven't.

VioletSky Mon 31-Oct-22 23:33:48

I agree, if property is stolen it really is a police matter to sort out

The only caveat is that it will not help the relationship

Probably it would be better to fix the relationship and get access to the photos that way

welbeck Tue 01-Nov-22 00:29:28

consult a lawyer.
and/ or go to the minister of her church and ask him/her to mediate.
good luck.

Redhead56 Tue 01-Nov-22 00:35:41

This is not a police matter it is civil no matter where it is see a solicitor.

OnwardandUpward Thu 03-Nov-22 08:44:06

The only other way you might be able to get to her if she is a fundamental Christian is remind her that the ten commandmends say "do not steal". You might be able to speak to people who know her, like a minister, to see if they will mediate but it probably wont be good for relationships, sadly.

The way she is treating you for being divorced is digusting. Did she expect you to stay with a gay man? Judegemental people are the worst hypocrites!