Holiday without husband ?

Go on holiday, and don't feel guilty!

Go

Have you spoken to your husband about it?
Better to go with his blessing, I think, even though you should still go without it, if necessary.

Would you go alone or with friends and do you mean abroad, cruise etc?
Do you think he would be ok with you going on holiday without him?
Going for days out with friends is quite acceptable anyway and even weekends away with the “girls”.
I think you need to talk with him about this and hope he agrees and if not you could tell him that you don’t want to feel resentful, as you would still like to go on holiday, so you are going to try a short break, to see how it goes.

DH cannot travel abroad anymore and is often ill if we travel in this country. He can be left and I travel with my daughter and also with a girl friend both here and abroad. If you want to travel please go

A friend whose elderly husband is wheelchair bound has come up with this solution. They go together in a cruise. It is too much hassle forchin to get off in ports so she goes on daily excursions without him. While she is away he might read in the lounge, attend a lecture or join in a quiz. In the evenings they 'go out" together. They dine and see a show which, as she says, is far easier to manage on board than when they are at home as it involves no travel. This compromise suits them. Of course this depends on how able and willing to go your DH is and whether he would accept his own limitations on board in order to spend the evenings with you. She fulfils her desire to travel and explore and she doesn't have to worry about leaving him behind.

Go on holiday without him, deffo. If you feel guilty then do that while enjoying your time away which you must need. I have recently come back from a few days away with just my AD. I have over the course of 40+ years been on holidays with and without him, it's never an issue.

The cruise is a good idea, you can each choose how much activity you want, that aside as long as he is OK looking after himself go on a group holiday you will love it.

Yes, the cruise idea sounds good, especially one sailing from a UK port.

Go and enjoy it.

I think you should talk to your husband. You may well find he understands and encourages you to go.
It would probably do you good to have a holiday, even a short break, as long as you are satisfied that he will be looked after while you are away. .

Explain to your husband then go.

If you feel you need the break then go ahead and book something,every year I had a week away when my OH was alive my DD and I went away together and always enjoyed our time together we have continued again this year and have booked for next year,so go ahead and enjoy time away.

A friend of mine goes on a cruise every year, with the woman she cares for, and the womans husband.

They pay for my friend, and it's a working holiday for her.

If finances would stretch to that, and you know somebody well enough, it could be considered.

(Though my friend has said this year was too difficult, really, for her to manage, as her lady was poorly while they were away)

My husband has Parkinson's and his attitude now is that he doesn't ever want to go abroad or fly again. Even holidays in UK are difficult as he'd rather stay at home, so they're few and far between now. We had not long retired and the plan was to holiday more, so I find this extremely sad. I know that I may well be his full-time carer for many years at some point, and I feel that even if he doesn't want to holiday, go to concerts, out for a meal, etc, I can't stand the idea that we could have another 20 or 30 years, doing what? Sitting at home twiddling our thumbs? We've had many chats and he has reluctantly accepted that I NEED these things to look forward to, whilst I still can. So for next year, I have booked a week backpacking, and another week on an escorted coach trip to Ireland - that was his main concern, that he didn't want me to go off the mainland unless I was with others. It works for us - we did similar this year. Of course, I'd rather we had holidays together, but am I prepared to give up all holidays because he doesn't want to go? No, I am not. And as and when the time comes where I cannot leave him, then I will have had my travel fun, so won't resent anything. So my advice to you, is to go. Talk to him and explain how you feel, but ensure he understands the difference this will make to your general mental health and happiness. There are great solo trips for people in our situation who don't wish to travel alone. Good luck and have fun!

Notjustaprettyface Thank you for bringing up this issue as I am in a virtually identical situation with a much older husband. Feeling resentful and guilty with endless sleepless nights is not a healthy option. My OH does not have severe mobility problems but has other issues involving alcohol and being socially isolated. So I’m going to take a deep breath and book that holiday.

Thank you everybody
The message is clear : I must go
But I also take on board the fact that I must talk to him first
I am not clear yet what I want to do next year but I will soon be
I do also like the cruise suggestion so that’s another possibility
I may otherwise go on my own especially in this country it wouldn’t worry me or with a Friend
It really depends where I decide to go ultimately
Thanks again for your kind and very pertinent advice

Yes, go and enjoy. Come back refreshed and ready to support again.

Do let us know where you decide to go.
I go on a special interest holiday each year. In my case it is singing, so a choral holiday. My husband doesn’t seem to mind. It is good for both of us, I feel.

I would suggest you go with 'One Traveller' on holiday. It is for mature single travellers and they look after you so well. You have the support of being in a group and everything is organised for you. Holidays here and abroad. I am shortly going on my sixth one.

I honestly think that the resentment that will build up is FAR more damaging to your marriage than you taking much needed time out. Resentment, over time, is corrosive. You only have one life. Your DH may or may not be happy, but he needs to know that for You to be happy and content together its important you can do things you want to do.

I do like the idea of a cruise - or similar getaway break - hotels which have facilities for both to enjoy, etc, because it means hopefully mutual enjoyment.

There is a sadder aspect, which is the possibility of jealously. that someone doesn't want a close one to enjoy that which they cannot anymore, it reminds them of loss.

I am NOT saying this is relevant to anyone who has posted here but it can happen sometimes. If a partner tries to stop someone doing what they want because they are jealous, it can only, in the end, damage the bond.

I chatted with an older lady in the theatre on a cruise ship once. She was sitting alone, though she had other relatives elsewhere on the ship.
Her husband was at home in the UK in a nursing home; she said her cruise was a much-needed break from her domestic situation.

Go with a clear conscience Notjustaprettyface

What about getting together with another lady who has a husband who's in a similar situation? Then you'd have a travelling companion and the men could do blokey things together at home?

I probably wouldn't want to leave my husband in case anything happened to him when I was far away, but that's just me. If you really need a break and you're ok with that risk, I'd say go for it.

OnwardandUpward

What about getting together with another lady who has a husband who's in a similar situation? Then you'd have a travelling companion and the men could do blokey things together at home?

I probably wouldn't want to leave my husband in case anything happened to him when I was far away, but that's just me. If you really need a break and you're ok with that risk, I'd say go for it.

I think decisions like that also depend on level of any risk. The OP wasn't indicating that was an issue, rather than an unwillingness to have a getaway that was viable but not wanted.