Help needed with overbearing MIL

I am actually a daughter in law that is looking for some advice from other MILs on my current situation. I am a new mom and want to make sure I’m not overreacting or my hormones are getting the better of me!

I have been with my partner for 6 years, he has always had a good relationship with his parents. He would speak to his mother most days over text and I liked that he was close. When I came into the picture I was welcomed and felt like I was the daughter they never had! Never had any issues ……. Until I became pregnant.

Now before I go into the events that have happened, I need to explain her behaviour. She is not confrontational at all, in fact, she is always the one who couldn’t possibly do xyz, scared of everything - my complete opposite!! Everyone would say she was harmless, but I’m now thinking there is more to all of this.

The first concern was when I was pregnant. This is her first grandchild, and of course she was excited. She kept saying that as soon as I went into labour she would get her husband to drive up straight away ( they live 1.5hr away). This immediately made me tense up, I wasn’t comfortable with this. When my partner tried to use covid visiting as a reason they couldn’t come to the hospital, she said that she would just come and wait at our house. I didn’t want to come back to anyone in my house, there was no asking or any thought to if this was appropriate. Int he end we ended up having a c section in secret so we could make sure that we would have our space.

Visiting was getting intense, every two weeks and they would stay all day, on the last occasion before we said something, they didn’t get up to us til 2pm and we’re still here at 8pm when we were trying to do bedtime. For anyone who has had a newborn, any change to routine is a nightmare, and we had tears for hours. When my husband told them that they will have to come up for 10am but leave after lunch it was met with sulking and being told that she didn’t feel welcome in our home.

When she is here, it isn’t like she takes over, she has never gone to pick her up or even changed a nappy, she sits there just squealing at her every mood and I can feel the unspoken plea of give me the baby. My baby doesn’t really settle with her so naturally baby then starts to play up. We booked a family holiday ( first holiday in 3 years) and we found out through other family that they had secretly booked the same holiday, in the same hotel. When my husband confronted them, they said they were going to surprise us by being there when we checked in and thought they could baby sit our 5 month old over night so we could have some time together ( they have never looked after her alone ever)

They were told they had crossed a line and did cancel the holiday, but they do not think that they were in the wrong for this at all.

My partner has constantly told them to stop buying baby gifts. We feel strongly about baby having too much stuff and becoming expectant, yet she still continues to buy stuff. To the point my husband says no take it back with you, she then just sits there and sulks.

Most recently she annoyed that she had already purchased baby a wooden Christmas advent, something that I, as the mother, wanted to buy my child. There was no asking if it was ok, has we already done it etc

It is clear that she thinks that it is me that is saying no and in her opinion keeping her away from the baby, she has said to family that she just wants the chance to be a grandmother, which we are trying to give her but on our terms not hers.

This whole situation is making me really quite depressed, it’s caused arguments in my relationship and I am left feeling anxious and resentful at every interaction.

Any advice from MILs out there would be very welcomed xx