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I Think We're On Different Paths

(52 Posts)
KeepitLight68 Tue 31-Jan-23 15:12:22

I recently "met" someone on line who supposedly lives not far from me. In the course of our talks he mentioned that he was divorced due to the fact that his ex had messed around. He also mentioned she passed soon after the divorce. They shared an eight year old son. I think he has full custody. He has been throwing out compliments almost from day one: "you're beautiful" .. "you're so funny." Among others until the I love you's. I realize that actions speak louder than words.

Regardless of the fact that he (in my opinion) is hoping that I will say it back and mean it ...I have had my share of helping to bring up someone's kids. I have my son that despite the fact he's 33, he still talks to me about whatever is going on in his mind at the time.

Long story short, I don't want or need someone's issues on my plate .. helping to raise another child with all that could entail is not in this woman's picture.

I wrote him a long "Dear John" and am calling it quits. I hate letting someone down but at this point in my life, my immediate family is more important.


Being a grown up isn't easy. wink but I'm trying.

I'm not asking you guys what to do ....I need your comments before I proceed.


silverlining48 Tue 31-Jan-23 15:25:13

You hardly know him. Much too soon to be thinking about anything like this. You know how you feel, best let him know.

crazyH Tue 31-Jan-23 15:41:06

Compliments are nice to receive and especially coming from a younger man. (I’m presuming he’s younger, because of the 8year old son).
But, you really dont want to take on another child. It’s a big responsibility and commitment and if, for some reason, the relationship doesn’t work out, it will be hard on the little boy.
Good luck whatever you decide !

Poppyred Tue 31-Jan-23 15:45:54

If you’ve only just met him and already having doubts best post the letter today!

Juliet27 Tue 31-Jan-23 15:52:47

From his point of view, I think it best you let him know your thoughts soon so he doesn't get his hopes up.

Oldnproud Tue 31-Jan-23 15:52:53

I notice that you put "met" in inverted commas. Does that mean that you haven't actually met this person in the flesh?

Lexisgranny Tue 31-Jan-23 15:56:07

I think that maybe the idea of having someone in your life had appeal, but when it started to become a reality, perhaps not so much. You really don’t know him very well and you don’t say whether you have had any relationships long or short term. It sounds as if you really need to take things very slowly, particularly if there are children involved who might get hurt.

PinkCosmos Tue 31-Jan-23 15:59:38

Have you actually met him in person?

Not saying that this is the case, but there have been a lot of lonely women conned by men into giving up loads of money.

There was a story on tv a few weeks ago. He said he had an eight year old son. It then transpired that the son was in hospital and the man couldn't pay the hospital bills (I think he worked abroad). The woman had loads of pictures of the man. It all turned to to be an elaborate con. She had given him around £20,000. Turned out he had stolen the images off someone's Facebook page and doctored them. The woman said she couldn't believe she had been taken in by it all. She seemed like an intelligent woman.

Not saying that this is the case. However, I would send the letter for the reasons you say in your OP

KeepitLight68 Tue 31-Jan-23 17:56:47


Compliments are nice to receive and especially coming from a younger man. (I’m presuming he’s younger, because of the 8year old son).
But, you really dont want to take on another child. It’s a big responsibility and commitment and if, for some reason, the relationship doesn’t work out, it will be hard on the little boy.
Good luck whatever you decide !

crazyH..he says he is 67 and is looking to retire soon. I've sent the letter. Though I'm curious to see how it's taken..more importantly, for my own mental health .. TRYING to stay away and go on with my life.

CanadianGran Tue 31-Jan-23 18:00:42

I think you've done the right thing KeepitLight. At this point in life you don't need more complications, just companionship.

GagaJo Tue 31-Jan-23 18:09:53

He sounds like he's catfishing. He 'supposedly' lives near you. Dead spouse. He's 67 with an 8 year old? He's told you he loves you very quickly.

I'm afraid these are all classic cat fishing lines.

lure (someone) into a relationship by means of a fictional online persona.

Just as well you sent the letter binning him. He was out to get money from you. Certainly not a real person.

Theexwife Tue 31-Jan-23 18:13:23

I think you are making too much of this, you have met someone, and you want different things so you have written to say that you are not going to go forward with a relationship. What else is there to say?

Sago Tue 31-Jan-23 19:03:33

Love bombing!
A big red flag.

Barmeyoldbat Tue 31-Jan-23 19:49:27

You have done the right thing sending him the email and congratulations for being strong enough not to get caught in his web

KeepitLight68 Wed 01-Feb-23 14:24:39

all for your posts.

It was helpful to read and encouraging as well.

Norah Wed 01-Feb-23 14:29:31

Well done you.

Be sure to not open messages from him. Just bin or delete.

Startingover61 Thu 02-Feb-23 11:53:03

I agree with Sago.
Best binned!

Startingover61 Thu 02-Feb-23 11:56:04

I wouldn’t open any messages he might send you; in fact, I’d block him. The same applies to any way he might try to contact you to try and ‘persuade’ you that you’re making a mistake: Facebook, Facebook Messenger, and so on.

HousePlantQueen Thu 02-Feb-23 12:06:58

I agree with Gagajo, this is likely a romance fraud, all this nonsense about loving you when you haven't even met, the child....all classic methods. Kym Marsh has been doing a programme about this for a while, easily found on I-player, just have a look. I am also curious when you 'wrote' him a letter? As in old school envelope and stamp? How did you know his address? He is unlikely to want you to raise his (probably fictional) 8 year old son, more likely looking to scam you financially. Well done on kicking him into touch

red1 Fri 03-Feb-23 11:43:45

sounds like you dodged a bullet! Why do we often lose our brains when we first romantically get involved with someone?
I was divorced at 50 a dear friend ,advised me ,please don't take anyone elses family on, 17 years on those words still ring in my ears.Im happily single.

EMMYPEMMY Fri 03-Feb-23 11:52:01

67 with an 8 Yr old ?
Think you best to let go now
Seems a swindler to me

Bankhurst Fri 03-Feb-23 11:58:14

Everything about this screams ‘NO’

Babsbada Fri 03-Feb-23 12:00:19

Run a mile. He's fishing and hoping for a catch.. I image you're not the only one he's hoping to net.

harrigran Fri 03-Feb-23 12:01:51

Dodged a bullet there, don't fall for the sob stories.

Ziplok Fri 03-Feb-23 12:04:58

Definitely the right thing to do by giving him the heave ho. It sounds like a scam to me too. Although it’s not impossible for a 67 year old man to have an 8 year old son, so much of what you’ve said about him sends huge red flags, so you’ve done the right thing.
As others say, block him now so that he can’t try any more tactics.