Stuck in relationship with distant man

Just meet as friends for your dog walks.
Perfect.

I feel you want someone to tell you to leave but it is your decision. I hope you make the right one.

"Honestly, Caleo that's a dodgy road x (been there, done that)" wrote Wylloe3

Interesting! I never did that but was in the same danger as LaCrepescule and wished I HAD done that. I am intrigued as to what happened to you!

So much wisdom here and thank you for such a lovely long post choughdancer.

Because I think he's pretty dodgy and he want to marry her but is emotionally cold after being affectionate at first and is likely to be manipulative and I think no contact is best anything else .....the "Game" will just continue.

Best draw a line. After saying he wants to marry her how will suggesting "just dog walking together" ever be a good idea? Just another chance to get under the O/P's skin.

Wise daughter. You need to work on your dependency issues. You don't need this man.

Grandmabatty

That is a huge red flag. Run, skip away. Don't walk, don't stay. Find that strong independent woman and bin him

Agree, he is controlling. Get out now.

Sparklefizz

Jaylou One thing, as you have been together so long, you may have included him in your will, if so make sure you amend it and remove his name.

OP has only been with him for 16 months.

My comment may be relevant to the OP, or may help someone else as a reminder to change their will. There is no set timescale on adding people into your will.

Get out and no don’t take Ums advice to meet for dog walks that will NEVER work you must make a completely clean break

You can’t hang on to someone because you might get ill and need looking after that’s the daftest reason I ve ever heard ….where is your self worth ?

You can be happy alone many, many of us on here can be testament to that and once you are on your own build up your self esteem go to some groups or even try some counselling build up your girl friends these along with your family
( daughter) will be the ones to look after you if you get ill in the future not some cold bloke who likes to be in control of a woman

Find a group to walk your dog with so you won't be tempted to go back to him for that.

All these red flags op. He sounds awful
.what are you waiting for, he’s not going to change,you wish for peace but how are you going to get it with this man! Get out now!

LaCrepescule

So much wisdom here and thank you for such a lovely long post choughdancer.

You are very welcome LaCrepescule! I wish you the very best for the future .

I just wanted to update you lovely GNers. It took me a couple of goes but I’m rid of him; I saw him tonight and wanted to give him a second chance (I know that’s pathetic) but he behaved SO badly. The evening ended up with him throwing my belongings all over the stairs and I’m glad he did it because I know if he’s capable of that, he’s capable of anything 😔 I’ve blocked him so I need to stay strong. Sad because our dogs got on so well but hopefully my boy can make new friends. I felt scared of him and now I know why.

Well done you, best decision you’ve probably ever made. Riled up next time it might have been you he’d thrown down the stairs!
Stay strong, he’s shown you what he’s capable of. All your tomorrow’s are going to be brighter without him in them. Best wishes.

Thank you denbylover; it feels hard to let go of a dream of being with someone again in my later years but this man was clearly a danger to me. Only glad he showed me tonight.

Hi, yes I think he’s done you an enormous favour, although granted, in your quieter moments I suspect you’ll be feeling very real regret this man wasn’t all you hoped he’d be. Never doubt tho, that you’ve done the right thing.

Thank you for your lovely wise words x

You know you have made the right decision.

Well done! You have a right to live your life free from fear. Don’t look back. Have you heard of the Freedom Programme? You may wish to Google it if not. I did it via Zoom some months ago (no need to have your video on if you don’t wish to show your face). Completely safe space, led by a couple of very well-trained women. No one judges anyone else. For me, it was an eye opener.

Well done on your lucky escape! Don't look back!

So your “must have” list when you are ready, should be grown up woman seeks grown up man who also likes dogs. 🙂

You've made the right decision...and will have thoughts of 'what if', we can all feel like that at times but remember - it's far better to be alone for the right reasons than be with somebody for the wrong ones.

In the words of the song "Shut up & Drive", sung by Chely Wright; "you'll only miss the man, that you wanted him to be...."

That’s brilliant Davida 😊 I feel I’m not missing him at all (I’m in fact grateful that I’ll no longer have to deal with his moods) but it was the idea that I was in a couple and no longer alone. Funny thing is, now that I’m single again, I don’t really feel alone and can fully appreciate family, friends , work etc.

Make sure you choose a new route for your dog-walking. Last thing you need is him trying to worm his way into your good books again.

Stay strong!