Advice needed its my Bro and Sis Inlaw

well MN would say you have a DH problem.
why is he continuing to put you in situations where you are insulted by his brother.
silence means assent.
why were you looking after their house for them.
why have anything to do with them at all.
just go NC. and stick to it.

make your own arrangements if you wish to see MIL, at her house, when they are not there.
if they turn up, leave immediately.
you seem to letting them push you around.
and your husband is doing nothing to protect you.

I think leaving the situation isn't enough and you would be fine from now to stop entering it.

Why do you let your husband treat you like this?

He doesn't stand up for you!

Why do you put yourself in these uncomfortable situations?

Please say no, tell your dh to treat you better and stop contact with those people

I have sympathy for you and can see how upset you are, especially now they have moved so near to you. You need to avoid this pair and their bullying behaviour. I too feel it is your husbands role to stand up for you and not allow you to be treated this way. Perhaps he can have a word privately with his brother, although that will only work if they are reasonable people. If they aren't then I certainly wouldn't be looking after their key, meeting up for Christmas etc. Its time for your husband to put you first in my opinion.

They clearly enjoy tormenting you, so I simply wouldn’t be around them again. And I’d be absolutely furious with your husband for sitting there while his brother bullied his wife!

I agree with others avoid them and their company and expect more from your husband he should be supporting you and telling them to shut up if they are bothering you
Don’t put yourself in the situation stay away tell you husband he can visit when he wants but you won’t be going any more

These people are vile! Go NC.

Sounds as if your husband knows what his brother is like and has always taken the line of least resistance just to brush along with 'family'. Is your husband a very easy going person and have you always had to wear the trousers in the relationship i.e. sort out difficult situations etc? This may be the only way he knows how and also part of his personality. Secondly, your Bil and Sil are really not worth socialising with. I take it from your post that you are the other side of the pond. I get the impression that at the US is so large visiting relatives and friends takes days and people stay overnight. This does not contribute to the situation. Also, from reading your post, and quite understandably so, you are taking a lot of the 'detail' on board, which long term is not healthy for you. It is good that you stand up for yourself but with people like your relatives you will never break through their impenetrable wall as that is what they are like and WILL nor change so you have to respond differently. I would start by having a firm conversation with my husband about the situation and how it makes you feel. If he does the man thing and disappears or doesn't respond tell him in no uncertain terms that you will arrange your own visits to your children, make your own Christmas and organise with your own relatives what gives you joy. It will then be up to him to take action. You can't go on like this and why should you? People like those you describe simply are not worth giving the time of day. When my parents died I offloaded a whole load of drama relatives and my life was free for the first time in 60 years. It surprised me how quickly they disappeared as people often don't really care about us as much as we care. Good luck and stay strong!

I agree your best course of action is to avoid seeming him but if you have to meet with him try to have some clever put downs ready.

I have a friend who always seems to have great come backs against rude people, some I have heard are
Jealousy is a disease hope you get well soon
Are you normally this obnoxious or did you take classes
You have your entire life to be an idiot why not take a day off
Being a dick to me won't make yours bigger

I too am surprised your husband just sat there!

I would never associate with these people again. never visit their house ever again.

It sounds as though your OH has always been bullied by his brother its time he stood up to him and got himself a backbone such a pity they live so close I would certainly go no contact with them.

Have nothing to do with them, nothing. If your H wants to see them he'll have to do so alone. He's bang out of order just sitting there while you're being treated so appallingly.

You say they live just around the corner from you so if you see them cross the road and ignore.

glammanana

It sounds as though your OH has always been bullied by his brother its time he stood up to him and got himself a backbone such a pity they live so close I would certainly go no contact with them.

Very hard after a lifetime of your OH basically letting himself be bullied too, but he has to back you up! If you can't work it out between you and DH go together to talk to a counsellor so you are both "on the same page" and have a good strategy. Until you agree between you its going got be very hard, but in the meantime what other's say, go and enjoy your family.

It seems to me that the BIL is making inappropriate comments because he knows he can get a annoyed response out of you. He must find it amusing.

The next time he does it I would give a calm response such as 'It's none of your business' in response to his 'Do you like sex' comment. I wouldn't give a sarcastic or angry response as this is just what he wants. He is winding you up.

If it's something like the birthday comment, I would just ignore him or say 'change the record' (yes, I appreciate it is a bit sarcastic) and then ignore any further comments. In my opinion, this would make him look like the idiot is is.

Having said that, I would avoid being in their company as much as possible, which may not be easy if they live around the corner. If you did see them, I would be civil but that's about it.

Regarding Christmas, make your own arrangement with your own family. If they 'tell' you that they have made arrangements you must say that you have already made plans that can't be changed.

If they make the same arrangements as last year, could you not call around in the morning then go home to enjoy your own Christmas.

If the MIL has to stay with you, she can decide who she wants to spend Christmas with. Is she also embarrassed by the son's behaviour?

I also think your DH should have a word with your BIL about his behaviour. It sounds like he is intimidated by him.

Nothing on earth would make me go near those beastly people again. Avoid them at all costs.

Such nasty people - cut them out of your life - now !

The key to solving this is to speak to your DH and get him to realize how despicable his brother is!! Tell him to put his brother straight ( in no uncertain terms. ) Your husband really should have stepped in long ago. This BIL is rude and unsavory!
Remember, he is doing this because he can and no one is stopping him . He is a bully . Old woman has given you some great responses , use them.
When you get embarrassed / upset in front of him that is rewarding him for his unforgivable behaviour.Get your DH onside ( show him the GN responses) be strong , stand firm and put him firmly in his place. I suspect that when you stand up to him he will back down. He sees you as weak and and therefore an easy target. If all this does fail then keep well away from him , let your DH visit if he wants but keep him out of your life. Good luck. 💐

Regarding arrangements for Christmas etc., keep your plans to yourself and don't mention anything to BIL and SIL. If they ask what you will be doing for Christmas etc simply say "we have already made plans" and shut the conversation down.

In regard to his lurid behaviour I can relate to this. My OH has several brothers and we went to stay with one of them at a holiday park. He had arranged for us to use his friends chalet whilst him and his wife were using their own. When we arrived his wife wasn't there, she was unwell and stayed at home. Bearing in mind that this was the first time I had met this brother, he was so full-on with me. He hugged me a little too tightly when we were introduced and at the bar that evening he got extremely drunk and kept coming on to me whenever my OH was at the toilet or in the bar area. I was mortified at some of the stuff he was saying!
To this day I cannot engage in conversation with him and he really gives me the creeps. I always make sure to never be alone in a room with him and if he phones us I swiftly pass the phone to my OH.

Don’t have any contact with them. You do not have to see them or discuss them. Your husband can do as he likes.

Cut off all ties with these vile people. Such people hate to be ignored, but this is what you must try to do. We can’t choose who’s in our family, but we can choose whether or not to spend time with them.

The key to all this is your last line:
both seem to be getting a high from all of this

They certainly are, and your brother in law gets enjoyment when he embarrasses you with his puerile baiting.
You say you can verbally put someone in their place in a quiet and confident manner. Start doing so and don't rise to his bait, which is his aim.
If he asks you your birthdate, say 'you know perfectly well, six years older than your brother, why ask me again?'
Do you like sex? 'Clearly not as much as you.'
Family arrangements: 'sorry, but we have already made ours and can't alter them. What will you do?'
So much better if you can deliver the putdowns, with an air of faint amusement. and try really hard not to let this overgrown schoolboy rile you. Maintain your dignity, don't flee the room. At the same time make it clear to your husband you expect his support, if he wishes to maintain friendly relations with his brother.

The brother in law is a vile, bullying, immature imbecile.His grinning dog wife is not much better.
I think you need to tell your husband you have no plans to see them again.
Your husband is also feeding these troll like people with his silence. He needs to tell his brother his behaviour is not t acceptable. No one should be at the whimms and mercy of a p... taker.
Good luck, and make sure you make your position clear. The whole family sound like Morons.

Seems to me you have two problems here - your BiL and your husband. The first is easy to resolve. Cut off all contact. Don’t bother with just limiting contact - they are abusive to you and don’t deserve any consideration of their feelings. The second problem is more difficult. If you normally have a good relationship with him them inform him of what you are going to do and why. Ask why he hasn’t supported you previously as it’s obvious it upsets you. That may lead to opening into deeper problems in the marriage of course which you may have to deal with but it sounds like that conversation is well overdue. I wish you luck.