Daughters in laws

A lot of water under the bridge now, but for various reasons, I started off on the wrong foot with both sons’ in-laws. Daughter’s ex in-laws and I never had ‘problems’ as such, but I wouldn’t call any of them close friends. Co-incidentally, one of the in-laws has invited me over for curry and chips this coming Saturday.

Btw, wealth and social status are nothing to do with how you get on with the in-laws.

Tgran

Thank you all for your comments.

I want to make it clear that I get on very well with the in laws, no problem there at all, it’s just the ‘friends’ bit, it has not gone on to that level, and I feel that because of their lifestyle, I don’t fit in with them.

I am very very (eternally) grateful that they treat my daughter as one of their own, it could be so different I know.

I just wanted to see others relationships with in laws.

Aside from the inadequacy, I don’t have an awful lot in common with them, so there lies the lack of opportunity to connect.

And as a PP said I MUST stop comparing!!! It is the thief of joy..

Getting on well with people who treat your daughter nicely is really all that's needed. Connecting may be unnecessary?

Our daughters' parentsIL live at other ends of the country, we never see them, I'm not bothered. One widowed daughter is remarrying, both near 60 - I doubt we'll be "friends" with his elderly parents who live in Ireland. Matters not to us.

Yes, stop comparing! Comparing always makes me grumpy.

This We get on reasonably well with our son in law's family and meet up at family parties etc but we're not friends. They are totally different to us.
exactly, Kate.

I'm afraid our three married offspring have all chosen partners with very different parents to us.
I wouldn't have become a natural "friend" to any of them but we rub along as well as need be. I'm sure they wouldn't choose us as friends either - but we do "get along" fine - and because "getting on fine" is important we don't talk about anything which could become contentious.

They are all "better off" than us and have very different values and lives but that doesn't bother me. Unlike you, I don't "feel very inadequate" and I don’t "compare myself frequently."
As others have said, maybe this is the issue and your daughter is trying to protect you from your own feelings?
If you live close enough I wonder if you do grandchildren's birthdays together?

You say, Tgran that you "are wondering why we aren’t all friends?"
Ask yourself, do you actually want a friendship with them? Is it important to you? I ask as I think my parents and my in-laws met perhaps twice or three times ever. No animosity but not really a lot in common.

Thinking of you.

Trust your DD's instincts and keep her love, trust, and that of grandchildren if there are any. Time may change matters: we never can know.

My daughter's in-laws are very wealthy compared to me, in fact they paid for the wedding, which cost a stupid amount of money. I have only met them once since the wedding, that was last Christmas, when we met up at daughter's house to coo over my grandson. I wouldn't expect to meet up with them ever without my daughter and son-in-law being there. I only anticipate seeing them once or twice each year, maybe at Christmas/grandson's birthday party. I'm quite happy with that, as I don't think I have much in common with them, though they are pefectly nice.

DD’s FiL died soon after DD and SiL met and her MiL died about 4 years ago . They already had retired to Portugal but when we met MiL occasionally it was fine, doubt whether we would have been good friends though . She didn’t want to have any involvement with DGC and loved a very social party life !
DS in law’s became second parents to him as he met DiL when he was was 18 ( now 44) . However they never really wanted to mix with us or anyone else actually .They were a very close private couple . Sadly the much loved MiL died in her 60’s and FiL remains just a distant acquaintance.
I have a very good relationship with both DiL and SiL and they with me I think .
I agree that years ago when one often married a local person, families mixed more or even knew each other before.
My parents met my in-laws once - at the wedding!!

You are families 'in-law' and actually that can be a far cry from being friends.

Personally, although I am polite when we do meet at family gatherings, I wouldn't want to be 'friends' with my daughters in-laws and I am not being snobby, they are simply not my cup of tea.

Op

Also don't fall in the trap of "the grass is greener on the other side"

Money is not everything

We see our children’s in-laws at family gatherings - birthday parties for the grands and the like , and they’re friendly and we get along but we don’t ever see them socially outside of that no .