Grandfathers Are Important Too

You don’t help her see anything. In fact you back your way entirely out of the situation. This is on your son and his wife to work out - you do and say nothing. It’s not your hill, not your child, and not even your spouse. I would also stop sharing photos and videos without the parents consent immediately

A loving grandfather is as important as a grandmother, however it's for the son and his wife to sort this out. We do not know why she has had arguments with the grandad no doubt the son does. I think if you don't srand back you might become estranged. It's their child and don't interfere in anyone's marriage, you don't know the full story, I would not have my mil telling me what to do, its asking for trouble.

What are the reasons that your DIL doesnt like your ex? If you are objective, are they valid? Are there safeguarding concerns?

Unfortunately for you, its none of your business. I would suggest you stop sharing photos and videos if you do not have permission - your DIL will view it as you being against her, which, it seems you are.

I hope your son will benefit from therapy and then choose to follow through on what is best for his family.

Yes it does AmberSpyglass and as the OP says he's caught in the middle, at his wits end and seeing someone who he hopes will suggest ways to cope, it doesn't sound as if he's happy with the situation.

It sounds like the son is going along with it, though. Especially since the DIL is objecting largely to the way the father treats him.

I disagree. The child isn't her's s/he is theirs. I actively disliked my m.i.l. for several years and argued with her but she was my husband's mother, GM to our GC and a good one too, so it never entered my mind to say she couldn't see our children.

It is a I posted earlier up the the OP's son to sort out his own relationship with his father and if he wants his father to see his child, it's up to him to ensure he does.

I wonder how his wife would feel if he actively disliked and argued with her mother, and wouldn't allow her to see her GC.

If someone had told you you had to allow your son to see someone you actively disliked and who you had had arguments with how would you have reacted?
Your DIL is entirely within her rights to deny contact with her child to someone she dislikes. If your son doesn't like it it is up to him to sort it out.
As for passing photos etc on to your ex, be careful your DIL might not like that.

I would keep well out of it or you might end up not seeing your grandson yourself. Your son needs to find out what his wife's reasons are not you try to arbitrate.

It is nothing to do with you. Up to the parents to decide. If you persist in this you could be heading for estrangement.

Does your son get along with his father? Does he want him to be in his child’s life? This isn’t about whether or not grandfathers are important, it’s about whether or not this couple want this particular person in their child’s life.

This is not yours to sort. Allow your son to do his own relationships.

I agree you need to stay out of this and stop sharing things unless you have the parents permission to do so.

Also, I would add that if any of that stress and pressure on your son is coming from you, that needs to stop too.

His relationships are his to manage

I would stay out of it,she may get the hump and keep you away from the little one.
It`s up to your son and the grandfather to sort out.

Do you have permission from the grandchild’s parents to send photos and videos to your ex? If not, please stop. You could end up being estranged. This isn’t your battle to fight. Leave it to your son and his father.

If you son is happy for his father to see their child then he needs to put his foot down Keepitlight.

Any issues that your son has regarding how his father treats him are for them to sort out, not his wife. If she 'had "a few run-in with him" that's no reason for him to be kept away from his GC.

Your son can facilitate contact, he doesn't need his wife to be there too if she'd rather not see her f.i.l. so he needs to regain some control. Hopefully who ever he's seeing will help him to do so.

You don't, it is your son's responsibility to do so