Grandfathers Are Important Too

You don't, it is your son's responsibility to do so

If you son is happy for his father to see their child then he needs to put his foot down Keepitlight.

Any issues that your son has regarding how his father treats him are for them to sort out, not his wife. If she 'had "a few run-in with him" that's no reason for him to be kept away from his GC.

Your son can facilitate contact, he doesn't need his wife to be there too if she'd rather not see her f.i.l. so he needs to regain some control. Hopefully who ever he's seeing will help him to do so.

Do you have permission from the grandchild’s parents to send photos and videos to your ex? If not, please stop. You could end up being estranged. This isn’t your battle to fight. Leave it to your son and his father.

I would stay out of it,she may get the hump and keep you away from the little one.
It`s up to your son and the grandfather to sort out.

I agree you need to stay out of this and stop sharing things unless you have the parents permission to do so.

Also, I would add that if any of that stress and pressure on your son is coming from you, that needs to stop too.

His relationships are his to manage

This is not yours to sort. Allow your son to do his own relationships.

Does your son get along with his father? Does he want him to be in his child’s life? This isn’t about whether or not grandfathers are important, it’s about whether or not this couple want this particular person in their child’s life.

It is nothing to do with you. Up to the parents to decide. If you persist in this you could be heading for estrangement.

I would keep well out of it or you might end up not seeing your grandson yourself. Your son needs to find out what his wife's reasons are not you try to arbitrate.

If someone had told you you had to allow your son to see someone you actively disliked and who you had had arguments with how would you have reacted?
Your DIL is entirely within her rights to deny contact with her child to someone she dislikes. If your son doesn't like it it is up to him to sort it out.
As for passing photos etc on to your ex, be careful your DIL might not like that.

I disagree. The child isn't her's s/he is theirs. I actively disliked my m.i.l. for several years and argued with her but she was my husband's mother, GM to our GC and a good one too, so it never entered my mind to say she couldn't see our children.

It is a I posted earlier up the the OP's son to sort out his own relationship with his father and if he wants his father to see his child, it's up to him to ensure he does.

I wonder how his wife would feel if he actively disliked and argued with her mother, and wouldn't allow her to see her GC.

It sounds like the son is going along with it, though. Especially since the DIL is objecting largely to the way the father treats him.

Yes it does AmberSpyglass and as the OP says he's caught in the middle, at his wits end and seeing someone who he hopes will suggest ways to cope, it doesn't sound as if he's happy with the situation.

What are the reasons that your DIL doesnt like your ex? If you are objective, are they valid? Are there safeguarding concerns?

Unfortunately for you, its none of your business. I would suggest you stop sharing photos and videos if you do not have permission - your DIL will view it as you being against her, which, it seems you are.

I hope your son will benefit from therapy and then choose to follow through on what is best for his family.

A loving grandfather is as important as a grandmother, however it's for the son and his wife to sort this out. We do not know why she has had arguments with the grandad no doubt the son does. I think if you don't srand back you might become estranged. It's their child and don't interfere in anyone's marriage, you don't know the full story, I would not have my mil telling me what to do, its asking for trouble.

You don’t help her see anything. In fact you back your way entirely out of the situation. This is on your son and his wife to work out - you do and say nothing. It’s not your hill, not your child, and not even your spouse. I would also stop sharing photos and videos without the parents consent immediately

Smileless2012

Yes it does AmberSpyglass and as the OP says he's caught in the middle, at his wits end and seeing someone who he hopes will suggest ways to cope, it doesn't sound as if he's happy with the situation.

And perhaps he’s not - but that is 100% for him to work out with his spouse not for grandma too but into

Yes I agree Grams2five and haven't suggested that the OP does get involved.

The problem is your son's not yours. If he has any self -respect or sense of justice he will inssit to his wife that the boy should know his grandfather. She doesn't have to see him, but your son could take him orund to see his grandfather once a month or other such arrangement.

Agree M0nica, the child's mother's personal dislike shouldn't be a deciding factor if dad's happy to see his own father and for the child to see him too.

I can only repeat what others have said. This is for your son and DIL to work out.

Depending on the nature of the “run ins” with your ex, and how it is he treats your son, she may very well be right to, as you say, “not allow your grandson to come to his own opinion about his grandfather.” If there are real concerns then it is for her, as your grandchild’s parent, “to try and control it”.

It’s impossible to say as it really depends on the background to the current situation.

The value of a grandpa to a family is often underappreciated. These should not be overlooked. Grandfathers are a great source of knowledge and direction for their grandchildren because of their years of experience and insight. Grandfathers can be a great comfort and source of affection for their grandchildren. They can teach children about the value of love, loyalty, and tradition. Grandfathers are a vital element of the family unit and should be honored for their contributions.

Grams2five

You don’t help her see anything. In fact you back your way entirely out of the situation. This is on your son and his wife to work out - you do and say nothing. It’s not your hill, not your child, and not even your spouse. I would also stop sharing photos and videos without the parents consent immediately

Agreed. You set yourself up for trouble by interfering in any way or giving pictures not yours to give. Stop meddling.

Let your son do what's necessary to sort this with his wife.

Important the child has happy parents. GP are nice extras.

There seems to be a bit of back story here. What are the 'run ins'? And how does he treat his son? Maybe your DIL doesn't like seeing her husband being badly treated.

Of course do nothing, it's between him and his dad to sort out.