Getting 'told off' by DH anyone else experienced this strange behaviour?

GagaJo

I'd tell him to f*ck off.

Me too.
Luckily my dh isn’t a grumpy old git.

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fancythat

Is he angry about things? His life?

another possibility could be the beginnings of that dreadful disease we have mentionned so often recently.

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Nicegranny’s post is in answer to Kalu’s post about her mother. 😳

It may be the start of something but not necessarily. My husband has become irritating, Like a combination of Meldrew and Doc Martin.
Walk away, or tell him to be quiet, you're not interested.

That did occur but the O/P mentions he's always been rather that way

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Hi Curiousdan ,

I'm very sorry to read about your husband's bullying and controlling tactics .

I wonder if he's actually not well and it's why he's so intolerant .

Whether he's unwell or just spoilt and selfish - either way please don't allow him to dominated you .

If your life and it's precious .

Madgran77 has given you some great advice .

male family members.

Thank you to those who understood my post and replied on my behalf.

An unnecessary and nasty response nicegranny

Poppyred

Nicegranny’s post is in answer to Kalu’s post about her mother. 😳

Which you have obviously misunderstood.

I told him to write a list of things I can and can't do and I will try to abide by it!

I do hope you meant that sarcastically Curiousdan!

Get him to write out 500 times "I must leave my spectacles in a safe place, it's my own fault if they get broken".

That should keep him busy and quiet for a bit.

Message withdrawn as it quotes a deleted post.

Yes, best ignored Kalu
There’s nowt as queer as folk

No need for that, 'Nicegranny*. I'm not sure what you were getting at, and why you singled out Kalu's response, so I wonder if you meant to come across as you did. Perhaps you could explain what you mean/

Re the grumpy husband - I know a few people who struggled at the beginning of retirement, as both partners have to adjust to not being in their work role. I did have to point out to mine that he is not in charge at home, and that I do not need to be supervised or refer decisions to him. Maybe yours is still adapting to the change of dynamics, OP?

My DH wasn't grumpy when he retired (well, no more than usual) but he was rather lost and needed to manage and be in charge.
I don't need managing 🙂 so I suggested he find some voluntary work to do then found he was never at home.

Every now and then my husband can be a bit like OP's. When he is I just remind him that he's behaving very like his father used to toward his mother, this does the trick and he's back to being Mr Nice Guy again.

On the envelope of his Valentine Card this year I put 'To my own Victor Meldrew'...he didn't comment but smiled wryly!

One Foot In The Grave was so popular because Victor Meldrew struck a chord with so many .

Mine's not too bad, but when he is I veer between ignoring it and taking GagaJo's response. I do think that some of them are a bit lost - for decades they've been in whatever role they had at work, then suddenly they aren't, and there is no job description. It's true for us as well though, which can be easy to forget.

I don't think losing your role entitles you to take it out on your wife though.

(As you say, it's true for many of us too, but do we take it out on husbands and family? Maybe some do: its easy to see problems in another not ourselves. I'm not referring at all to the O/P Curiousdan!!!! But some families unfortunately do have abusive family members so its actually a norm )

Surely in a good enough marriage this can be discussed openly - outlets found for that loss. The O/P's husband in only 67.

If there are other factors involved, like serious illness, different altogether - then most of us are ill prepared really unless its been with us earlier in life and part of what's normal- but this doesn't appear to be a factor in the O/P.

Oh, I wasn't suggesting that the OP's husband's behaviour is acceptable, just that it's probably not unusual. Most of us are polite to one another in front of others, as a rule - it's embarrassing to witness squabbling between couples. As I said, if mine started bossing me about he'd be given short shrift.

I don't believe my husband is entitled to be nasty. No matter if he ever retired fully. Retirement is a stupid red herring, we all work at something.

He may play golf or tennis, scream at his scores. He may go in one of his sheds, potter round. He may read, do computer, cook. Anything.

But not this man. I'd draw a line, say what I'd accept. End of.

I Am Not Saying That He Is Entitled To Be Nasty! .

I just don't think that people always realise that retirement is a big step (and I certainly don't think it is 'stupid' to recognise that). Leaving a role where you are a 'something' - whatever it is - and changing to being without portfolio can be difficult after many years. I am not saying it is a free pass to be nasty, but that it might explain the behaviour, although it doesn't excuse it.

Doodledog

I Am Not Saying That He Is Entitled To Be Nasty! .

I just don't think that people always realise that retirement is a big step (and I certainly don't think it is 'stupid' to recognise that). Leaving a role where you are a 'something' - whatever it is - and changing to being without portfolio can be difficult after many years. I am not saying it is a free pass to be nasty, but that it might explain the behaviour, although it doesn't excuse it.

We all work, not always for pay, we all have roles. I don't see my husband's role as any different to mine. We both work, mine allows his.

Thus my notion that retirement is a stupid red herring.

However, I'll drop stupid and change to unnecessary.

Curiousdan It’s about time you told him to f……. Off in the nicest way