DH’s friend made a pass at me, should I let it it go?

It sounds to me like he may have fronto temporal dementia.
The behavior variant. If so he can't help it, it's a known symptom of this terrible disease which changes a persons personality. They themselves are not aware that they are being inappropriate but their Carers ( usually their wife) will definitely know and feel like their marriage and life is over until they get a diagnosis and then everything falls into place.

sodapop

Sometimes men behave inappropriately with the onset of dementia and sometimes they just think they can get away with it because they are older.

Maybe you should point that out to him next time you see him.
Make him think,
1. his behaviour is totally wrong, crass and unacceptable and
2. Maybe he genuinely needs to see his GP.
Either way you are doing him a favour, and protecting other women !

Yeuch. I'd be watchful and ready for his next touchy moment, an tell him to keep his hands to himself, maybe raising your voice

Oh for goodness sake. It’s bad enough hearing the youngsters think everybody in trousers is after them. Really has life not taught us how to deal with this. Time for the grown ups to take over from the very very sensitive folk. Just can’t believe you’ve got to Granny age without having a thicker skin.

It is a form of sexual abuse but I have experienced women flirting with my husband in front of me. I have a friend who lost his wife a few years ago and within a short time was inundated with food being taken round - offers of meals etc, so it works both ways. Ignore it, but if it happens again point out that his behaviour is unacceptable and cut him dead.

Ignore it
For goodness sake
Why would it be a big deal?
If it offends you why not just say firmly 'Please don't do that' and move away.

pascal30

just hit him on the head with your handbag if he tries it again!!

I think this makes sense. A good old-fashioned response to outdated behaviour!

You did the right thing by moving away from. I’d continue to keep distance and forget about it. It’s probably just who he is, some flirty old guy.

If there are no other indications that it may be dementia, he probably ( not definitely) just doesn't understand boundaries and probably didn't intend it to be a pass or sexual interaction. Women should not have to accept this, laugh or shrug it off, however, as it isn't acceptable. This could also be a huge trigger for a woman who has suffered sexual harassment or abuse. I'd definitely tell my husband ( as I think the OP did). If it happens again, I would say something to him or even ask your husband to do so if that seems appropriate. Women should definitely not have to use humour or give "as good as they get" to deal with this. No unwanted touching!

I can't believe some of the replies on here making light of it.
Of course he was wrong to touch the OP in this way, and her complaining about it is totally justifiable.

I’m wondering what sort of activities a group of people with ages ranging from 18 to 85 can possibly get up to?

Coco51

Sparklefizz

sodapop

Seems like a minor incident in the light of reported behaviour from the Dalai Lama today. Allegedly asking a child to suck his tongue.

Yes, this was disgusting!!! Yuk!! I saw the photos online, and feel very disappointed in the Dalai Lama as I previously had a lot of respect for him.

This is a traditional greeting in Tibetam culture. It was a misunderstanding.

Well I won’t be visiting there any time soon!

He was just being silly. If I was offended I would have told him
But I would just have shrugged it off and dodge him next time.

Why do so many posters never return?

Why do you think somebody who used to teach in a university should know better? University lecturers often hit on their female students - or at least they used to do when I was a student.

Hetty58

Just let it go - of course. Some people always misbehave in a 'jokey' manner, others may be starting with dementia and lose their inhibitions. Tickling your ribs isn't sexual touching anyway.

What’s the bet he wouldn’t behave in such a “jokie” manner to a man though would he.
No.
Why should a woman have to put up with it and act as if he’s done nothing wrong.
The man is an old letch and should learn to keep his hands to himself!

I wouldn’t like any man who was not my husband touching me, but I recall that as a younger feminist women were prepared to deal with any man with wandering hands. I would soon deal with that sort of nonsense. Now of course it depends on the situation. If you are upset let the person know but this sounds like a minor incident where an old man crosses a boundary. I know my opinion is open to disagreement, but I shake my head about kerfuffles like the MP who touched a woman’s knee in a bar in the H of C and she made a meal out of it. Strong women can deal with situations like that! We ARE the smart gender. Men are sometimes really stupid at recognising boundaries at times and need putting in their place without creating fuss.For creeps like Epstein this does not apply. He deserved a very long prison sentence but he killed himself . Nobody wept for him deservedly.

A bit over sensitive I think.

He didn’t touch you in a sexual manner.
Ok, he did try to tickle you, but it could have been worse.

Silly old man, not a sexual predator.

Unfortunately my brother -in-law ( 83 ) is like this. Every sentence he utters to me when we’re alone is an innuendo….I’m 11 his junior and always been aware he fancies me ( I’ve been knocking him back for 55 years!!!) …my sister who is also 11 years my senior refuses to accept his behaviour has always worried me. She’s in poor health and we rely on him driving for us to see each other ( 40 miles away) ….but I’ve put off last couple of visits ….I would have thought these ‘oldies’ could just leave it alone….but they’re always trying to ‘prove a point’….so sad aren’t they!?

Some elderly men have always been like this. I remember being warned when aged 8 onwards, not to get too close to an elderly male relative and to wriggle out of it if he grabbed us too close.
Startle reaction sounds good. The sharp look if on a subsequent occasion you see the same old bloke gleefully making a beeline.

I would suggest not making a big thing out of actions and comments from a silly old man. A shame the surprise element meant you didn't put him straight at the time but if it happens again just tell him to never touch you or to make such inappropriate comments again. He'll probably call you a prude and say it was just a joke but hopefully it won't happen again. Good luck.

With him or her

Even if a person has dementia, there should be somebody with him to prevent this

Why do women have to put up with this?
Having a disease is not a free pass and catch all for bad behaviour

I think its a generational thing. As said a lot of old men are like this. I'd just forget it, smile and say 'no touching'.

It could be a sign of dementia, inappropriate behaviour and lacking boundaries can be part of this horrendous disease. A man in our village started of by telling inappropriate stories and jokes that he might previously told to a group of men he was more familiar with.

He showed no other signs of dementia at the beginning but as we know not all dementias are the same or progress in the same way, they are all individual cases.