I have a mobility problem and my husband's angry all the time

Your husband doesn’t sound very emotionally intelligent. I hope you have other family and friends to support you. Don’t try to force your recovery, it will take as long as it takes. He’s showing you what he’s like so believe him and put your efforts into your self. Don’t waste time trying to change his stance . Even if you heal he’s shown he’s not reliable where your health is concerned.

That's abusive behaviour.

The more I see and hear of men, the more I prefer dogs

As far as I know, but I am no medical practioner, bone spurs can be removed surgically, so ask for a referral to an ortheopedic surgeon.

Next, or rather first, sit you partner down and tell him that you too are cross that all your lovely plans for your retirement have gone down the drain due to what may unfortunately prove to be a permanent disability.

Point out as clearly as possible that his disappointment taking the form of anger with you is not making the situation any better. And frankly his remark along the lines of "what use are you?" is unforgivable and that any repetition of that kind of behaviour will lead to you either leaving him, or at the very least to your demanding you both attend counselling.

You are being as kind and unselfish as you can by encouraging him to go out and take part in his hobbies, even although you no longer can either share them or do very much else than sit dealing with pain.

You need to know that he sympathises with you and is willing to help you, as judging by what your doctors say, this condition will continue for the rest of your life. You have basically been told to grin and bear it, and he will basically have to do the same, if he still loves you, that is.

I hope and trust you won't have to just grin and bear it - my aunt had a bone spur sucessfully removed at around your age and never had any trouble with it afterwards, so I hope you can too.

Whether your partner will pull up his socks and stop behaving like a sulky child, I don't know, but my guess is that he won't unless you make it painfully clear to him that you are not going to put up with his bad behaviour - you have enough making you unhappy right now.

I do see both sides of the coin here. My friend took her mum in to live with her when she was fit and able to get about. Her health is now declining with mobility issues and my friend who’s 62 is resentful about how her life is being held back and put on hold.She doesn’t want to be a carer, also said she doesn’t want to sit about house all day vegetating she wants to enjoy her retirement it’s very awkward situation for all involved.

Your husband is being incredibly selfish imo and needs a good kick up the backside!
On a calmer note I would say try to talk to him and point out that however bad he feels about your disability and the limits it's put on future plans, you feel a thousand times worse about not being mobile and on top of that you're also in considerable pain. Maybe you can then arrange to see a specialist together to find out if there is a solution even if you might have to go privately and pay for treatment.

I am so sorry to hear of your dilemma, I truly am. I am one of the lucky ones, my Disibility has come to the situation of my purchasing a power wheelchair, my husband of 66 years is now chief cook and bottle washer. He doesn’t complain and regularly tells me he loves me. I am SO lucky and thank God for all my blessings. I hope things improve for you, that your partner will understand your feelings and accept your situation.

Reading about how emotionally frail he is in the midst of your ailment, you can almost read the writing on the wall as to how he would be acting if he had the disability instead of you.

That statement does not address your present situation, tho… that was a thought bubble of mine.

I’d definitely seek out a second or third opinion by bringing him along on the consultation.

If you can find a Female Dr who answers your questions and helps in pursuing treatment (not just 2 yr physio!) it might be a more beneficial outcome for you.

Your husband has to walk the walk with you.
Good luck 🍀
USA Gundy

I feel for you so much, a couple of summers ago I got Plantar fasciitis in both feet, it happened so suddenly in a Zuma class. One heel developed into a supr. I was in agony I remember my granddaughter helping me along on a hot day and I was in tears. I felt so low, I felt like I had gone from being an active happy go lucky person to an old helpless old lady overnight.
I was also told not much they could do and I needed to manage it. I joined a support group on Facebook, I got anti anti-inflammatories from the doctor. I also found Boots freeze spray helped as well. I gave up Zumba, running and
walking but the Facebook group all suggested exercising and stretching the foot as much as possible. It was also suggested to taking up other forms of excises for a while that excerised the legs and took pressure of the bone. I got a bike and took up swimming. After a while I walked as much as I could too witch supporitive shoes. ( i was in agony at first ). I was not overweight but I lost weight as advised. That was two years ago and while I do still get attacks they not so bad and dont last as long, I do not live in pain day and night and live a healthy active life.
As for your husband I do not really know the answer. I am a widow but I know my husband would have supported me and helped me, but that doesn’t help you. Can you get him to join a support group so he could gain a bit of insight/ empathy? Can you research it together, maybe if he could see an outcome or a prognosis it might help him to process it.
I could sit here and say he is uncaring pig, leave him, but only you know if this is typical. If it is, then you deserve more respect and maybe you should consider other options long term . If it’s not typical and he is a good husband to you than maybe he just feels sad, and feels like he is losing his active wife that shared things with him, if this is the case including him might help .
Don’t give up hope I know there is more than can do than they first say. Try the freeze spary good luck.

pinkjj27

I feel for you so much, a couple of summers ago I got Plantar fasciitis in both feet, it happened so suddenly in a Zuma class. One heel developed into a supr. I was in agony I remember my granddaughter helping me along on a hot day and I was in tears. I felt so low, I felt like I had gone from being an active happy go lucky person to an old helpless old lady overnight.
I was also told not much they could do and I needed to manage it. I joined a support group on Facebook, I got anti anti-inflammatories from the doctor. I also found Boots freeze spray helped as well. I gave up Zumba, running and
walking but the Facebook group all suggested exercising and stretching the foot as much as possible. It was also suggested to taking up other forms of excises for a while that excerised the legs and took pressure of the bone. I got a bike and took up swimming. After a while I walked as much as I could too witch supporitive shoes. ( i was in agony at first ). I was not overweight but I lost weight as advised. That was two years ago and while I do still get attacks they not so bad and dont last as long, I do not live in pain day and night and live a healthy active life.
As for your husband I do not really know the answer. I am a widow but I know my husband would have supported me and helped me, but that doesn’t help you. Can you get him to join a support group so he could gain a bit of insight/ empathy? Can you research it together, maybe if he could see an outcome or a prognosis it might help him to process it.
I could sit here and say he is uncaring pig, leave him, but only you know if this is typical. If it is, then you deserve more respect and maybe you should consider other options long term . If it’s not typical and he is a good husband to you than maybe he just feels sad, and feels like he is losing his active wife that shared things with him, if this is the case including him might help .
Don’t give up hope I know there is more than can do than they first say. Try the freeze spary good luck.

Sorry about typos, I have just had eye Surgery and have one eye covered in a patch, so I am a bit more useless than normal on a keyborad.

Definitely push to be referred to a specialist. I was told at 60 by my GP that my ankle pain was just arthritis so to manage the pain. I love walking and playing badminton and it was impacting on my life considerably. After speaking to a more sympathetic doctor at my practice who suggested a steroid injection that didn’t touch it and a course of physio that I just couldn’t do, my physio asked why I’d not had an X-ray and I said it was because the doctor said it would only show arthritis. Within the week she’d referred me for an X-ray that showed stage 4 arthritis. 5 years later I have just had a total ankle replacement which I hope is going to give me more mobility and no pain. I’m so annoyed with my original GP as this delayed everything by 5 years
Hopefully there is surgery that might help you

Is he never ill? If he is, does he expect you to be sympathetic?

First of all - a hug - this must be horrible - you have lost your pleasure in walking too! I'm guessing he's very little experience of pain and disability, so hasn't developed empathy. That might have to change. Read about possible causes of spurs. If you can do anything with self help - diet, supplements, exercises - get right on it. Operation to remove possible? Ain't Gransnet great. Here's a start for info, but agree with other posters too. www.verywellhealth.com/bone-spur-on-big-toe-5104764#:~:text=Causes%20of%20Bone%20Spurs%20in%20Feet&text=Bone%20spurs%20typically%20develop%20when,bone%20in%20the%20damaged%20area.

Maybe you could see a relationship counsellor? There might be things going on your husbands head you have no idea of.ma third party could take the head out is a difficult conversation

I wonder if there was someone in his childhood who had a big health problem - a wild guess! but if that happened he may have felt neglected while attention went to someone else. Whatever happened when he was a child, this does sound really hard for you and I guess it will be very hard to have a good conversation with him about it - so please consider getting help, maybe from Relate or some couples therapist - a sensible insightful uninvolved third person might help break you out of this painful place. If your husband sees it as a chance for him to be heard, as well as you, maybe he'd agree to this. Really worth a try before you consider ending the marriage.

I’m sorry to hear you’re having a tough time. Totally empathise as I’m struggling with mobility presently too. It really gets you down. Hopefully we’ll both see some improvements soon. However your partner is out of order speaking to you in that manner. My partner has hurt his back a few weeks ago. We’re both struggling presently! Hey ho. We’re just taking it one day at a time but not easy. Take care.

I have a similar situation having been diagnosed with peripheral neuropathy which also makes walking and even sleeping difficult. Not much chance of improvement and I’m going down the deep massage route.
Have you thought of going abroad for surgery? My daughter came to visit us in Cyprus for a weeks holiday and went home all ready to return a few weeks later for a hip replacement! Admittedly she’s only 40 but otherwise what a waste of her life. She had only managed to get in the queue for a cortisone injection, was already on crutches etc but told she’d be waiting about eight years on the NHS.
She had a fabulous orthopaedic surgeon and I’ll be phoning him myself to ask his freely given advice. He kept in constant contact with my daughter before and after, right through to the end of her recovery period.
I would think it worth exploring then hopefully you’d be able to join your husband once again. Good luck.

To an extent we have gone through this, I had an operation in 2007 and was left with an invisible disability. I was 41. My husband did not cope - and took some actions which have permanently affected our 'marriage'. We are still together, and he cares for me very well, but not as husband and wife. He is though my best friend, but I miss hugs and stuff x

Try to talk to him, although I really struggled as we never were a deep conversation couple. Explain that private surgery may solve the issue short term, or NHS longer term. Two years seems impossibly long to suffer so much pain. A visit to a Chiropractor who could make moulds for your shoes might help too. I wish you every luck and hugs xx

not a chiropractor. i would avoid them. risky woo.
a chiropodist/ podiatrist maybe.

I'm so sorry Margot. I've recently read that a castor oil compress can alleviate bone spurs. You put castor oil onto a cloth (just the middle third because it spreads) and bind it round the foot. Wrap it in cling film and put a sock on to keep it in place and try it overnight. It's cheap and easy to do and, who knows, it might help. Good luck.

Tbh is is sickening to read, what kind of a man is he? My husband had cancer for nine years, becoming more and more sick during those years, he was 61 at the time and his life as we knew it was over, mine too. I never once resented doing all the things he had once done, it I’m sure he did, though he never showed it. I love him and he loved me, it would have worked the same the other way round. What a nasty man tour DP is, sorry no excuses.

Watching this thread with interest, just for the medical support - although I'm very sorry that you have an unsupportive husband, OP. Do you think, rather than a face to face conversation, he'd respond better to a few words written out explaining how much pain you are in, it's a situation out of your control, and how unsupportive you are finding him, would help? Rather than him be on the defensive?

I've moved house / GP / Hospital Rheumatology and have what my Hospital Rheumatologists thinks is tendinopathy (Achilles heel) - an over the phone diagnosis in March as she signed me off from her care. Still waiting for the Hospital near me to give me an appointment and I can't tell you how painful it is (although, from posts here, I guess a lot of you already know). I was told in a letter in April I'll hear before 1st of June. I was out gadding over the weekend and this pain, it's "life limiting" - waiting for buses rather than walk any distance, cancelling plans for shopping etc. I'm walking differently too, much slower and "swaying" rather than walking; shoes are too tight on the one heel that feels swollen and hot. I simply cannot function any longer like this, I do a full time job, travel from Lincolnshire to London twice / three times a week. I cannot imagine how I would feel if I had an unsupportive partner on top of that.

My Hospital Rheumatologist did suggest a cortisone injection might help my foot pain: I've had a bursa on the base of my foot before and one of the two injections I have had in the past was little short of miraculous. Going to be on the phone to the local Hospital tomorrow, or go and sit at my GP's and bother them. Fed up and feel sorry for myself.

I have bone spurs in my spine and other painful spine conditions.I also walked everywhere and loved it.I was really fit and strong but now the pain from walking longer than a few minutes is agony. My partner and I split up from it. He couldn't understand that I was now disabled and would continue to suggest things to for us do that was easy for him and agonising for me. Within months he was gone. I told him I had enough to deal with for myself, what with my whole future completely changed and the person I had been all my life was gone. It devastated me and I couldn't deal with his lack of understanding. He never even looked at what my diagnosis entailed to even try to understand. I became the angry one and told him to go.He did.

Can you ask your doctor to refer you to possibly an orthopedic consultant. I had heel bone spurs when I was a teenager. I can't remember what treatment i received. But i know it involved insoles in my shoes. I have never been bothered since

I am so sorry for your plight. He doesn't sound full of the milk of human kindness.

If he loves you he will pay for surgery. If he doesn't, kick him into touch, as they say.

My sister did this after 37 years of unhappiness and had nothing but joy afterwards.