Ukrainian guests

They've suspended active search for a flat lest it incurs them financial loss??
That is a big red flag right there!!
Looking for a flat should only cost them petrol money or travel fares, at the most, so what is this financial loss they are talking about? Unless they don't want to pay a deposit & rent up front, although surely they'd get help with that?!!
Take them to your local council and housing associations and help them fill in forms and hand them in. Contact the agency that placed them with you and tell them you have to have the room back for your DD returning, and reiterate their 6 month stay has gone on for longer!
You'd think they would want to be with their own people at least some of the time.

Mirren
Redhead is right. I think you’ve been wonderful to host this family for these seven months but you do need to tell them to find other accommodation now. You can continue to support them in other ways when they move, but you need your home back now.

You and your family have been marvellous housing the family at a desperate time. But you need your life back to normal now you have done what you can. It’s not your responsibility to continue to keep them permanently.
Tell them you need your room back for your DD return home. Also tell them you will inform the agency who housed them with you to seek accommodation for them.

Hello, everyone. Please don't fight and argue. My post wasn't about the morality or ethics of war ,conscription or anything else .
It was,simply, about my own feelings of guilt at wanting my own space and home back after 9 months.
I have no idea why my young guest isn't fighting. As far as I understand, although we had watched the Russian military build up for weeks, Zelensky had played it down. The bombardment of Mariupol was sudden and horrendous. My little family sheltered for 4 days in a basement with no heating and no water with their 10 months baby.
On the morning of Day 4 a bus appeared and they got on. Later that day,Zelensky announced that young me were not to leave. I have not asked for more details. I don't want to know. I know if this was my own son , I would do anything to keep him safe, selfish though that seems.
I had not thought that this may be the reason for them not wanting to integrate. It could well be the case.
He does not have enough English to talk about this to me but does talk to people( family ,friends???) on line all day.
So , thank you for all your advice and helpful suggestions.
Again, please stop the comments about the war. ...or continue on another thread ,if you must 😆

Aveline

VioletSky it's totally bloody obvious that nobody ever wants to go to war. It's ten times braver then that they go and defend their country.

👏👏👏

VioletSky it's totally bloody obvious that nobody ever wants to go to war. It's ten times braver then that they go and defend their country.

My SiL accommodates a lot of Ukrainian families in his block of serviced apartments. They are almost all women with children and one or two old men. Some have been injured in bombing of their homes. They are a very quiet, rather sad group of people. The children attend local schools and some of the women have jobs others are looking for work. All want to go home.
They talk of 'Russian scums' which is somehow more expressive than the singular.

Not everyone is cut out or capable. Many will simply freeze. Many may have mental health problems or invisible illness that also would damage their survivability. Many will have personal beliefs that prevent them. Many will simply not wish to take a life knowing that there are many members of the opposing army who don't want to be there either.

I can't see the point of speaking badly of anyone who doesn't want to go to war, especially when we have no idea why they didn't

I agree this family is in the wrong for their behaviour but I will not condemn them over speculation and opinion, only for their behaviour in a household that has been kind and generous

When my father was eighteen years old he volunteered to join the army before he could be called up. He was trained and sent to war within three months. He fought in the front line in Holland, Belgium, and Germany. A few days before his nineteenth birthday he was shot by a sniper in the Reichswald Forest and had his shoulder shattered. He nearly bled to death but luckily was picked up in time and taken to the field hospital where he received emergency surgery. He survived.

Zelensky has asked his menfolk to fight for their country. Some women volunteered. My father didn’t run away and neither should they.
I learnt from my father that you have to stand up for what you believe is right.

It was sarcasm

VioletSky

Callistemon21

I've reported you, Violetsky

You go too far.

Yes this is a bit of a trend the last couple of days

But I don't think a little sarcasm is against guidelines

Goading may be.

Callistemon21

I've reported you, Violetsky

You go too far.

Yes this is a bit of a trend the last couple of days

But I don't think a little sarcasm is against guidelines

VioletSky
You obviously haven’t seen any footage of how the bloke with the desk job or the barber took up a gun and adapted very well to killing enemy soldiers who had bombed their country, killing thousands, kidnapped their children, tried to starve them,
It’s surprising how quickly you learn defending something you love, your country.

I've reported you, Violetsky

You go too far.

No then

VioletSky

Would you seriously be happy if it were your husband? Your son? Your grandson?

You'd just say "off you go dear, don't worry that you have had no training, I am sure you will be fine, see you in a few years, try not to lose too many appendages or your life if you can help it"

I won't dignify your goading with an answer.

Would you seriously be happy if it were your husband? Your son? Your grandson?

You'd just say "off you go dear, don't worry that you have had no training, I am sure you will be fine, see you in a few years, try not to lose too many appendages or your life if you can help it"

VioletSky

MerylStreep

VioletSky
So you believe that any country has the right to March into another country, armed and prepared to kill anyone who gets in their way and nobody should defend their country.
I think you know what the word is for people who think like you.

Wow

That was a gross comment

You have no idea how far I would go to defend my family and trust me, I would go a long way.

But no I don't think anyone should be conscripted. Killing isn't for everyone, it doesn't make them less. It makes them human. Those who survive and do not have the stomach for it always come home broken, as do some who do.

Sending the guy who worked a desk job his whole life or the guy who cuts people's hair into war with very little preparation and trading is just straight up target practice for any trained invading military.

And if not wanting to die is cowardly, well, many of us are getting more and more cowardly as we age then and I am one of the younger ones around here

Well, if everyone thought like that in 1939 then we would have been invaded by Germany.

Have you any idea what it is like to live in an occupied country?

Sorry, please don't answer - I think I'm about to derail the thread. Apologies.

Maddy, simply he seems to have got out in the initial chaos - like so many others.

Would you now send him back?

It was lovely of you to host them, but he shouldn’t even be here. Zelensky said men of fighting age weren’t allowed to leave Ukraine. I’m assuming he has no disabilities that would prevent him from fighting for his country.
H should return to Ukraine.

I would echo NotSpaghetti - set a date, say 2 months time, and stick to it.
We had to do this with a Syrian family who had outstayed their welcome. I'm glad we were very clear about the time limit. We helped them with the search and with kitting out a new home and we are on good terms. A grey 'future date' would have left too much uncertainty.

There are some unpleasant comments here Mirren ! You have been very generous and it is time now to speak up and give fair warning to this couple that you want your space back.
I would just say gently and casually just that. And then perhaps more formally with it written down giving dates you want them to work to. Openness and honesty although difficult initially will make it much less challenging.

MerylStreep

VioletSky
So you believe that any country has the right to March into another country, armed and prepared to kill anyone who gets in their way and nobody should defend their country.
I think you know what the word is for people who think like you.

What a terrible comment.

What is that word MerylS? If you have to say it- say it.

It is honestly quite sad to hear that kindness has been taken advantage of.

I would be asking them to move on too in these circumstances

Mirren you had a bad experience but what you did for these people is wonderful and I am sorry you didn't get the respect and appreciation you deserved