Ukrainian guests

If you go onto MumsNet there is a thread headed Support for those hosting Ukrainian refugees

I would get in touch with who you arranged for them to stay and ask them to rehome them.
Yes I think they are taking advantage of your kindness. It was suppose to be only for 6 months and I also thought it was women and children only.

How did this happen? Was there an agency involved? Are you committed to look after them for a certain length of time? If the maximum time was 6 months, you will need to get in touch with the age nay. Btw, it was very nice of you to ‘host’ them. I don’t think I could have strangers living in my house. Good luck !

I don’t think you’re alone Mirren. I have heard similar stories. Definitely get back to the organiser and let them sort this.
You have been very kind but I think you have done enough.

I have been helping a Ukrainian family with stuff for the social housing they have recently been allocated. There is a husband there too but not sure why. I thought they had to be either disabled or had several very young children to care for but neither seems to apply. He looks fit and healthy and they have a 4 year old and a 13 year old.

I think they are taking advantage too. You have done a very kind thing but it can’t carry on.
I didn’t think young men were allowed to leave Ukraine, they had to stay and fight unless, I assume, they were medically unfit. That doesn’t sound to be the case with this young man if he was able to do labouring work. Might this be a reason for the US application ‘being messed up’ and for they’re not socialising with fellow Ukrainians?
I think you need to contact the agency which placed them with you and get them rehoused.

Well done, Mirren for your kindness.

Is there a Ukrainian hub near you? Can you contact those in charge and ask what is the best way forward for you now as you will no longer have room for the family as your own family is returning to live with you?
That is a valid reason.

They will have contacts and know what accommodation is available.

Their not they’re.🙄

I didn’t think young men were allowed to leave Ukraine, they had to stay and fight unless, I assume, they were medically unfit. That doesn’t sound to be the case with this young man if he was able to do labouring work. Might this be a reason for the US application ‘being messed up’ and for they’re not socialising with fellow Ukrainians?

My thoughts too.
I think the people attending our local hub are mostly women and children. If their menfolk are still fighting back home (or worse) they may not look kindly on a fit young man in their group.

We know people who did their 12 month stint accommodating a Ukranian family, including the husband. In the end they had to pretend to put the house on the market in order to get the family rehomed. They felt sorry for the family because the little boy had settled at school, and will now be 60 miles away, but they felt they had exhausted their hospitality. At least they made it coincide with the school holidays for the family to move without too much stress.
The house is now off the market!

It seems that your good nature and hospitality is being abused. You are no doubt a very nice person who would hate any confrontation and I’m sure this sadly encourages their attitude to liveing in your home. I suggest you get in touch with whoever set this up and tell them you need your home back now. Be strong and remember you have done a very good thing opening your home but now that’s going to end. Good luck

For goodness sake, they are not helping themselves ask them to leave.

Thank you for your kind responses, everyone.
I have to say that we too wondered how the young man got out. He is not alone. His friend and brother are also here and in the US. As far as I could tell they spent 4 days being bombarded in a Mariiupol basement when a bus appeared and they left. It seems to have been the same day President Zelensky banned young men from leaving. Lucky?

No good deed goes unpunished.

I doubt that the young man would be welcome amongst local Ukrainians whose young men were unable to leave but had to stay and fight, and may not have survived. He probably has a guilty conscience and maybe his wife is in a difficult situation too as regards meeting up with other Ukrainians. Seeing what the men who stayed have experienced, I don’t have any sympathy. He is hiding because he has a guilty conscience. I wouldn’t harbour him a day longer than I had to. There’s a big difference between luck and cowardice.

This isn't the first story of this kind that I've read about. You have been wonderfully kind Mirren but now your daughter is coming home and you need the room. This is the point to put across.

That’s harsh GSM you have no idea why the young man is here there could be a dozen reasons that you don’t know to just label him a coward is not fair without more information
Yes he might be a waster but he also might have valid reasons

However to get back to your problem I think Sparklefizz is right you have to explain to them that your daughter is coming home in x number of weeks and they have to move on and then offer to help the find a flat and stick to your guns
You ve done your bit

Why is it suddenly a good idea for men to be forced to go to war again?

It is akin to slavery

No one should be forced to fight

As for them not socializing wrh other Ukranians, there is more than meets the eye

Some newcomers just socialise with their own people and may not want to join the mainstream society
I have sadly plenty of times

As for them overstaying - that was my worry about good samaritans doing a good deed

We hosted a family of four Ukranians for seven and a half months before they moved into their own rented accommodation. They live two minutes walk away and we see them regularly at least once every week. Thedad w orks full time and mum works at the weekend. Dad was able to come because he was working in Poland ( as pay better than Ukraine) . He simply didnt go back and his family joined him initially in Poland. With a 4 year old and a 2 year old we don't blame him for leaving and not fighting.
For us there was very little support. No agency to contact and ask to rearrange accommodation!
We are very glad we did it. We have formed life long bonds with the family I believe. We certainly had our difficult moments with a lively 4 and 2 year old in the house.
Well done Mirren for taking in this family. I think you need to sit down with your DH and tell this couple your DD is coming home and give them say a two month notice of them having to leave. Set a definite date . Stick to it and dont waiver. Hope all works out ad they can depart with good relationships between you all

VioletSky

Why is it suddenly a good idea for men to be forced to go to war again?

It is akin to slavery

No one should be forced to fight

It's not our idea. Who said it was a good one?

However, this is what people will do for freedom if they feel it is the right thing to do.

Have you not been watching the news?
🤔

VioletSky
So you believe that any country has the right to March into another country, armed and prepared to kill anyone who gets in their way and nobody should defend their country.
I think you know what the word is for people who think like you.

MerylStreep

VioletSky
So you believe that any country has the right to March into another country, armed and prepared to kill anyone who gets in their way and nobody should defend their country.
I think you know what the word is for people who think like you.

Wow

That was a gross comment

You have no idea how far I would go to defend my family and trust me, I would go a long way.

But no I don't think anyone should be conscripted. Killing isn't for everyone, it doesn't make them less. It makes them human. Those who survive and do not have the stomach for it always come home broken, as do some who do.

Sending the guy who worked a desk job his whole life or the guy who cuts people's hair into war with very little preparation and trading is just straight up target practice for any trained invading military.

And if not wanting to die is cowardly, well, many of us are getting more and more cowardly as we age then and I am one of the younger ones around here

Except that without conscription under any of its guises Ukraine would have fallen to Russian aggression within days or weeks.
Expecting others to take all the risks to life and limb seems a bit arrogant and entitled to me. Unless of course you're perfectly happy with living under Russian rule. Thankfully Ukraine seems to have a large proportion of decent men who were prepared to do their part in defending their country and all its citizens, even the ones who thought they were too 'special' to be put at risk.

This is not a story or debate about conscription or not (where some nasty and unnecessary remarks have been made) it's about helping someone get their home back after a period of generosity.

I would not personally use the "excuse" of the need for the room in 2024 as they will try to find a way round it - and it's another 6 months away- and they will probably say they will share a room (or whatever).

I would say the truth - you are weary of having another family in your home and had agreed to 6 months and now they need to go. They need to recommence a search for accommodation.

Seek advice from the council. Tell them how you feel.
Do not let yourself roll over.