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(49 Posts)
Lucyloo12 Mon 21-Aug-23 09:23:04

After a disastrous relationship last year I have relocated nearer my family. Its a beautiful part of the country, lovely house and newly retired. I would like to meet someone but drawing a blank. Have tried Internet dating... met a couple of nice men but after a few meetings they say they feel comfortable with me and want to embark on more but I lose interest! They just don't give me that heartbeat moment. There's always something they do I don't like.... smoke, don't match me financially (this sounds shallow but from experience will give problems), too old, dodgy personality with exaggerations or obvious lying, and generally unappealing. I'm getting very disillusioned. I am not perfect but am trying to have standards and self respect and not settle with obvious red flags. Am I doomed to be a crazy cat woman at 62? How on earth am I to meet someone. I don't want marriage... just a like minded partner to enjoy life with. Is this too much to ask for? How have you met your ideal mate in later years? Help would be much appreciated.

Katie59 Mon 21-Aug-23 09:39:37

You may have to meet a lot of frogs before you meet your Prince Charming.

Keep trying.

Hetty58 Mon 21-Aug-23 09:41:52

I've relied on friends and family for company - since about 60 years old. I have no wish for a closer relationship with anyone. In fact, I don't think I'm capable of making adjustments, changing my ways or having enough understanding to manage it.

I really enjoy the freedom to do exactly what I want, when I want, without having to consider anyone else. I feel quite contentedly 'complete' without any 'other half'. I have a dog and a cat - enough for me!

sassysaysso Mon 21-Aug-23 09:47:50

I became a crazy cat woman in my 30s and haven't looked back. It's not for everyone though

Luckygirl3 Mon 21-Aug-23 09:50:18

a like minded partner to enjoy life with. - let me know if you find one!

Seriously I think the only thing to do is to develop your life as a single woman and in the process you might/might not meet someone who fits your bill.

You don't have to go down the stereotype of "Mad cat woman" - that is pretty insulting to those of us who have lost our partners and are trying to make a new life for ourselves!

I think there are dating sites for people over 60.

Lucyloo12 Mon 21-Aug-23 09:56:04

Luckygirl3 so sorry I didn't mean to insult those that have lost partners. I lost my partner too some years ago and have tried to rebuild my life ever since.

mumski Mon 21-Aug-23 09:58:10

We are both in a similar situation Lucyloo12.
I've got a first date on Wednesday (through a website) and finding the idea alternatively daunting and "can I be bothered?"
I just know I don't want to go through another winter on my own.
I'll look with interest at your replies. Good luck x
P.S I've already got the cat hmm

Lucyloo12 Mon 21-Aug-23 10:00:01

I've tried dating sites. Perhaps my judgement is off... I have come across scammers, liars and cheats.

Lucyloo12 Mon 21-Aug-23 10:02:03

Mumski hope you have better luck, I'd love to know how it goes. There must be someone out there smile

Georgesgran Mon 21-Aug-23 10:04:03

Can only agree with other posters. Why not just adjust after last year’s disaster and enjoy your own life in your new surroundings for a while? Don’t jump out of the frying pan into the fire!
Are you anxious about being on your own? You’ve just moved, so time to build up your own life first. You’ll find a lot of us on GN actually enjoy the freedom of living alone, without ties, brings.

You could try a dating site, but I’d settle down and take stock first.

Patsy70 Mon 21-Aug-23 10:04:45

Maybe you’re trying too hard. Why not just enjoy the company of family and friends before embarking on another relationship? There are so many activities and clubs you could join to meet new people. Living close to family in a lovely home in a beautiful part of the country sounds pretty good.

luluaugust Mon 21-Aug-23 11:19:36

It does look like the club route, possibly a walking group. Basically just get out there I suppose. So often it seems to just come down to a chance meeting.

biglouis Mon 21-Aug-23 11:36:35

I agree about having to kiss a lot of frogs! I have very high standards myself. My grandmother once said "You will have to knit yourself one!" She was a very wise woman who did not undervalue herself.

Like OP I was not looking for marriage and certainly not children. I would have been quite happy with a "friend with benefits" whom I saw a couple of nights a week and maybe the odd holiday away. I was not looking for anything more serious. Unfortunately the men I met all wanted a higher level of committment than I was able or willing to offer. As soon as they began to mention meeting their family or children from a former marriage it was a red flag to me and I took a step back. One man whom I liked very much said "If you reject my family then you reject me." No, I dont agree with that. A relationship is between two adults. I am not interested in "family life" which comes across to me as a bit of a s**t show.

I am not a crazy cat woman as I dont have any pets. However I no longer feel the need to have a man in my life.

biglouis Mon 21-Aug-23 11:38:22

Yes I would agree with some of the posters upthread. Join some kind of interest group and take things from there.

annsixty Mon 21-Aug-23 11:40:17

Although I am very old I do know what you mean.
I am not lonely, I like my own company and my adult GD lives with me but I should love a companion, male or female for regular weekend evenings out with.
Just to go for a meal or an evening in having a takeaway.
I do do this occasionally with two different friends but they both have close family to do regular things with and I sometimes feel I am a stopgap for when they have nothing better to go to.
My D who is single, 50s, has joined a social group and she seems never to be in but they are all things I would not enjoy, except the meals out and she lives a long way from me.
I have probably left it far too late.

Grammaretto Mon 21-Aug-23 12:05:32

Some need to be part of a couple. I lost my DH to cancer after 51 years of a happy marriage and am learning to be single.
I am in no hurry to find another partner but maybe I would if I were 10 or 20 years younger.

Surely an interest group is the best way to meet someone with whom you'll have a lot in common?
If there isn't a group to your taste, start one!

Theexwife Mon 21-Aug-23 12:07:02

Use dating apps to meet one person every week to go somewhere with, it will give you a social life and the more you meet the more likely you are of finding someone to have more of a relationship with.

The problem for women is that men generally want someone younger to have a long-term relationship with that leaves women in their 60s with men in their seventies then you have to be careful that you are not going to become a carer.

SynchroSwimmer Mon 21-Aug-23 18:12:37

I would also advocate interest groups, and specifically activity holidays, particularly at this time of year.

I have met 4 very nice single chaps this way whilst on water based activity holidays…

Katie59 Tue 22-Aug-23 10:03:26

Common interest as you get older is even more important as you get older, my marriage ended because once the children left home we had literally no common interest. Once single I very quickly found a man with very similar interests, we are both semi retired and spend most of our time together, I was very lucky I wasn’t looking for a partner the offer of a date came out of the blue.p

Guesswhat Tue 22-Aug-23 10:21:51

You may think it’s a tired old cliché when you hear people say: “You’ll find someone when you’re not looking”. In my case it’s true, though.

I’d been widowed 5 years, had the cat, was still wearing my wedding ring and I had no wish to form a relationship with another man.

Despite all that, I met someone. And he’s been part of my life for 5 happy years now.

Live your life, enjoy going about with family and friends. Something might happen. I wish you all the luck in the world.

red1 Tue 22-Aug-23 11:51:54

ive known people desperately look for a partner with no luck,ohers met someone by chance. maybe it is destiny, maybe you have to do the legwork. who knows? good luck

TwinLolly Tue 22-Aug-23 12:10:17

I gave up dating sites due to scammers, ghosting, and being asked for naked photo; or usually the second message would turn to sex. One chap I went on a few dates with - a few things didn't "add up", and then I started to see potential warning signs. I followed a gut feeling and nipped it in the bud. I stopped seeing him and blocked him on my phone and media. I possibly got out of a potential abusive relationship.

I found a nice friendship website and corresponded with really nice people for a while. One of them was my now DH smile. He was worth waiting for!

Bea65 Tue 22-Aug-23 12:12:54

theexwife yes tend to agree.. men want younger models.. and in my experience great cooks- which I’m not.. 😀

ParlorGames Tue 22-Aug-23 12:15:05

After a very painful marriage (mentally and physically) I was on my own for a long time.
I never bothered with dating sites although I did go on a few Singles holidays which I really enjoyed.
After several years I did meet someone and we just clicked although neither of us was "looking" for a relationship.
Just relax and enjoy life, the right person will come along if they are meant to.

Jess20 Tue 22-Aug-23 12:19:13

Personally wouldn't try dating but I'd find an activity where I would meet like-minded folk, some of which will be male, and also develop a network of wider friendships - ramblers, pottery, scuba diving, life drawing, French, photography, upholstery, philosophy etc etc plus 'meet-ups' for everything from cinema to pub quizzes. Good luck x