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(33 Posts)
Oasthouse Sat 26-Aug-23 15:03:36

We moved into our house about 10 years ago and are just one of three properties. Our neighbour who is 20 years our senior and a widow was indifferent to us at first but over the years my husband and I have been kind, courteous and generous to her while still respecting her privacy. I have never had any family of my own and in a respectful way considered her a good friend who we look out for.
I was aware she had an unpleasant side but it was never directed at us except maybe once so we allowed her to vent her frustration about her issues and then move on.
A minor incident happened early this week which had her knocking on my door and spitting with rage, jabbing her finger at me, berating me and accusing me of complete nonsense in front of my husband.
I was deeply upset and embarrassed while my very mild mannered husband was furious.
I half imagined she would go away and reflect then offer up some sort of apology which has not happened.
I feel such a fool as I have always seen her through rose tinted glasses rather than the rather nasty sharp tongued woman that she really is.
My lovely husband in a moment of honesty told me that he had gone along with our generosity of kindness, time and outings etc because it made me happy but he would be equally happy to have her at arms length after this.
I think it would be fair after this to just remain as polite neighbours,
I am writing this just to put my sadness and upset somewhere else and if anyone would like to comment I would welcome any thoughts, many thanks xx

Callistemon21 Sat 26-Aug-23 18:17:10

Our neighbours are (mostly) great.

I do hope I don't start behaving oddly towards them 😲
If so, I hope they are kind but let my relatives know.

Callistemon21 Sat 26-Aug-23 18:18:26


biglouis - you are one bolshy lady ! I gather you are one of the youngest here - you have youth on your side - you will mellow with age 😂

Not necessarily, as obviously the one described in the OP has become worse with age, not more mellow.

Ziplok Sat 26-Aug-23 18:22:19

I think your husband is wise in suggesting you both now keep your distance from her. She certainly sounds as if she has a behavioural problem developing, be that dementia or something else. Leave her to her family, if she has any - you owe her nothing, really, though I do appreciate how upsetting you must find the turn of events considering that you had got on relatively well in the past. Leave her be now though, is my advice.

Ziplok Sat 26-Aug-23 18:23:19

People tend not to mellow with age is my experience!

Grammaretto Sat 26-Aug-23 18:37:16

What a shame! That her behaviour has turned so.
I will bet 10 years ago she was a delightful companion and now this
You must protect yourself, and DH.
At least you have good reason to avoid her.

MayBee70 Sat 26-Aug-23 19:48:39

I had a blocked drain today. Caused by a fat berg at the house four doors up inhabited by someone who will not answer her door and will only communicate by text. Her landlord has asked us to liase with her but we’ve said it’s his responsibility to make sure his tenants don’t block the drains. My poor neighbour was celebrating her 85 th birthday today and the morning was taken up with sorting the drain out ( her drain cover is actually in her utility room and was in danger of overflowing). Severn Trent said they couldn’t send anyone out till tomorrow….thankfully another neighbour managed to unblock it…every inhabitant of that house blocks the drains! Thankfully most of my neighbours are great, which is ne reason why I’m loathe to downsize….

Hetty58 Sat 26-Aug-23 20:34:02

She sounds just like my mother - who would make complicated arrangements involving others (often without even asking them) and somehow 'own' them, becoming really nasty when anything was changed or anyone objected.

I'd try to comply but often had a migraine with the stress of it all. Of course, I was accused of deliberately having migraines!