My daughter is about to move to Australia...

I get it Martine. I was in your shoes 11 yrs ago waving my DD and her then Australian boyfriend off at the airport.

Today, they are happily married and have a wonderful life. All I could have wished for her and her DH who is a huge part of our family.

We are in contact weekly or more FaceTime or family WhatsApp and they visit every year, having recently just returned after a six weeks visit. We just pick up where we left off.

We have two DDs and only last week both my girls and I had a long FaceTime catch up which felt as if we were in the same room. The strong bond and love we all have for each other hasn’t changed. She still turns to her Mum when she needs to.

I see more of our DD than some of my friends see their DDs who live near them.

All the effort of a loving childhood is what was worth it, she remembers it all.

I am really wondering why we try to build families if they are doomed to fall apart when the children are grown up. Why all this effort?
When we build our families there is no script to follow and no outcome to expect. The important thing is that they become independent and find happiness.
You will feel sad, but life is for living and you will adjust.

I can understand how you feel but give yourself a huge pat on the back for raising a strong independent daughter and let her go with your full support.

There is a Facebook page called Scattered Families where like minded people chat to each other. They all have families scattered across the world.
They also discuss various helpful coping strategies which may help you.
Stay strong, these feelings do become more manageable in time.

My son lives with his family in America. We still all keep in touch, with messages, phone calls, FaceTime etc.

We rear kids, hopefully, to grow wings and fly. I was sad to see my son go, but he's happy, got a great lifestyle (better than he'd have here), so I never say a word.

They all visit, along with their relatives and friends, once a year, and we have a lovely time.

Let them go, with your blessings, and keep the sadness for when they're not around. 💐

Three of my grans sisters emigrated when they were teenagers. Two of them she never saw again.
But they all wrote every week, those flimsy airmail letters, hundreds of photos were exchanged. I think we knew our distant family fairly well, and over the years, there have been a steady stream of their families visiting.
I know it’s sad, I would feel very sad, but you have to let them go.

Martine, this is your sadness, you’re entitled, and I understand your sentiments atm. You see your family splintering, and in some way it is as you grieve the ‘little and often’ visits that perhaps you’ve always had. What an amazing adventure for your daughter however. She may love Oz and the boyfriend long term or she may not. Comunicate often, she’ll be longing to share all this with you. The connection to home will be extra important as she adjusts to life in a new city and country. And for what it’s worth Melbourne is an amazing holiday destination for you!

We did it all those decades ago. It isn’t easy and she is very brave. Be proud of her willing to try a different life, you have brought her up to be independent and strong. We became a lot closer to our respective parents in some ways so hopefully this will happen for you .

Your family is not falling apart, it is evolving

Your daughter, as an adult, is spreading her wings

Your shock and disappointment is understandable - it will work out and you will adapt

I’m so sorry you are hurting. Please know she is confident to go have her adventure because she trusts your love for her and hers for you.
Please try to be happy for her

I hope you get past your heartbreak Martine and are happy for her
My DS emigrated to NZ about 15 yrs ago and sometimes I think I'm closer to him than to his brothers and sister who are still here. We talk often on WhatsApp and I look forward to his rare visits and my own even rarer ones.

Why all this effort?

So that we can give them roots and wings.

Years ago a letter took weeks and telephone calls had to be booked, especially at Christmas. Now we can see one another whilst we chat.

Covid lockdowns made travel more difficult but I hope, now restrictions are lifted, you can look forward to a visit over there, Martine.

I do sympathise but when you have thought this through calmly it’s not exactly a family “falling apart” especially not with modern communications. Anybody who emigrated to Australia in the days of long sea voyages was facing possibly never seeing their families for years and years, if ever again.
Family bonds are stronger than the miles which separate them
Last night I was part of a Zoom family celebration of my late BIL’s life - we were in Nova Scotia, Minneapolis, Boston, Shanghai, Toronto, Ontario, Sydney, England and Scotland but came together as if we were in the same room.
Two years may seem an eternity but it will fly past -we many of us coped with not seeing our families for two years during covid - and you can be in touch by FaceTime any time you like.
So be glad for your D , hope she will be happy and look forward to seeing them again.

No need to lose touch.
Planes go back and forth!
Budget for airfares. Use WhatsApp etc.

Martine4444, you can still keep in touch wherever she is. We use text, email, Zoom, Facebook etc. bearing in mind the time difference (11 hours for NZ). When my son does visit (once or twice a year) the whole family get together and it's great. I'm just glad that he's so happy there, the most important thing for me.