Is my partner possessive or just loving?

I want to add we did lease an apt jointly after 8 months but after several months I just wasn't comfortable there on a full time basis (I still have a large home and he does not) so he renewed the lease on his own a few months ago.

LTB

I couldn’t agree more. If OP doesn’t understand, it means leave the b*stard. I felt suffocated just reading your post.

If he is this controlling now, what is he going to be like if you live together? Big red flags here.

Oh yes ….been there “I m doing it all for you” I won’t go into all the pressures of what he ‘did for me’ but I d say run as fast as you can, controlling and pushing you into corners you don’t want to be in. Mine was after my house I m pretty sure but after 8 years of things being changed and done in MY house ‘just for me and because he loved me so much’ then thank goodness I woke up

Loads of red flags. He is demanding far more in committment than you are ready to give at this time. Perhaps you will never be ready to give what he wants. Thats ok. Living together has to be a willing decision by BOTH parties.

I had a BF whom I was quite happy to see once or twice a week. We each had our own home and sets of friends and other interests. He was a part of my life but not the whole of it. He started pressuring me to meet his family and children by another relationship. I told him no because I keep my own family at arms length and had no intention of getting involved with his. He told me that if I rejected his family I was rejecting him. It turned out this was a deal breaker for him so we split up after a year.

If he did not understand about the emergency with your daughter (and complained that you were not texting him enough) he will gradually seek to cut you off from other family and friends until he has complete control. Run for the hills.

Wow...too much.
Met who is now my husband when I was 48. My one A.C. at uni and his 3 who lived with him heading for uni soon.
We were together for 7 years while the kids progressed and just the youngest one still living with him.
I then rented out my home and moved in with him. We married a year later. The following year his youngest bought the house next door.
He added my name to the house deeds even though legally I'd still have been secure without him doing so. Only then did I sell my house. Also was fed up with a rubbish tenant and house prices were at an all time high.
My point is, take your time.
You don't sound sure. Only seeing each other at weekends for 9 months should still be honeymoon period.
It's much too soon.

Huge red flags.....run, run, run.

A red flag on each paragraph and most sentences.

Run.

Think this must be as obvious to you as it is to us. You have explained and he ignores. It won’t get better.

From everything you have written here, I certainly wouldn't move in with him and it sounds like you are clear in your own mind that buying a home with him in the near future is not what you want. Now you must be clear with him because he may be getting mixed signals from you. Just go ahead and say it, that you are not going to buying a house with him in the spring and he needs to do what he needs to do with a clear understanding that your children come first. If this is a deal breaker as far as the relationship goes, it might be a relief for you.

What you dislike about this man will not change ever!! Far far too much pressure from him , he had no understanding of your need to be with your daughter . Run now before it's too late. He will bring you nothing but sorrow and you deserve better .

Turn round, run and keep on running! He is a control freak and I dread to think what your life would be like if you get a place together full time.

You've already told him "family comes first" and well done you for standing by that value. But he's still intent on getting you all to himself.

You're worth more feelingnumb. I hope your daughter is coming to terms with her loss and wish you and her all the very best

Red flags.
From his POC he’s being caring and considerate doing all the research.
BUT
He evidently doesn’t take any notice of your reluctance. Not a good omen for the future.

Many red flags here. He sounds pretty scary to me. This is controlling and not loving. Please put your daughter's crisis first. Let him go.

I echo what everyone else has said feelingnumb run for the hills.

I agree. Run as fast as you can!

Get out while you can*feelingnumb*. This isn't love, this is control and manipulation at its worse.

No way!

The alarm bells are loud and clear. Get away from him, while you can

Can he afford somewhere for himself long term, or is he reliant on you being part of a new home together? Mumsnet have a word "c*cklodger", a man who can't afford to rent or buy somewhere for himself and thereby needs a girlfriend to be part of it (or owns somewhere he can move into).

Your thoughts about him here suggest everything is for his comfort, on his terms, on his timescale and he simply doesn't seem to be hearing you when you are saying "too much, too soon". You are in different places in this relationship and he simply doesn't seem to want to accept that and is railroading over you. Find one phrase to repeat so you don't have to keep finding the right words. Instead of wordy explanations as to your exhaustion in caring for your daughter, instead of trying to explain how you did call him, did text him, etc - Just Say "NO". Or "too much, too soon". The same phrase until you get his attention.

It's very disrespectful of him to not take into account your feelings! Tell him that.

You know he is controlling but obviously there are parts of the relationship with him you want, so it’s pointless asking for advice as no one would be with such a person, despite certain perks. I can’t bear being told what to do so we wouldn’t last a week. Rather be on my own, making my own decisions and control of the remote is very important.

Surely there are enough red flags here to send you running for the hills? There is nothing positive for you or your family in what this man is doing. It’s pure self-interest on his part, it’s not love, nor even dressed up as “love”. Get out of his life, get him out of yours.