Is my partner possessive or just loving?

So here I am again. Thank you everyone for all of your wonderful advice.

Now I’m with my boyfriend at his sons wedding and then we have another wedding next week for someone he knows. It’s really unbelievable because he can be so sweet and caring and considerate and at the same time, do the things he’s done which I’ve outlined a lot above. It’s like there’s two sides of him last night. He gave me out of the blue a small heart necklace, which is the first time hesurprised me with a gift since we’ve been together for two years. I don’t know if it’s because he wants to be on my best behavior at his sons wedding when I go to meet his ex-wife for the first time or he’s feeling guilty from his behavior recently or what .

I guess I just feeling very torn but I don’t wanna waste anymore of his time or mind given they were both in our late 60s and he went and invited me to see the another home on our way up to son’s wedding yesterday

I didn’t have the heart to say no , what is the right thing to do? We have two other weddings later this month and early into next month and I really don’t want to wait till all of those are over with before making a move because I just feel like I’m wasting more of our time.

I’m sorry but I ,isolated my credentials for feeling numb. I am the original poster though.

Not isolated but misplaced

The title of the thread a lone is a flashing red warning light. If you are asking whether he is posesssive or loving then he is possessive

Love is NEVER possessive.

I seem to see this differently from other gransnetters here. It sounds like you aren’t as fond of him as he is of you. He needs to find someone else to settle down with. Let him go, don’t keep him dangling.

why are you wasting time and energy and emotional attention on going to weddings etc.
can you not see how manipulative he is.
he made sure you went to see that house, it was on his to do list, it was not an invitation.
have you never read anything about coercive control.
plenty of good short videos on youtube; i like dr les carter, and dr ramani is good too.
you are being played like a violin.
he can be nice sometimes, gave you a gift etc.
even a serial killer doesn't spend every minute killing. they probably are nice sometimes, often seem quite plausible, pillars of the community.
hitler liked dogs and was vegetarian.
stop drinking the coolade.
step away now. you can do this. and don't seek to explain or justify.
less said the better.

here's another one i found, dr david hawkins,
10 signs of an emotionally abusive relationship, sign 3;
my feelings,opinions and choices are not respected or heard.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcjQ3675qTI

feelingnumb, Hershey, whatever you choose to call yourself today............read all the comments on this thread and get out of this toxic relationship! Previously planned weddings, trips etc are NO excuse to hang around.

Again, appreciate all of your advice. Last night after his son’s rehearsal dinner, we got back to the room and he seemed concerned about his ex saying oh she seemed a little nervous at first but then she relax. It was the first time I met the ex. At no point did he ask how I felt.

I thought that was kind of weird since he seems overly concerned about her. For me obviously it was awkward but I made the best of it. He also objected to the way they were going to walk their son down which was separately as opposed to being with the son in the middle so he talked to his son and ex today about it, and I think they may just accompany him which is fine.
It just again seemed like he was overly concerned about how she felt about it all that you couldn’t talk for herself, but really was not concerned at all about how I felt in terms of meeting her and being around her for the first time.

Have you taken in anything that’s been said here!

Yes. I’m sad

Germanshepherdsmum

Have you taken in anything that’s been said here!

lol 🤦🏼‍♀️

Well you know what to do to make yourself feel happier don’t you?

I think so. After the wedding tonight we have a long ride back so I can just bring up that I find his behavior confining sometimes to the point that he seems to be competing and jealous of my own child spending time with me. I can cite examples. I don’t even need to get into the whole house issue until I see his reply to the first issue but when and if I do I’ll explain that this behavior troubles me so much that I’m not comfortable moving forward on living together.

Well it sounds to me as if you are fine with just a boyfriend. You like your own place, you like being in control of your own life. You say your children will always come first- and hopefully there will be grandchildren. I think you own your own home?

He is looking for a full time relationship- and from the sounds of things likes to be the center of attention and the one in charge. He could also resent the time you spend with your kids. Also: who would be putting the most in to the possible house purchase? You?

You don’t sound as if you want the same things- I am suspicious of his motives tbh.

He is paying half the house and maybe a little more.

Yes your perspective may be correct. I am widowed after a good marriage and he is divorced and has no home now except the apt.

I own my home and while my children are my priority I do need my own life but I need to find a partner who doesn’t resent my relationship with my kids which is very close

He’s paying at least half of your household bills though he doesn’t live there and he has a lease of an apartment which will expire in April? Have I misunderstood something?

No if we buy a new home he’ll pay half of it. Now he leases his own apt and I own and pay for my own home.

If you're still wondering what to do despite all the very sensible advice offered to you here, you're obviously beyond hope!
There's really no point at all in asking for advice if you have absolutely no intention of taking any of it!

I just want to be certain I’m not missing something or being unfair to him

i give up.

Why are you concerned about being unfair to him?
He's quite obviously a possessive control freak!
Run, and keep running!

Sod being unfair to him! This is your life. Life is precious. Stop wasting it.

Hershey step away from your personal relationship and just read some of the artilcles recommended above on co-ercive control. Read them just out of interest without thinking whether they may apply to you.

When you have throughly studied the subject think what advice you would give a friend with a boyfriend like yours. perhaps you have had a friend in such a relationship. What did she say about her partner and how did she explain away his manipulative and controlling behaviour.

When you have done all that start thinking about your relationship and whether there are similarities.

One question, why are you so determined to have a relationship with a man? Surely if you are really close to your family being in a relationship is going to limit that relationship whatever you or he stay. Why can't you just live happlily singly, playing the scene, following lots of other interests and activities and evoting all the time you want to your family.

As my mother used to say, 'better happily single than unhappily married/partnered.'

Frankly your partner sounds an rritating bore who cannot take a hint even when it weighs a ton and lands on his toes. leae him to it. Your worth so much more.

You need to dump him in my opinion. He’s appallingly controlling.