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Daughter marriage in trouble

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Pumpkinpie Sun 29-Oct-23 01:25:36

My DD has been married for 7years together for 9 years before that . 2 wonderful adopted GC. Her husband works hard is great with kids but we’ve never been close it’s felt as if she’s kept us at a distance.
Over the last year she’s been having counselling and it has felt like I’ve been getting my DD back. She’s been talking more and I’ve been able to help her , the house is chaotic 2 children with SEN
I’ve had to bite my lip many times as they are often glued to their phones instead of doing basic housework. Recently she asked me if I thought she had ADHD and it’s been like a light bulb moment. It explains so much of her issues with organisation and poor timekeeping. Her relationship with her dad has been strained for many years because it was like she did things just to anatagonise him.
I digress. We had a very frank discussion and she told me some things about her marriage that has left me reeling. Her H doesn’t touch her or want intimacy for over 16!yrs - She is wondering about ending her marriage and Co parenting with her H as friends
Leaving the kids with him in the family home as he’s the bigger Warner- she works full time . But going before and after school , basically just not sleeping there.
She’s talking about letting him have the house etc
I don’t think she is thinking this through and I’m very worried about her emotional and financial future.
Her H obviously cares about her , bends over backwards to make her happy but …..
She’s so young to feel undesirable.
I’m really struggling to be supportive but at the same time don’t want her to make mistakes she will regret

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OnwardandUpward Mon 06-Nov-23 22:11:49

Im sorry to hear about your DD's situation.

My H is older than me and also not one for intimacy. I have also felt really low about this and we have split up twice. Things have not improved much except we are both older and more tired now.

Not sure if this is relevant, but after 20 years of hardly any intimacy, my husband confessed to having had an experience with a man when he was a teenager. Low sperm count could also be a thing. He might be over compensating in other areas because he can't "perform". It would be good for him to get a check up and for your DD to ask him if he has any abuse or past history that's getting in the way of intimacy. I wish I had asked sooner.

It's hard when you don't feel desired by the one person who "should" and we are brought up thinking men always want sex. They don't though. To the person who questioned if the husband may be gay, it needs looking into. I have not asked that question myself yet as I dread the answer.

I posted a post in relationships and people are already criticising me. I didn't say exactly what the problem was, but thanks for sharing this.

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