Gransnet forums


Leaving marriage after 50

(23 Posts)
Jenho Sat 18-Nov-23 13:56:28

I am in the process of trying to leave a marriage of 50 years and it is truly terrifying. I have no assets, we have rented for the last few years and our finances are such that I only have the state pension to rely on. I am the victim of coercive control and am in touch with women’s aid in order to go into a refuge as I see this as my only option as I don’t have funds to do anything else. I do not have any family or friends to help. How sad is that?

Soozikinzi Sat 18-Nov-23 14:05:31

Sad yes but you're doing the right thing . Im sure the refuge will help you access the correct benefits etc . Keep strong .

Thisismyname1953 Sat 18-Nov-23 14:07:54

I’m so sorry you are in this position. It may seem difficult to leave but I’m sure that in time you will be much happier. I’m glad you are in contact with women’s aid and that you have their support. Best wishes for the future.

crazyH Sat 18-Nov-23 14:14:13

So, so , sorry . Life is such a bxxxxr 😡- I hope you will get the help you need . flowers

glammanana Sat 18-Nov-23 14:14:56

You are so brave to do this there is only so much a person can out up with and you have found that point in your life well done you.
The people at the refuge will steer you in the right way to claim everything you can access,make sure you get as much paperwork as necessary and keep your address confidential from your soon to be ex-partner enjoy your life without being controlled you are so strong and deserve to have peace in your life.

Smileless2012 Sat 18-Nov-23 14:16:20

You're doing the right thing and showing great courage.

Having been in a coercively controlled marriage, your financial position may not be what you've been led to believe. Your husband may well be keeping important information from you so hopefully the refuge will be able to help you access legal advice.

Good luck flowers.

Germanshepherdsmum Sat 18-Nov-23 14:20:50

Exactly what I was thinking. I would also contact the Citizens Advice Bureau.

Good luck.

Grandmabatty Sat 18-Nov-23 14:24:23

I wouldn't call it sad. I would applaud you for making a tough decision after years of coercive control. You are strong and brave and have decided no more. Get legal advice and women's aid is there to support you. I wish you a happier 2024

Vito Sat 18-Nov-23 14:29:41

As Smiless said what courage you are showing. I can only admire you for taking the steps to leave. Take care, thinking of you flowers

HeavenLeigh Sat 18-Nov-23 14:29:53

I wouldn’t call it sad, sad that you had an unhappy marriage yes. But… I’m so pleased you are making the break and not staying in a controlled marriage so I’m wishing you every happiness for the future jenho wishing you peace and luck for 2024 onwards

Gymstagran Sat 18-Nov-23 14:38:39

Your life is tough at the moment but I applaud you for taking this step. It won't change overnight but you will be free to make your own friends in time. Take one day at a time and rely on the people at the refuge.

M0nica Sat 18-Nov-23 15:42:30

To be leaving a marriage of 50 years is unusual. has your DH always exercised co-ercive control, or has it only happened in the last few years.

I ask that because if the coercive behaviour is the result of a relatively recent personality change, it could be that he is developing/ has developed dementia, or is on his way there.

This does not in any way qualify your right decision to leave if your husband is now acting in a coercive manner. Your health and safety is at risk - and you need to be safe aand that is paramount. But it is something to factor in when talking to the Women's Refuge and other official bodies you have to deal with, once you are in a safe place.

Silvergirl Sat 18-Nov-23 18:38:19

I so admire your courage in doing this. Good wishes for your new life. You deserve it.

readsalot Sat 18-Nov-23 20:46:24

It sounds like a sad time in your life but you’re moving forward to a new life of your own. Not much money is restricting but you will have peace of mind. I wish you every happiness in your new life.

pascal30 Sat 18-Nov-23 21:18:09

How brave you are..I hope you find much peace and happiness in your new life

rafichagran Sat 18-Nov-23 21:25:38

Very best wishes for the future. A very bold move. Get legal advice though, because there may be funds you do not know about.

silverlining48 Sat 18-Nov-23 23:32:44

Best wishes from me too. You are strong and brave and you will get help from women’s aid. You know you are doing the right thing. Good luck.

Coronation Sun 19-Nov-23 07:01:17

I admire your strentgh and bravery in doing the right thing. You may not have financial assets, but you will get peace of mind which is priceless.

The stress you have been under will have made it difficult to relax and make friends. It will be scary the first few times you join clubs etc but the pride and joy for trying will be great.

Please keep posting here and let us know how you're getting on.

Shelflife Sun 19-Nov-23 10:54:27

A bold and brave move, good luck in your new life - you deserve happiness. There will be so many people in similar situations that do not have the courage to take action. I wish you well for or your future. Take all the help and advice that is offered.

sodapop Sun 19-Nov-23 12:44:54

A very brave thing to do Jenho I wish you well in your new life. I agree with others, check out the financial situation all may not be as it seems or as he would like you think.
Good luck thanks

Nana75 Sun 19-Nov-23 14:12:35

You are indeed brave! To leave after a long time must take sooo much courage! But I suppose the situation must be so bad you have no choice.I totally agree safety is paramount.I hope you find the hel p and support you need.Best wishes and lots of hugs!🌷

harrysgran Sun 19-Nov-23 15:34:13

You are doing the right thing you can't put a price on peace of mind take it a day at a time hopefully once you are out of the home and in a refuge you will began to relax and see things more clearly good luck and happiness for your new beginning

Coronation Fri 24-Nov-23 20:16:23

How are you? A week is a very long time if you feel stressed x