Military partner

Six weeks after I married my soldier husband, I faced the prospect of a year without him as he was sent to the Far East. We knew he was going but it didn’t stop us getting married. I knew we’d be together again eventually. You come to make the best of the separations. We had nineteen years of it on and off, before DH retired. Tell her not to listen to her friends - if they love each other, they’ll make it work. It’s what you do. At least with the RAF, they tend to have longer in post than the Army, which gives families more stability. As someone has said, three hours away is do-able, perhaps not every weekend, but he’ll get a good amount of leave.

She will be fine. She has other pregnant people to lean on who will be going through similar things and in all honesty her baby will just want her for the first few months (or years) anyway. Even if he was at home he would be working 9-5 + travel, most babies are down early and toddlers go to bed at around 7pm so she's only missing out on a couple of hours help in the week and I bet he's home to help at the weekends. The first few months will be rough with cluster feeding and sleepless nights but it wouldn't be much less rough with a present partner... but maybe hed be able to give her a cuddle on the rough days or make a cup of tea. If she bottle feeds he can help at the weekends and give her a break, but she will have to be prepared for the baby to not be as bonded to dad.

Tell her that if they love each other they will be fine and to be kind to herself. There will be rough days in raising her child and there will be pressure on the relationship but tell her to ride the wave and remember the saying "this too shall pass." The situation won't be permanent and she is tougher than she thinks. She's got this.

The services have schemes that cover both paternity leave, and a shared parental leave scheme that your daughter and her partner can take advantage of once she returns to work.

They have looked into that but unfortunately that wouldn't work .

I must be missing something here. You say her partner is based three hours away, so what stops her living with him and driving or taking the train back and foward to work, if she can't get a job nearer to his RAF base?

I know a three hour drive each way isn't ideal, but it could be done, and a distance of three hours is hardly a long-distance relationship that has to be made to work.

I wouldn’t want to do that with a young baby.

grandtanteJE65

I must be missing something here. You say her partner is based three hours away, so what stops her living with him and driving or taking the train back and foward to work, if she can't get a job nearer to his RAF base?

I know a three hour drive each way isn't ideal, but it could be done, and a distance of three hours is hardly a long-distance relationship that has to be made to work.

You are kidding? 🤔

merlotgran

grandtanteJE65

I must be missing something here. You say her partner is based three hours away, so what stops her living with him and driving or taking the train back and foward to work, if she can't get a job nearer to his RAF base?

I know a three hour drive each way isn't ideal, but it could be done, and a distance of three hours is hardly a long-distance relationship that has to be made to work.

You are kidding? 🤔

quite..

Well that wouldn't be practical at all would it!

Six hours travelling time? With a new baby either expected or just born and needing his/her mother? I don't think so.

How long is her leave? A few weeks before until a few weeks after? Maybe she is just over thinking as she does have leave?

Norah

How long is her leave? A few weeks before until a few weeks after? Maybe she is just over thinking as she does have leave?

It's isn't the length of the maternity leave that's the concern,I think she's just worried about feeling lonely and overwhelmed.