Son taking fiancés surname when married

I had no problems keeping my own name when I got married about 40 years ago (except for my own mother who only ever addressed me as Mrs His forename and surname afterwards but that’s a long, painful story)
My DH didn’t even question it- his mother kept her own name, and she was married in the early 1950s.
Our children have the surname that was closer to the beginning of the alphabet, on the grounds that research on the education system of the day strongly suggested that children with surnames at the end of the alphabet were disadvantaged.
We didn’t consider double barrelling, we’re not posh, besides the result would have had unacceptable connotations.
Why should a woman be expected to give up her name, which is a big part of her identity just because she gets married. We no longer consider her to be the “chattel” of her husband. If either party chooses to change their name so that the new unit has the same name it might make things easier for someone but really it’s entirely up to the individuals involved.

I've been married nearly 44 yrs and still keep my birth surname. I believe it is the case that the male takes the female surname in Iceland .

Catherine28 I agree with you.

Normal doesn't matter, they are an adult couple together, forming their own family. It's entirely up to them what they want to do.

My son in law took our family name when he married my daughter . They had tried to make a double barrel name but didn’t work . Some other countries do not take husbands surname so aren’t we ie England a bit behind the times

I considered double barrel when I got married as I had an unusual surname and wanted it to continue, but our surnames really didn't work together - sounded silly both ways round - so I took my ex's surname. When I divorced I wanted to keep the same name as my children so didn't revert to maiden name. My brother has 2 boys so the name will continue as my oldest nephew has 2 sons too.
I thought about using my maiden name professionally as, working in a school, some of the less pleasant students called me less than flattering alternatives to my name which rhymed. However when I moved jobs I forgot about it and it was only in the one school that it was an issue.

My step-daughter has kept her surname and her husband had no issues with also taking her surname. They have kept his name, almost as a middle name, so not hyphenated. E.G. Blogs Smith, not Blogs-Smith. It's unusual but not unheard of.
A friend married someone with a very common surname so they hyphenated with her surname to make it a bit different.
Don't be offended at their decision, but maybe suggest using both surnames with hers as the last name, as my stepdaughter has done.
Being a mother-in-law is very difficult, don't start off upsetting them at the risk of making it difficult for you to have a good relationship with your new daughter-in-law.

Have had so many surnames. Double barrelled twice. Husband of 42 years would prefer to change his name to one of mine but it’s such a faff. My second surname has a Royal badge and a distinctive name to do with a Royal racecourse. It’s all unimportant to us.

A divorced cousin with an unusual but nice surname is angry that his ex wife's who has kept the name to share with the dc new partner wants to take the name when they marry. I agree with my cousin. That is dastardly!
Not only pinch his wife but take his name as well.

You only married into it yourself so why be so worried?

My DIL has a better surname that my DS but this is only my opinion because its the unusual name of a beloved characterin a favourite film. . I would not have been at all bothered if my DS took that name. Truth be told, I never actually voice either my DIL or my DS's surname, I just want to know I put the right thing on envelopes etc so it reaches them.

I've known several couples over the years where he takes her surname. It's no big deal. It's 2024 after all!

See so many children with double barrelled surnames (combining both parents). Great idea but what happens with the next generation, etc. How long can surnames beome????

Maybe people will keep their birth family name rather than women give up part of their identity

Double barrelled surnames - usually the next generation would choose one of their surnames to join with the new partner, so Jones - Brown marries Marsha- Mallow and their children would be called Brown - Mallow ( or whatever combination they want. This is what happens in countries where double barrelled is commonplace.

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Not sure why you are hurt OP, if people have daughters their name is Lost on marriage, but why should it always be women who are expected to change their names after having them for decades, Tradition?
We are not upset and accept our name will die with us. Your son is only doing what women have been expected to do for centuries. Good for him.

Catherine we are in the same position & yes it hurts very much. Our only son has married & not only taken his wife's surname but has also given their newborn baby his wifes surname too. His wife wouldn't consider double barrelling & the baby hasn't even been given our family surname as a middle name. It hurts us all greatly as a family

Another ‘old’ thread.

It's completely normal to feel a mix of emotions when traditions are adjusted.
Remember, this choice doesn't diminish your bond with your son.
It's a reflection of his love and respect for his partner's family. Embrace the uniqueness of their decision, and focus on celebrating their love and the joy of their next journey.

Spare a thought for those who have no children to carry on a family name.

An old thread, yet I feel compelled to say that when my niece got married they both decided to change their names. They did it by deed-poll and the name they chose was something from Game of Thrones.
My sister was so upset as they already had one child and now more that, all share this official 'silly name.'

What are those kids going to think when they get older and realise it isn't really a family name but something from the TV?

I changed my name and glad I did as we all had same name then. Kept it when divorced until I remarried. However I’ve now had three surnames and I won’t be changing it.

Urmstongran

Another ‘old’ thread.

Why does it matter? If anyone is interested in the subject and wants to respond, that is fine, surely.

Why should a woman automatically take on the man's name? If a name is unique and about to disappear, then it makes every sense anyhow. It's up to them, not the parents.