My husbands dependency on me is making me feel like I’m drowning

My MIL was ill for a long time and started preparing my FIL for life without her.
We didn’t realise it at the time but she gradually taught my FIL varies skills, crosswords, slow cooker , shopping he had never used before as she had always managed the bills etc. He also had literacy issues. She also enlisted the family to help so subtly we didn’t realise .
At the moment your H is just irritating you with his dependency but what happens if you become ill? He needs to learn coping strategies. There are lots of visual aids out there that may help. The men’s shed do some great programmes which could help him mix.
Maybe you need to think about being less available ie voluntary work, crafts etc on your own. Make him take on tasks that are more challenging ie cooking, he could use visual recipes . Shopping again there are auditory and visual aids .
It must be difficult for you both at the moment you’re husband is probably very conscious you are annoyed with him. A chat to clear the air sounds long overdue
Alternatively are you settled in this area or would a move back to where you have friends be feasible?

what is your children's attitude to this situation ?

I haven’t shared with them how I feel as I don’t want to burden them with my troubles . They love their dad and realise he has difficulties due to his literacy problems but they’ve grown up with him always being like this . I sometimes feel they are more supportive of him than me as I’m seen as the ‘ strong one’ but maybe I’m just fee,ing sorry for myself

If I hear that phrase I don't want to burden them with my troubles one more time I shall scream.

Do you not realise that your children will be aware there are problems and will be worrying even more because they do not fully understand them because you will not talk about them there is nothing they can do. they will, equally not want to raise the subject with you, as you clearly do not want to talk

You will be much less of a burden on them if you come out in the open and discuss the problem with them. It may well be that they can come up with solutions that you (and those on GN) have never thought of.

We have always been entirely open with my children and we have discussed problems with them. It has made it so much simpler to sort out problems that have arisen in our old age - and find solutions that reduce the chance of us becoming a burden on them.

For eight years before he died, my husband was a poorly man and I was his 24/7 carer, I did everything for him. I also took control of all the household things, banking, money mu husband relinquished everything to me. I was in my 70's and absolutely worn out but I loved him and he loved me so I did it out of love. We were married for 50 years when he died and met when we were 18 years of age so together 53 years.

When the love goes, as in your case, I can understand why you feel trapped and resent everything you do for him as you won't be able to breathe as he will be looking over your shoulder every minute of the day. If he is not an ill man then stand up for yourself, your children are not kids anymore, speak to them and tell them how you feel as you need support. You cannot spend the remaining years of your life living like a servant who has no life of her own.

Leaving is not the answer, what you need are boundaries and he needs to accept them.

Littletoothill I am in exactly the same situation. Drives me mad. He is always asking what do you want me to do. He is unable to see anything to do. I try in my mind to detach myself from him, that seems to help a bit. He is just bone idle, I get on and do everything because life is easier. pm me if you need a friend who you can relate to.