Husband Sleeping Late

Elegran

I would treat it as a training exercise, rather than a regular responsibility that you are taking on for ever. Agree a reasonable time for him to be up an about, and at that time, stick your head round the bedroom door and say loudly "I am putting on your porridge NOW" He sounds quite happy for you to wake him, so he shouldn't (?) be grumpy when you do, but if he hasn't appeared by the time the porridge (or whatever his choice is) is out on the plate, go back and tell him it is ready. If he still doesn't appear in a few minutes, return to say that it is uneatable and you have thrown it out.

After a week or two of this, his stomach should be reminding him that this is time to eat. It may be sooner, it may take longer.

I’d let him get his own porridge! Or whatever he has for breakfast.
My dh gets his own breakfast and lunch - we are often up at different times and I never want anything to eat first thing.

The only meal we eat together is dinner, which I do cook.

When I first retired |(aged 70), one of my main delights was not having to use an alarm clock. My natural rhythm meant that I woke each morning, quite naturally, between 7.30 and 8.00 am

Lasted like that for the next decade, but over the past couple of years I have to put the alarm on every day, as if I did not I would be sleeping to well past nine or even later - and that is with having afternoon sleep time. Have to accept that many of us need more sleep as we age.

Nanaplenty, you could tackle this in one of two ways:

Leave him to his own devices and get on with your own daily activities - go shopping, meet friends for a cuppa, have a day out somewhere......theres loads of opportunity.

OR you could:

Reschedule his life......up by 7.30am (ish), shower - shave - breakfast, get involved with the running of the home (cleaning and laundry is not just women's work), do the shopping, do the gardening, get some exercise, join you on a day out etc............all of these might potentially help him sleep better, would certainly improve his mental health anyway.

This morning I slept (not by any means for the first time) until 9.30, having (as usual) been awake a lot in the night, trying to get back to sleep, and reading my Kindle when I couldn’t.
I did wake just before 6, but it was too early to get up at this time of year and put the heating on.

Dh never tries to wake or ‘organise’ me into a different schedule, and TBH I’d find it very bossy and intrusive if he did.

If I have to get up early for anything, I set the alarm, but if there’s no need, I don’t see the point.

Whether I have a nap in the afternoon or not, or go to bed earlier or later, makes not the slightest difference.

HelterSkelter1

Restless legs may be disturbing his sleep. Could be a sign of something else? What checks has he had?

It is winter and we all sleep a bit longer well at least a lot of people do. So maybe he will pick himself up come spring time.

But you do what you want to do dont wait for him. Dont hang about to do breakfast...launch straight into lunch for both of you. He can miss brekker otherwise you really are out of synch.

Get out for a walk when its sunny. Treat it at the moment like a phase he is going through so dont let it stress you out. Write down how you feel and how it is today and then revisit your note in 3 months time. Hopefully there will have been a change if not then he needs to talk to the GP again.

But you get on and do stuff yourself or with a friend. Chin up.

FWIW, my husband has ever-worsening Restless Legs Syndrome. His is definitely genetic. Whatever the reason for most sufferers, the evenings and nights are the worst times. My husband often gets up very late, but I’d much rather he did so rather than get up too early (for him) and be tired and even more twitchy. I just get on with whatever else I get on with. All the best.

I would gently suggest a medical check up. Or could he be depressed?
Try a wake up light.

He's told you to wake him, so WAKE HIM! See how you both go with that for a week or two and if he's okay, then happy days!

I wake my Dh at 9 every day.
He would sleep til midday if I let him.
He might have an afternoon doze and that’s fine, but he needs to get up to start the day.😉

Yes, and it's being caused by sleep apnea. He has a machine, but won't use it...

My husband sleeps until about 10. I’m up and out with the dogs at 7 ish.
He’s worked hard all his life to support his family, and none of this working from home lark either. Up at 6 out by 6.30, home at 7, for years!
We do have separate bedrooms, his is quite dark with a TV, , mine is all pastels and calm, and I read a lot, no TV.
We have different needs/likes. We accept each others ‘differences’. It’s not always easy, but I feel that at our stage of life we should be able to do a bit of what we want to do without feeling guilty about it. I’m 72 this year and he is 70.
My sister complains that he doesn’t make me happy, but I think we have to make ourselves happy. I see many lonely people my age and I feel lucky that I have someone else my age in the house. We do share lots of things.

My Dad used to squeeze a cold flannel over me as teenager if I wouldn’t get up 😳

Maybe worth a try with husbands too 😉

I just let my husband sleep naturally unless he has an appointment. He needs at least 3 hours more sleep than me. If he is asleep I do things he is not interested in. We have a roughly agreed time for our evening meal which I enjoy making. Any other food he mostly helps himself. Retirement should be about pleasing yourself.

Much the same with us Sheila11 my husband does the afternoon and evening dog walks. We share time and activities together during the day and evening. We are very happy with our lives as they are. Each to their own I say.

He has asked you to wake him so do so!

Getting up earlier might help him to sleep better at night too.

I am puzzled by these fidgety legs so many on Gransnet talk about - it strikes me as a British phenomenon, as I don't know anyone here who suffers from it. Are you sure your husband is drinking sufficient fluids during the day?

Either get on with your day or get up when he does, why does it have to be your way and not his?

If he's up earlier, he might sleep better at night?

Unfortunately I have had this for the past 24 years, My husband is 84 I am 68, it has destroyed any marriage we have as far as I am concerned we are married in name only. His time of getting up is 1/2 pm, I am up every morning by 7am just because I want to not because I have to, it got ridiculous creeping around the bedroom just because he couldn't be bothered to get out of bed. So we have had separate bedrooms for the past 20 years, the only time I go into his bedroom is to clean it, he is never in mine because I do not want him in there. It really pisses me off with him, he may say to me I need the doctor, dentist or what ever, but he will not want an appointment for the morning always in the afternoon. When I get out of bed I go downstairs, I do the housework, washing ironing what ever, go out to do shopping and I am usually back just as he is getting out of his shit pit. I really hate and despise him for it. BUT I now lead my own life, I have my own friends, I never go to family with him because if he cant be bothered getting out of bed then I can't be bothered waking him. I have stopped going on holiday with him, even on holidays it was 1pm, so as far as I am concerned fuck him, I now go on holiday with friends

My DH has got into strange sleeping habits too. He has always been a night owl but over the last couple of years he goes to bed very late, sometimes 4am and of course spends the next 8 hours asleep, usually getting up anytime between 10.30 and 1pm, unless he has an appointment.

I use to worry a lot about this as his eating habits also coincided with his sleeping timetable and to me it seemed he only eat one meal a day, our evening meal. Then I discovered things were going missing from the fridge and realised that my DH was eating but when I was in bed. I'm a lark always in bed by 11pm and up at 6am.

So realising he was not starving, I relaxed and treated the situation as if he was on the night shift. Now I make sure there are plenty of snacks and food in the fridge and I go swimming every morning unless otherwise busy.

By the time I get back my DH has usual got up and his day begins., which we share.

I quite like this situation, or have got use to it. There is time for me to do what I want without explanation and as long as this doesn't get worse I can live with it.

Hi, I’m quite happy getting up when I need to. Sometimes 07.00 and somethings (bliss!) nearer midday.

And surely if your husband would like a wake up call when needed, why can’t you do it? Or at least try it once or twice, and if it doesn’t work, then don’t do it again!

I do appreciate that I’m very lucky to be able to sleep in when I want to. After years of ghastly shift and weekend work, it’s a joy.

Hope your opposing sleep patterns don’t cause too much of a rift! 🌷

My DH gets up later in the winter at 9.00 am. For him, this is later than summer months when he can get outside. He hates these winter months and moans about it every day. He has also been prescribed tablets for pre diabetes and he has definitely slowed up since he’s been on them. However, it doesn’t disrupt our lives that much really. He is just slower to get going and walks slower than he used to. He has had health check ups. He is 70..

He's aging in years, his brain and body are slowing down, his get-up-and-go is not so-much-getting-up-and going any more!

72 is not that old!
DH is older but brings me a cup of tea every morning at 8 am (by which time he's probably done some chores 🙂)
Although I must admit he's having 5 minutes 😴 now as we've had a busy day so far.

Has he had Covid, NanaPlenty?
Even if it didn't cause severe symptoms, it can leave you feeling extremely tired for some time afterwards.

Grannynannywanny

I like this

Yes 😂😂😂

It’s the opposite in our house, I get up late but my DH is great about it, takes his clothes into another room to get dressed so he doesn’t disturb me.

Another owl here. But then, I’m on my own and can do as I please 😂