Husband Sleeping Late

I wouldn't wake up unless DH woke me up. It doesn't bother me that he does it. We both know it's the only way for me to get up at a reasonable time. Otherwise we'd lose half the day. If your husband has suggested, why not give it a try.

Why don’t you get on with what you want to do, meet a friend for coffee go for a walk, sign up for sone morning volunteering work There’s absolutely nothing worse than twiddling your fingers while someone else sleeps but you don’t have to, get out and do your own stuff, like all us single nans and grans do Then when you get back at lunchtime and he’s up you can both share the afternoon and evening together
Win/win

He's aging in years, his brain and body are slowing down, his get-up-and-go is not so-much-getting-up-and going any more!

Think of the Ed Asner and Kevin Hart film, ''Let Go'' where Artie is dramatically slowing down!

Try to give hubby a reason, even if only once a month for getting up earlier, take him to his favourite eatery or his favourite movie at the cinema, whatever.

Nagging him to get up earlier won't get either of you anywhere. Let him rest and get up when he feels OK to do it.

I would treat it as a training exercise, rather than a regular responsibility that you are taking on for ever. Agree a reasonable time for him to be up an about, and at that time, stick your head round the bedroom door and say loudly "I am putting on your porridge NOW" He sounds quite happy for you to wake him, so he shouldn't (?) be grumpy when you do, but if he hasn't appeared by the time the porridge (or whatever his choice is) is out on the plate, go back and tell him it is ready. If he still doesn't appear in a few minutes, return to say that it is uneatable and you have thrown it out.

After a week or two of this, his stomach should be reminding him that this is time to eat. It may be sooner, it may take longer.

I wake DH every day at his request, or he’d sleep the day away.

Thanks everyone some good ideas there - I have been thinking for a while I should just go out and I think Blue Belle that’s what I’m going to do some days x

Sounds weird to me why would you want to spend half the day in bed. My DH has now semi retired before he was always up around 7am now it could stretch till 8 but I am always up 5am to 6am.
You could start hovering that would wake him !

Restless legs may be disturbing his sleep. Could be a sign of something else? What checks has he had?

It is winter and we all sleep a bit longer well at least a lot of people do. So maybe he will pick himself up come spring time.

But you do what you want to do dont wait for him. Dont hang about to do breakfast...launch straight into lunch for both of you. He can miss brekker otherwise you really are out of synch.

Get out for a walk when its sunny. Treat it at the moment like a phase he is going through so dont let it stress you out. Write down how you feel and how it is today and then revisit your note in 3 months time. Hopefully there will have been a change if not then he needs to talk to the GP again.

But you get on and do stuff yourself or with a friend. Chin up.

I’m guessing you mean hoovering Rosie but I like the thought of you hovering over the bed.

Juliet27

I’m guessing you mean hoovering Rosie but I like the thought of you hovering over the bed.

Lol well that could work as well especially with a cold flannel used to do that with our teenagers who were slow to get up for school

I’ve just been prescribed some new tablets, MrOops has been on them for some time, he sleeps until 9 ish unless I go and wake him up, but recently I’ve struggled to get out of bed at 8am! So I now sympathise with him. It isn’t a case of wanting to stay in bed, we just don’t wake up. MrOops woke me up last week at 9.30am because he thought I’d died in my sleep, I was so quiet!!
Maybe a health check would be a good idea, but if your husband is happy for you to wake him, then just wake him up rather than sit and stew about it. Does he go to bed really late?

I agree with Bluebelle, just go out and about and do your own thing in the morning, then you can spend the rest of the day together without resentment and guilt tainting your days together

There is nothing particularly virtuous about getting up early, and a day has 24 hours regardless of when it starts.

I am a late to bed, late to rise person, and delighted to be so, after a working lifetime of having to adapt (to varying degrees) to an environment created by and for morning people.

My husband - who is a lark - just gets on with stuff I have zero interest in in the morning, and I do things he’s not involved with after he’s gone to bed, at what feels to me like the early evening (generally 10.30 or 11pm).

We seem to sleep long hours lately. Bed at nine and we rarely surface much before 8am. Does it matter? Not to us. We’ve decided we must need it. Maybe it’s the winter and we are just snug as bugs!

I agree Siope plan your day in a way which suits you in retirement. I usually get up early and my husband later. I relax or go out in the afternoon while he prepares and cooks dinner and walks the dogs. Suits us.

Sounds like a very disciplined approach Elegran

It is theoretically disciplined, Siope but likely to slip unto randomness. It might work if taken a week at a time!

As OP said ‘he has had plenty of health checks’.

apparently it is better for our wellbeing to sleep longer in the winter.. if he's had a health check and is OK I would respect his need to sleep.. just do activities together when he's surfaced

Perhaps consider doing your walking, exercise, and dressing before he wakes? As our children say 'you do you, I'll do me'.

Is there a real problem, or just you want your own way?

I often want my way, I understand wanting my way though I can't always win my way. It's called being in a give/take adult relationship.

I am a lark and my husband is an owl.If we have plans to go out DH will get up and ready on time but if no plans I leave him to sleep.I would not want him to make me stay up late at night so not really fair for me to drag him out of bed in the morning.I enjoy the few hours of quiet in the morning having a leisurely breakfast and doing my own thing.There are still plenty of hours of the day to enjoy together.
Try to enjoy the few hours you have while he is still sleeping.

Sorry but I just don't see what the problem is with sleeping late if you've not made any plans to be anywhere early that day. If you have mutually agreed plans, do as he suggests and wake him at an appropriate time. If not, leave him where he is and go ahead with your own day as you want.

You are both retired so unless there is something specific for him to get up for why does it matter? Perhaps he's a night owl and is slow to get going in the morning, if he's had a lifetime of getting up early for work surely he has the right to stay in bed as long as he wants now? My DP tends to be later and slower to get up and about than me, but like your DH he can do it if he actually needs to get up for something. Usually I am up first, and take him a cup of tea up around 9am but if he chooses to go back to sleep that's up to him.

Meanwhile, there is nothing to stop you getting on with your own life and activities, is there? If you want to go out you could just leave him a note.

NanaPlenty I have just re-read your op and realised you said this:
'My husband seems to be sleeping more and more. He’s 72 and has been retired some time. He’s had plenty of health checks and I appreciate he doesnt always sleep well….fidgety legs being one reason.'

Regardless of the plentiful health checks, if the restless legs and change in sleeping patterns are new, I would get him to go to the doctor for those specific things.

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