narcissistic man

Today this man has come to my house. Didn't ring the bell, but knocked really heavily on the door.
I've been getting so many texts from him and this morning I had one which asked me to meet up for coffee.
I felt totally blindsided when he came round this morning, so I asked him in.
He suggested that we just meet up every Wednesday for a walk or maybe I could go over to him on Easter Monday for a meal.
He arrived in his sunglasses and kept them on the whole of the time he was here.
I feel so mixed up, what should I do?

faringdon59

Thanks for all of these comments.
I'm feeling awful today and have been thinking about going back to him.
He is messaging two or three times a day and I'm scared to block him in case it sends him over the edge completely.
The last message said he's sorry for contacting me but he's got no one else to talk to. So it sounds like still being able to contact me is like a therapy for him.
I'm in work this evening until 8 and as he knows I work every Tuesday evening I'm concerned that he may be out in our hospital car park when I leave.
Looking back on the time I was with him we had a great time each time we met up and I keep thinking I should give him a second chance. Maybe he kept talking about his ex's because he's very insecure.
Someone has put on here about me taking a toy boy for occasional pleasure, well that's how this all started, with us meeting for physical relationship and then it moved on to meeting up on Wednesdays for walking in the day.
There's no way I can go back to online dating again, just can't make that effort again.
So maybe I ought to go back to the devil I know and set strong boundaries.

Don't just don't.

Miss Adventure you are right.

Narcs are predators who prey on the vulnerable. If they sense any kind of weakness or indecision they will go in for the kill.

Farringdon.....if you want to get rid of him then you have to draw strong boundaries. Block his number. Don't worry about upsetting him, narcs have no finer feelings. All they care about is themselves. He will no doubt rant and rage, but just call his bluff. Don't engage. If you are afraid contact the police and get a restraining order.

It's only been a week or two.
I wouldn't count that as stalking.

Plus, he can perhaps sense that there is,still a chance, as the op has said she is considering going back to him.

faringdon59

Hi, thanks for all of your messages.
He's still sending messages to me and from this morning I've stopped reading them.
The last one I had last night was about us meeting up today for lunch.
I know I ought to block him but I'm worried that if I do that he won't be able to vent his feelings and will start stalking me.
I've still got the memory of when that happened to me about five years ago, when I did go to the police, but honestly they weren't really that helpful.

But constantly messaging you IS stalking.

Be strong, separate yourself completely and forget him, he is not worthy of your time.

Agree with Tin Soldier. Doesn't sound like stalking. I think he's just trying it on. It's called "hoovering"......trying to suck you back into his orbit. Ignore. Block his number. He will get the message.

Don't get sucked into the drama. Just quietly get on with your life.

You are not in a relationship with this man. You are just someone he has sex with. If that is enough for you then fair enough. However, it's not exactly flattering is it.

You should value yourself more highly and hold out for a man who treats you with respect. He is nothing but a cheapskate loser.

He must be a sex maniac if he is sleeping with every woman within his circle of friends!

I think he had just engineered life to suit his needs, and is reluctant to lose any one part of it.

..

I wonder who he’s having sex with on Tuesdays, Fridays and Saturdays?

You’re worth more than this. You know this. Stay well clear now.

..

From you latest post: The last [message] I had last night was about us meeting up today for lunch.

Of course he does! Wednesday is one of his regular days to have sex with you.

From your second post: Looking back on the time I was with him we had a great time each time we met up.

And yet, in your opening post, you make several complaints about his behaviour.

The FOUR warning signs of stalking

If the behaviour you're experiencing is:

Fixated

Obsessive

Unwanted

Repeated

You can report the crime or you can contact the National Stalking Helpline for more advice.

There is nothing you have said so far that suggests he is stalking you, in fact, the opposite, as you only see him twice a week and he can go days without responding to your messages.

You need to stop making excuses for him and be honest with yourself about whether you want and enjoy his attention.

You are either happy to settle for what this is - living apart, sex twice a week and little else or you cut him out of your life: block his number, have a security guard walk you to your car when you leave work and don’t answer your door to him. If you think he could be dangerous, carry a rape alarm.

It wasn't him who stalked you before was it?

I'm not being facetious, but it sounds as if that had a huge impact on you, and I wonder if you have considered having counselling for it?

Hi, thanks for all of your messages.
He's still sending messages to me and from this morning I've stopped reading them.
The last one I had last night was about us meeting up today for lunch.
I know I ought to block him but I'm worried that if I do that he won't be able to vent his feelings and will start stalking me.
I've still got the memory of when that happened to me about five years ago, when I did go to the police, but honestly they weren't really that helpful.

I don't necessarily believe there is anything untoward going on between him and the exes.

If he has been single, there us no reason why he shouldnt stay in close contact with his ex (es)

You’ve beaten me to it mumofmadboys.
I’d be wondering where else he’s been.
It’s up to you OP, but you’re being well and truly used.

A sexual health check up for you would be a good idea Faringdon.

faringdon59

Thanks for all of these comments.
I'm feeling awful today and have been thinking about going back to him.
He is messaging two or three times a day and I'm scared to block him in case it sends him over the edge completely.
The last message said he's sorry for contacting me but he's got no one else to talk to. So it sounds like still being able to contact me is like a therapy for him.
I'm in work this evening until 8 and as he knows I work every Tuesday evening I'm concerned that he may be out in our hospital car park when I leave.
Looking back on the time I was with him we had a great time each time we met up and I keep thinking I should give him a second chance. Maybe he kept talking about his ex's because he's very insecure.
Someone has put on here about me taking a toy boy for occasional pleasure, well that's how this all started, with us meeting for physical relationship and then it moved on to meeting up on Wednesdays for walking in the day.
There's no way I can go back to online dating again, just can't make that effort again.
So maybe I ought to go back to the devil I know and set strong boundaries.

tell him to talk to his ex wife or his children that he spends the rest of the week with, or suggest you will contact them to let them know he is 'lonely'. Frankly, I don't think he is even apart from his wife, you are, to put it bluntly, (and crudely) a cheap shag. You are better than this. Do not answer his texts, block him on your phone, get a work colleague to accompany you to your car if you are concerned, but I think this creep will just move on to his next victim, he is too tight to woo you with flowers and chocolates. Hold your head up, you can, and will, do better. Sorry to be blunt, but men like this give me the rage.

👍🏻 And I bet the OP provides all the food and drinks when he stays over. To put it very crudely, is there a cheaper way to get your leg over?

He is likely not a narcissist, he is a tight arse wad who gets to sleep with you a couple of times a week without even having to buy you dinner. Dump him.

DerbyshireLass

No, no, no you should not "go back to the devil you know". Aren't you worth more than that,

Why would you settle for just being a bootie call for someone who can't even be bothered to visit you when you were ill. he shows no regard or respect for you. He's a walking red flag.

Have a little dignity and self respect. Don't hold yourself so cheap. He's a user, only in it for himself. He has nothing to offer you. You can do better.

I agree with this and GSM comments too!

Indeed it is.

Norah

Actually, I believe we've read this exact "problem" prior to now, different name poster, same daft story. As everyone has given good advice, quit.

It is becoming more familiar as it progresses

Or, accept that sex is all that's on the cards.
The rest of his time is his to do as he pleases, if that's the case.

Run as fast as you can. If he does stalk you then please go straight to the police. Let him go. There are plenty more fish in the sea and you do not deserve a poisonous one. Take care.

Actually, I believe we've read this exact "problem" prior to now, different name poster, same daft story. As everyone has given good advice, quit.

He is messaging two or three times a day and I'm scared to block him in case it sends him over the edge completely. The last message said he's sorry for contacting me but he's got no one else to talk to. So it sounds like still being able to contact me is like a therapy for him.

You’re not responsible for his well-being. He needs to manage that himself.

No, no, no you should not "go back to the devil you know". Aren't you worth more than that,

Why would you settle for just being a bootie call for someone who can't even be bothered to visit you when you were ill. he shows no regard or respect for you. He's a walking red flag.

Have a little dignity and self respect. Don't hold yourself so cheap. He's a user, only in it for himself. He has nothing to offer you. You can do better.