narcissistic man

What else is there in this relationship but sex? You say that’s why it started. Do you have no self respect? By all accounts he’s never spent money on you because on the two occasions in 17 months that you’ve been out together you’ve gone halves. You’re just a counsellor and a friend with benefits to him. And maybe not exclusively. I don’t think you’ll take notice of any of the advice you’ve been given.

What makes you think he will stalk you?
He hasn't put much effort into seeing you so far, so I wonder how you think he will suddenly become unstable in some way?

You don't seem to be certain what you yourself want.

He’s got no one else to talk to

What about when he goes to the ex and adult children for a meal? Do they all eat in silence?

Thanks for all of these comments.
I'm feeling awful today and have been thinking about going back to him.
He is messaging two or three times a day and I'm scared to block him in case it sends him over the edge completely.
The last message said he's sorry for contacting me but he's got no one else to talk to. So it sounds like still being able to contact me is like a therapy for him.
I'm in work this evening until 8 and as he knows I work every Tuesday evening I'm concerned that he may be out in our hospital car park when I leave.
Looking back on the time I was with him we had a great time each time we met up and I keep thinking I should give him a second chance. Maybe he kept talking about his ex's because he's very insecure.
Someone has put on here about me taking a toy boy for occasional pleasure, well that's how this all started, with us meeting for physical relationship and then it moved on to meeting up on Wednesdays for walking in the day.
There's no way I can go back to online dating again, just can't make that effort again.
So maybe I ought to go back to the devil I know and set strong boundaries.

I meant to say, do you have a friend or relative you could confide in just in case he starts bothering you again and coming to your house?

My friend was in a similar situation but he took it very badly. Every time she went out there would be flowers or chocolates left on her doorstep when she got back. She began to believe he was watching her but she never saw him. She text him and said if he didn’t stop leaving things and coming round when she was out she would have to involve the Police. Then she blocked him and I believe that was the end of him.

Please be strong and stay NO CONTACT.

He will do his best to worm his way back in because by the sounds of it the whole relationship was tilted very much in his favour.

I also doubt he ever left the online dating sites. He was probably up to no good on the days you didn't meet and maybe even still sleeping with his ex.

Think you have your answer.. Leg it!

You have decided to trust your instincts and go no contact. Keep it that way

Indeed. This is just for sex.

I have respect for myself. This just wouldnt happen.

Let it go! Move on

Discussing previous relationships is a killer, my now husband asked me once why I divorced my ex, I replied “ I havn’t had a cuddle for 10 yrs” - “OK we can put that right”. No further discussion has taken place, that’s the way it should be, you must move on.

I agree with @BlueBelle. You already know the answer, Run for the hills.

Leave it there, you are not missing much.

He's not narcissistic he's just not that keen I'm afraid. Move on

Let me get this straight. In seventeen months, you see one another on Sundays and Wednesdays for sex and a sleepover but have only been out in public together twice?

Do you even know where he is when he is not visiting his adult children? Have you never had a long weekend away together or a holiday? In seventeen months? What do you do on your's and his birthdays? Where does he spend Christmas and other public holidays?

I agree. Attempting amateur psychology to explain his behaviour isn’t going to provide an explanation.

Unless you are happy with the status quo, happy being his Sunday and Wednesday side-piece, (because if he is a narc, they always have one) then you need to get out permanently and close down all avenues of communication.

He won’t like it. He will come back time and time again trying to lovebomb you into getting what he wants but it’s all for his benefit. Narcs cannot be alone. They are immensely insecure and need constant attention. Cut him off permanently and he’ll be straight back to the dating site lining up his next conquest if he hasn’t already done so.

You do not need to label somebody just because he isn’t right for you. Move on and forget about him, it was not a happy relationship.

When someone shows you who they are - believe them. Do not go back.

I don't think he is a narcissist but he doesn't sound as if he cherishes you and wants to please you.. He sounds a bit of a user.. and clearly enjoys having his ex's in his life still.. as GSM said I wonder what he does with his time away from you..

You’ve ended it. Stick with that decision.

What a catch !!

Read your post again it’s negative throughout so best let this man go he is not for you obviously.

run for the hills and find a toy boy for occasional pleasure.

He sounds like a real catch faringdon59 you deserve better . Take suedonim's advice and run for the hills.