Dating 55-65: age range and children/grandkids

If you were to date someone childless, would that increase your options? Perhaps dating someone with children brings baggage.

There are men who marry older women. Think of Macron, they are very happy together. So I'm not sure there is an age which is too young if you're compatible.

There is no way of assessing someone’s ‘mileage’. I have a friend whose husband is 7 years younger than she is. He has always been the lynchpin of the relationship. she has spent her life being adored and fussed with everything done for her and now he is ill and she finds the roles have to be reversed.

I’m getting vibes of a “spreadsheet “ approach to your choice of potential partners and while I am all in favour of common sense, is this not a little calculating?
Or as Tina Turner sang
“What’s love got to do with it?”

I'm more concerned about the 12 year old daughter.
She's obviously had a tough time one way or another and needs some love and care, not somewhere who is calculating the best options.

Someone.

Autocorrect.

I’m amazed that before having reached ‘this is a relationship stage’, the OP knows how much the younger man earns and that the older one is ‘affluent’. I agree with what you say RosiesMaw. I pity the children caught up in this.

My mum was widowed at 45y. My dad died just shy of their silver wedding anniversary.

She then met my stepfather through work. They married when she was 60y. They had 26 happy years together before she died six years ago now. She said to me ‘if you’ve had a happy marriage you’re more likely to try for another’. Maybe.

There is sensible and there is calculating.. why don't you meet them and see if you feel anything real.. also I wouldn't underestimate how difficult it may be with a teenager in the mix..

I am glad you are careful, but you are so calculating. Also you are childless by choice which I respect, but why do you want your prospective partner to have children or Grandchildren, you can have a good relationship and do what you want especially if he has friends and is sociable.
I found love after getting divorced alot of years later, and I was not looking for it.

At the end of the day it's the person that counts, not their age. I think 10 years difference either way could work. I have two friends happily married for many years to men 10 years younger than them. I know a childless woman in her late 40s who married a widower with grandchildren. She gained an instant, loving family that she thought had passed her by. We change as we age and illness can strike at anytime so you have no idea what the future may bring. This is why you need to focus on personality rather than the other issues. Does he make you laugh? Is he responsible? Will he have your back now matter what? Is he kind? How's his relationships with his family? Could you stand being in his company day after day with nothing much happening? Do you love him? So many things to consider but I think you need to edit your spreadsheet, remove some of the material criteria and add in some more emotional/personality based ones. Good luck with your search.

The OP is not childless by choice rafichagran.

Love happens, it’s not something you can plan for.

Oh dear don’t like this planned romance stuff
No comment

My apologies OP I misread the post.

I'm sorry CLiz but I do find your approach very self centred. Children & grandchildren are not there to make your life better and in fact could be the cause of disagreements as we have seen so often on Gransnet.
You don't mention friendship or love in your post, just a 'diligent search' . I wonder how prospective partners view your search.

These are their online profiles.
The reality could be quite different.

I can't imagine searching diligently for a chap

It sounds rather like househunting or researching washing machines.

Sorry, but I would advise the men to run, you're coming across as very cold and calculating!

I made the decision in my late 50s he is 10 yrs older, both of us have adult children and no baggage, I get on well with his family, 5 yrs on were married.

I would say don’t overthink the age difference, what matters is how well you get on and enjoy living together, it took me 3 months before I moved in. Keep your finances separate of course, if you have a house rent it out, you never know what the future will bring.

I wasn’t actually looking for a relationship but after the second date I knew it was going to happen, we have very similar interests and do most things together. I wouldn’t have wanted us to have a lot of different activities spending time apart.

For goodness sake, OP, you sound as if you're buying a second hand car! Do you want the lower mileage model with a few bumps and scrapes? Or the one with a prestige badge but more on the clock? Make sure you check the bodywork for rust and inspect the tyres....

I would like to say you should get to know these men properly, in person and see how you get on but feel it would be kinder to tell both of them to run for the hills.

I did not meet my (fairly new) partner through a dating site but I'm certain that, if either of us had joined such a site and described ourselves accurately, the other would have swiped away. It's not about affluence, home ownership, age or grandchildren. What matters is kindness, loyalty, shared laughter, a sense of responsibility, shared values and the certainty that the other person will always be there for you no matter what.

I hope you find what you're looking for.

Callistemon21

These are their online profiles.
The reality could be quite different.

I can't imagine searching diligently for a chap

It sounds rather like househunting or researching washing machines.

Callisemon21
I hear you , that was my mantra of dating being like househunting . I also did online dating 20 years ago .
It was a minefield then & from what I’ve heard is even worse now .
I chatted to my now DH for 4 months before we met & I didn’t know what his salary scale was . If I liked someone & it felt right he could have been a bin man or a banker .with my romantic head on I thought the one for me would be the one who arrived with flowers.
He made me laugh still does even when I’m moaning about him not getting up 🤣& on our first actual date (17years 21st of this month in fact) he phoned me when he arrived at the chosen venue to ask what I would like to drink, that was a s good as the flowers 🌷

OP
I really think you are overthinking this & making the comment “ I searched diligently “. Is really a tad too far in my mind .
Online dating is a minefield, you need to tread carefully , have your wits about you . Also you need to have fun , go on dates & enjoy yourself . I met my DH online .
Just because someone is “ affluent” does not make them an ideal partner .
If you have never had children & are looking to have a relationship with someone whose child is coming to Teenage years well good luck with that . Because even if you have your own as I did ( my 2 eldest GC were the same age as my DH youngest DS’s) it isn’t always a smooth ride .
But good luck to you ,be kind to yourself & think about that house buying that Callisstonmon21 mentioned you may prefer the house with the drive or the one with the tatty red tiled path may be the best buy you will,never know , lower the standard & take a chance .

I think you need to stop being so calculated.
Being highly educated doesn’t mean you have emotional intelligence, this is what is needed.

'Enough mileage' made me laugh!

So we’re more than 2 months on and no return from CIiz