Petition: Give legal right of contact between grandchildren and grandparents

VioletSky

This thread clearly ruffled feathers

We have been back and forth for a couple of days over whether saying it shouldn't be signed and the reasons it shouldn't be signed is an attack on estranged GPs even though they themselves won't sign it so I am still baffled as to why it became an argument

I just want to close a door on people who are harmful around children while pointing out that those unfairly forced away from established loving relationships do have a case, even though they rarely want to put themselves or their grandchildren through a stressful court case... Sad for them

Those who never had that relationship, it must be difficult and I really would recommend grief counselling to process those feelings of loss as it is a lot to carry

It hasn’t ruffled my feathers. It’s a forum. I’m bemused, as are others, but that’s it.

I think I’ll manage without any counselling.

Everyone virtually agreed, yet one poster is still seeming angry.

Life’s too short for that.🙄

Arguments take more than party. If you read a comment that doesn't apply to you but you insist on responding, who is actually doing the arguing? When you want to argue, you do. When you don't, you don't. It's that simple.

I haven’t seen arguments but I have seen anger and unwarranted insults.

I can’t only speak from my current experience. Social workers, Cafcass, and the Guardian Ad Litem are all backing us, so far as my GGD is concerned. In previous hearings the judge has helped us to clarify things.

All involved seem to be putting the child first - which in everyone’s view is that she shouldn’t be around the birth mother.

Not every case is the same though. It’s been a long slog.

I always beat myself up because for most of my parenting journey I never thought for a second my mother would harm my children.

I was convinced that I wasn't good enough and she only treated me badly because of that. I had no idea how emotional abuse and gaslighting worked. She was my mother and I loved her.

It was when she successfully destroyed another relationship I had and the massive argument that caused when I took a break from her and running around after her. My children expressed relief at not seeing her which led to them sharing that they didn't want to see her again. It actually took years for them to tell me everything. Especially one of my daughters who she made feel the same way I did.

I'll never forgive myself for not knowing, not understanding how much damage this woman did to us.

That's why I continue to have these conversations online. If just one child can be saved, that makes it worth it

What has been an attack on GP's, not just seen as one VS are the references to abusive, controlling, toxic and narc GP's.

I didn't think you would SingcoTime.

Because argumentative people choose to turn it into one indeed MissA.

I agree AGAA4. My brother now retired, was a family solicitor who for several years was on the Child Care panel and represented children who were victims of abuse and said they are failed more often than they should be.

Germanshepherdsmum

I haven’t seen arguments but I have seen anger and unwarranted insults.

Yep, but luckily most of us are of an age where we’ve, generally, been insulted by experts lol - so this is pretty small potatoes.😉

Smileless2012

It does have it's critics though DL as it does in part recommend that where ever possible children remain with their birth parents, and this has in the past been cited as a potential reason why children were returned to unfit parents.

Yes, which is why I hope it will be revisited as other countries do have different rules and laws but always, the child's interests and welfare must come first.

So true, DL.

VioletSky

I always beat myself up because for most of my parenting journey I never thought for a second my mother would harm my children.

I was convinced that I wasn't good enough and she only treated me badly because of that. I had no idea how emotional abuse and gaslighting worked. She was my mother and I loved her.

It was when she successfully destroyed another relationship I had and the massive argument that caused when I took a break from her and running around after her. My children expressed relief at not seeing her which led to them sharing that they didn't want to see her again. It actually took years for them to tell me everything. Especially one of my daughters who she made feel the same way I did.

I'll never forgive myself for not knowing, not understanding how much damage this woman did to us.

That's why I continue to have these conversations online. If just one child can be saved, that makes it worth it

We know about your poor relationship with your mother. But we are not your mother.

We are all different.

I shouldn’t think any child has ever been saved from an online forum. It’s just adults giving their view.

Sometimes these topics make estranged children angry, it was me at first... Because of the fear, the fear that the person who hurt us so so much could get access to our minor children

Most of us as mothers would tear down the world in defence of our children

Compassion can go both ways....

It shows when a person is capable of showing patience and compassion instead of being reactive that they have truly healed and grown

The awful situation you and your family in shows how this can and does work DL. Ensuring that your GC doesn't have unsupervised contact with the birth mother, and working hard to ensure that your family will be an important and relevant part of the child's life.

Not long to wait now for the final judgement to be known .

Germanshepherdsmum

So true, DL.

I was married to my first DH for 30 years. I got used to really good insults, and slinging them straight back lol 😉

Diamondlily

Then why are you here? What good do you feel discussing these difficult topics does? What is your reason?

I have my reason and gave it... It is good enough

Smileless2012

The awful situation you and your family in shows how this can and does work DL. Ensuring that your GC doesn't have unsupervised contact with the birth mother, and working hard to ensure that your family will be an important and relevant part of the child's life.

Not long to wait now for the final judgement to be known .

Well, it is for us. So far. But, whatever happens, I know that every agency is saying that the birth mother needs to be kept clear.

Anything else is just the icing on the cake.🙂

I think genuinely

I am invested in defending children

Perhaps others are invested in defending themselves because others wouldn't accept it... which unknowingly to them is the cause of many issues here

DL's current family situation is extremely important and beneficial to this discussion VS as she is, as far as I'm aware, the only person here who is totally reliant on the current set up, to ensure her GGC is protected from the child's birth mother and that her, and her family, will be an intrinsic part of that child's life.

We should look at what other countries do better, what we should improve upon and use that as a bench mark to make any necessary improvements Callistemon.

VioletSky

Diamondlily

Then why are you here? What good do you feel discussing these difficult topics does? What is your reason?

I have my reason and gave it... It is good enough

They allow adults to discuss topics - that’s what forums are.

I’ve experienced estrangement, via DH, I’ve had a difficult mother, and I’m currently involved in a child centred court case.

We are all entitled to opinions and to offer support, but I’m not arrogant enough to assume that any forum will save a child.

You estranged your mother - your choice, all fine.

What do you` get out of it? You’re already estranged, and I’m still not clear over whether you’re a grandparent or not.

Everyone here is invested in defending children VS, we are all mothers and the vast majority are GM's, including those of us who haven't been allowed to see our GC.

There are few issues on here that I can see, although there are obviously some who have their own agenda for attacking grandparents in general.

Posters mostly have made reasonable and unbiased comments and have said they are not going to sign this petition..

VioletSky

I think genuinely

I am invested in defending children

Perhaps others are invested in defending themselves because others wouldn't accept it... which unknowingly to them is the cause of many issues here

Curiously, whether parent/grandparent/both - most of us are.

I’ve got nothing to defend - my birth ACs have not got a problem. 🙄

DiamondLily

Smileless2012

The awful situation you and your family in shows how this can and does work DL. Ensuring that your GC doesn't have unsupervised contact with the birth mother, and working hard to ensure that your family will be an important and relevant part of the child's life.

Not long to wait now for the final judgement to be known .

Well, it is for us. So far. But, whatever happens, I know that every agency is saying that the birth mother needs to be kept clear.

Anything else is just the icing on the cake.🙂

Best wishes for a good outcome for you all DiamondLily

VioletSky

I always beat myself up because for most of my parenting journey I never thought for a second my mother would harm my children.

I was convinced that I wasn't good enough and she only treated me badly because of that. I had no idea how emotional abuse and gaslighting worked. She was my mother and I loved her.

It was when she successfully destroyed another relationship I had and the massive argument that caused when I took a break from her and running around after her. My children expressed relief at not seeing her which led to them sharing that they didn't want to see her again. It actually took years for them to tell me everything. Especially one of my daughters who she made feel the same way I did.

I'll never forgive myself for not knowing, not understanding how much damage this woman did to us.

That's why I continue to have these conversations online. If just one child can be saved, that makes it worth it

Do you accept that it can all happen the other way around too?
And myriads of situations in between?

I am sorry for what you and your children had to endure.

Smileless2012

Everyone here is invested in defending children VS, we are all mothers and the vast majority are GM's, including those of us who haven't been allowed to see our GC.

I can only give an opinion from years of working for SS, 2 kids, 5 grandkids, I GGC, and 2 stepkids, 4 step grandkids, and 4 step GGC. Along with various assorted in-laws.

My life has been a cross between Whack-AMole, and herding kittens lol 😉

I only said it because there was such a conserted effort to turn this thread into an argument that I still don't understand

Really it should have ended about page 2